Ignite Your Voice

"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take it."

2012-02-07T16:03:00.004-06:00

I found myself journaling this morning and coming up on some fear around a big decision. "What if I make the wrong choice?" said the voice in my head. In my five years of coaching clients one-on-one, this is one of the most common questions that rears its head as my clients try to make decisions, as well. The mind says, "There is a right choice and a wrong choice, and you better not mess up." Oh, the pressure! The truth is that when it comes to choosing along our life's journey, we can't actually make a wrong choice.

One of my favorite quotations that I've been reflecting on a lot lately is that of Yogi Berra: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." In our search for joy and fulfillment, we can paralyze ourselves with thoughts of "right turn, wrong turn." The irony is that it is our INACTION that ends up leaving us feeling stuck in a dreary ditch, not a "wrong turn."

I want you to imagine for a moment that God/Universe/Spirit/Source is like a GPS system. You set the intention, the destination, and you are infinitely supported in getting there. What happens when you make a "wrong turn?" Your GPS system recalculates to help you arrive at your destination. So really, you didn't take a wrong turn, you simply took the scenic route.

Just like a GPS system, the Universe is with us every step, supporting us along the way--our inner "yes's" and "no's" help us to know how on track that we are. If we choose something that ends up not feeling quite right, the Universe helps us recalculate until we find something that does. We are never truly off-path, just going through some twists and turns. We are loved by every process that unfolds and never abandoned. It is only when we stop and turn off the engine, or choose not to act when hitting that fork in the road, that we keep ourselves from our destination. AND rather than finding happiness at the END of the road, we discover that taking action itself creates a deep sense of fulfillment, no matter which way we turn.

One way to work through the fear so that you can take action is to dialogue with it. When I was journaling this morning, my dialogue looked something like this:

Fear: I'm afraid you are going to make the wrong choice.

Consciousness: Thank you so much for always looking out for me. Can you tell me more about what you mean by a "wrong choice?"

Fear: I'm afraid that you will be unhappy and that you will fail in what you set out to do.

Consciousness: I hear you. The thing is that in all of your protectiveness, I'm not actually feeling very happy. Is there a way that we can work together so that we can ensure my success?

Fear: It would make me feel better if you were clear about where you want to go and had a plan.

Consciousness: What a great idea! That makes me feel very grounded. I'm going to get really clear by breaking my goal down into tiny steps right now....

This process of dialoging with my fear gave me a wonderful insight into the ways that even my fear was trying to love me, and I followed up that dialogue with a great plan of action that left me feeling grounded and clear on how to achieve my goal.

In what ways have you found yourself paralyzed by your fear of making a "wrong choice?" I would love nothing more than to support you and celebrate you as we create a plan for you to step beyond your fear and take action on the things that matter most to you. Contact me at thejoydiva@gmail.com to schedule a free consult.

In the meantime, I invite you to celebrate each and every step that you take (especially the little ones)--they all count!

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered: www.askthejoydiva.com

The Wisdom in our Wounds

2012-01-03T16:33:00.004-06:00

Today, I'm going to write about a not-so-little asteroid called Chiron, how it has shaped my life, and why it is one of the main astrological points that I explore with my clients when sharing the wisdom of their birth chart. Chiron or Kheiron, gets its name from a Greek myth about a Centaur who was a great teacher and healer and also an immortal god. At one point in Chrion's story, he is accidentally wounded by a venomous arrow, and the poison is so powerful that despite his immortality and great ability as a healer, he is unable to heal himself.

In Astrology, Chrion is known as the "Wounded-Healer" asteroid and it not only points to our deepest emotional wound that we spend our whole life trying to heal, but it also points to our unique gift to the world. As we grow in our suffering, we gain wisdom and compassion enough to heal others who are also suffering. The more we understand this woundedeness, the more that we can come to a place of loving acceptance about ourselves and be a force for good in the world.

In my birth chart, Chiron is in Taurus and at the very end of the 2nd house, which is actually calling in the energy of the 3rd house of Communication. Chiron in Taurus gave me an overall sense of lack and unworthiness as a child, along with a feeling of scarcity regarding love and material security. I could never have too many pretty things, and I often felt a void before needing to buy another thing. I also developed crushes on boys at a young age and always dreamed of being loved in return. Partnered with the energy of the 3rd House, I had a bit of a lisp and a stutter, and while I longed to be heard, I would always feel deeply exposed when it was my turn to talk. Inside, I was deeply eloquent, but every time I opened my mouth I felt like I had to prove myself. At home, my temper would flare when I didn't feel heard or understood, and it would always make things worse--no one wants to listen to someone who is screaming and throwing things at them. The louder I yelled, the more invisible I became.

Then there was the time in H.S. when I was voted "Most Talkative Female" and one classmate suggested that it was because "I never shut-up." (sigh....High School). So, what some folks would simply interpret as being considered a sign of sociability, struck my wound of never feeling like I could get it right in the communication department. In my early 20's there was also the boyfriend who just before I met his parents made sure to tell me not to "talk too much" as we approached the door, and even though his friends expressed how much they loved me when I met them, he made sure I knew that I talked too much then, too. Thank God for all that I learned from that junk...which included and was certainly not limited to making sure I no longer dated assholes.

Here's the fun part: It is no coincidence that I grew up to be a life coach committed to helping others build their sense of self-worth in order to find and confidently express their unique voices in the world. It is no coincidence that after all of the years of feeling like I have something important to say, that "miss talkative," is now an accomplished public speaker who people enjoy listening to. It is no coincidence that I love to write and that I find it healing to share my truth in both song and written word. Yes, If I were to live only from my woundedness, I would be a boy-chasing, shopaholic who only wants to be heard. (At times in my life, I've been all of these). The good news is that I've also discovered the wisdom in my wounds, AND these wounds have made me beautiful, unique and magnificent. By understanding my woundedness and developing coping skills to heal and nurture myself, I developed amazing skills that allow me to help others heal everyday. AND as I help my clients heal, I heal 10-fold. This is Chiron's gift in our lives.

What is the wound that you are here to heal, and how has it shaped you into the magnificent person that you are today? Rather than trying to "fix" these parts of yourself, in what ways can you further embrace your wounds and gain wisdom from them?

Something that was big for me this week was choosing to post the above picture on my FB wall--it occurred to me that I've never actually made fun, in a loving way, while claiming this part of myself. The truth is, I was born talkative, and I will die talkative (hopefully not mid-sentence, but you never know...:). What if I simply claim and LOVE myself for this part of me rather than always worrying that I'm somehow "too much?" Some people love this about me and some probably don't--I figure that I might as well be one of the lovers. :)

If you would like support in better understanding the wisdom of your wounds and to learn where Chiron is in your chart, I would love to help you with this! You can contact me to schedule a consult: thejoydiva@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you as you discover and speak your truth for all to hear.

Much Love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

2011-12-13T16:13:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out. I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered. But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/ We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day. His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush. I get it. Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter. Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know. I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day. Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :)

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO. Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Making Dreams Actually Happen...

2011-12-05T16:24:00.002-06:00

This week, I celebrate the completion and sharing of my very first album, "Be a Light." I have tears in my eyes as I write this because this is perhaps the first moment that I've been able to pause and actually breathe this reality in. This week, on Thursday to be exact, I am officially celebrating the fulfillment of what is likely the biggest dream of my life so far. It is emotional for me--I've been so busy behind the scenes, pulling all of the strings, putting one foot in front of the other in order to make this happen. Now that I have a moment to pause from all of my "doingness," it's beginning to sink in what big deal that this is. It feels good, and vulnerable, and a little scary--like I'm looking over a precipice, preparing to leap into the next chapter of my amazing life.

One thing that has become clear to me through the years is that it is often the soul path stuff, the choices that align most fully with our soul purpose, that scare us the most. We place the most mental obstacles before those big dreams, in part because the journey toward achieving those dreams is meant to transform us just as much as the lives we touch along the way, and change is a little bit exciting and a whole lot of scary for a lot of us. Are there ideas that you have that seem like they would be AWESOME and also have a lot of "I can'ts" or "It's not really possible because...." thoughts attached to them? Chances are pretty good that walking those paths is exactly where your deep fulfillment lies--even amidst all of the scary unknowns and fears of utter failure.

I've been singing since before I could form complete sentences. I have tapes of myself beginning around 7 years old singing my favorite childhood songs, and I can remember the hours I would spend recording myself and playing it back and re-recording until it sounded exactly the way I wanted it to. By the age of 10, I had the lead in our school musical and I remember being so nervous that I refused to shower before the performance (yes, I totally went through the, "I don't like to shower" phase as a child). I had so many beliefs that it was OTHER people who get the good parts that I was unconsciously practicing a little self-sabotage when I finally had my moment. I still don't like watching the video of that performance...:)

As the years went on, my love of singing and performing only grew, but it still didn't feel easy on the inside. By the time I was in high school, I was getting some of the good parts and the solos and I started trusting in my voice and my ability. Then of course, I was singled out by my classmates, people made up stories about how much better than everyone else that I thought I was, and there were times when I just wanted to hide from it all--and there were many days when I did. This voice of mine has been both a profound blessing and a curse--as all true gifts are. This really has not been a lifetime for me to hide anymore--despite the voice screaming in my head to blend in, blending in is not what my life purpose is about.

Following high school, I took a step back from music. Despite my choir director's urging, I chose not to major in music because I didn't feel I was good enough or that it was practical enough (sigh...sound familiar?). I majored in psychology instead, which I am incredibly grateful for, and don't regret for a moment. My heart knew that classical vocal training wasn't the path for me, and instead I began cultivating my other life passion--supporting and empowering others. I knew that music could always be a part of my life, and I'm glad that I chose the way that I did. I LOVE my astrology coaching practice and I get to see my clients grow in confidence and love for themselves everyday--it is beyond excellent to experience.

Following college, I got back into music through some local musical theater opportunities. Despite my previous successes, I entered those auditions with intense self-doubt and feeling that I wouldn't actually get the parts that I wanted. At every new level, these feelings of self-doubt have traveled with me, and the funny thing is that I often DID get the part. Then when I'd get the big role that I wanted, I would be so nervous that I was going to be a complete failure...ahhhh...the way that I torture myself. :)

In the Fall of 2006 I started my coaching practice and taking guitar lessons. The coaching practice unfolded with a bit more ease than the guitar lessons, and often my guitar would just sit there as I thought about how terrible that I was and how I was never going to learn how to play the darn thing. I slowly started writing songs in 2007 but carried that same self-doubt with me--and this time, it was really intense, because being a singer-songwriter and a recording artist seemed like the ultimate dream to me my whole life.

It was not until May of 2008 when I was coaching a client and asked the question, "If you could attempt one thing knowing that you could not fail, what would it be?" that it really dawned on me that I needed to give myself a kick in the behind and start pursuing my music. The last thing that I wanted was to be the inauthentic coach helping others achieve their dreams while quietly loathing myself for not pursuing mine. Slowly, but surely, I started picking up my guitar again, and I started writing songs. A year later, I started playing out, here and there, but playing guitar in front of people was the most nerve-wracking thing for me--it still is, but it gets easier every time I do it. Think: walking naked on a tight rope in front of a large group of people, and you can get an idea of how nervous I can get. In 2010, I was approached to give my first 2-hour show. Aaaaaahhhh! Thanks to my motto at that time..."Say 'yes' now, and freak out later," I said yes, and before I had the chance to freak out, I reached out to the man who is now my musical partner, Joe Harris. Joe is an amazing guitar player. A. MAZ. ING. I'm thankful everyday that I get to partner with someone as talented as he is, and he actually LIKES playing with me. Go figure. :)

Then the big question came: People want me to record an album. I want me to record an album. How the hell am I going to do that?! In December of 2010, a dear friend of mine said something to me that set me in motion up to this very moment that I write. He said, "You talk about recording an album and re-branding your business, but you never actually say, I'm going to do these things by such and such a date." When I stopped to think about it, I realized that I was terrified to commit because I had NO idea how I was going to get the money...the funny part is, that wasn't even really true. When I took the time to think about it, to face the fear, I knew exactly how I could get the money: a friend had already told me about crowd-funding sites like Kickstarter and IndieGoGo. So really, creating "Be a Light" came down to making the decision to just make it happen. The next day I emailed recording studios, and the moment that I stepped into Paradyme Productions and met Jake Johnson, my heart sang. I knew that he was the person I wanted to produce my album. He gave me a cost estimate and I set the fundraising wheels in motion.

In May, I successfully raised $5000 and began recording in June. I then managed, with a fair amount of ease, to fund the rest of the project myself, and six months later I am here, waiting for the phone call to go and pick up my CD's. I still get nervous about performing. I have loads of self-doubt about the future, and I'm also excited. I'm smart enough now to know that I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this soul path of mine, and I know that there will be blessings around every turn. My life could end tomorrow, and I could say that I have lived my life fully moment to moment, that I have lived authentically and with purpose--let's hope it doesn't actually end tomorrow, however, because I've got a lot more to do, a lot more to share, and a lot more to celebrate with all of you. :)

Do you find yourself, overwhelmed with that negative voice in your head that tries to keep you from shining YOUR light fully in the world? Click here to listen to my song, "Mr. Shame." I wrote it for you. :) You can also now pre-order your very own copy of "Be a Light" with FREE shipping until 12/8 here.

If you ever want support in facing your fears and creating a life that is deeply rewarding for you and those around you, do not hesitate to contact me and set-up a free intro. session to explore all of the ways that we can work together to make that happen for you!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Life is just so richly good.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Gratitude in Unlikely Places...

2011-11-22T16:09:00.002-06:00

"...And so I'll thank the past, say YES! to possibility, let love be my guide, and surrender to the mystery..." ~ From my song Changing

As we shift out of the intense Scorpio energy that, for some of us, created countless opportunities to let go, to surrender what has been for what can be, I can think of no better time to have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks. It is, of course, easy to give thanks when life is flowing with ease, and we are not forced to let go of things that we perhaps want to hold onto to. I've come to learn, however, that it is in times of loss, of stepping into great unknowns, when it is the most crucial that we seek out the reasons to give thanks. It is only from that place of thanks that we are capable of seeing all that we gain in times of loss.

Scorpio's energy has helped us to go to the core, to get in touch with what's left when we strip away what's no longer working for us. It is an opportunity to discover how amazing and capable that we are, and how abundant that life is, even when we are in the midst of "losing." In my case, it was letting go of ideas of who I am, particularly in my romantic relationships to other people and letting go of a lot of ways of thinking that were holding me back from deeper intimacy with myself and others. I always find myself going through big transformations during Scorpio's stay--it's not always comfortable, and this year because Saturn was also crossing over my natal Pluto (which rules Scorpio), I was pretty much brought to my knees. I was quite miserable for a few weeks, and I'm already reflecting back to begin discovering how important and truly positive that experience has been and will be for my life moving forward.

As Sagittarius dashes in, I find myself more able to integrate and understand the higher purpose for all of that transformation, and I am ready for the journey, the adventure, as I invite in what's next. It is only natural for me to pause and give thanks for all that I've gained through my recent experiences of loss. That is really what loss is about--it is an opportunity to gain so much more than we ever started out with. Even just the experience of coming back to equilibrium after feeling the boat rocking about amidst a stormy sea makes me want to shout a little "Hallelujah!" Or a really loud one. AMEN! :)

So, as you pause this Thursday to give thanks, I invite you to reflect on all that you've gained amidst Scorpio's stormy shifts in these past couple of months. What do you gain in times of discomfort and scary unknowns? What do you gain from grief, from times of unexpected loss (whether or not than loss is real or perceived)?

What better experience can you have then to come out of turbulent times to realize that you are truly blessed?

Here's a link to my song Changing off of my upcoming album Be a Light, to help us close out Scorpio and welcome in Sagittarius: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11016176

Thank you for all the ways that you are a blessing.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

The stories that shape our lives...

2011-11-09T16:08:00.000-06:00

Today is the first snowy day that we've seen here in Madison, and skimming down my Facebook newsfeed, I can't help but laugh at the variety of reactions to Mother Nature doing her thing. They range from: "Gah! Driving will suck today!" to "Ok enough with the blizzard outside. I really dislike winter..." to "Snow...what snow? It's 70 and sunny outside, you must have been mistaken. *begin denial now*" to "So not ready for this!" to "SNOW!! (please tell me I'm not the only one excited about this...) :D" to "*gasp!* It's here! and it's beautiful!!! Yaaaaay!" So many stories and so many different experiences shaped by those chosen stories--guess which people are having a good time today and which folks are floundering a bit?

Me? I'm sitting in one of my favorite cafes sipping a warm chai latte as the beautiful sleet falls outside the big picture window next to me. I feel cozy and grateful for this moody weather and how it connects me with my inner wisdom. I can't think of any other way that this moment could be more complete. Why would I choose to rob myself of this delicious experience by creating a different story? Why on earth would I do anything but seek to embrace this happening weather, which, by the way, happens to be way out of my control?

If you find yourself suffering through your day, the first place to check is your story. Are you resisting what is? Are you choosing to swim up a stream of negativity when all you have to do is go with the flow? Even the little, seemingly unimportant, things like how you react to the weather add up to shape our larger experience.

One of my favorite stories that I've chosen to make the foundation of all that I do and experience is that "I'm loved by every process unfolding in my life." Over these past few weeks, I've been blogging about an intense grief process that I've been going through. Last week, I surrendered to it. I let myself get attached to certain outcomes, I got really mad at one point, then I got depressed, and then I let it go. I was able to surrender to that process because of my trust that I was being loved by that experience. I've chosen over this past month to seek the opportunity, the growth, and even the "feel good moments" amidst my grief. Today, I write from a place of deep, grateful breaths for this unfolding process. I am at peace. Here are just a few of the glimmers that I've discovered as I've sought the ways that this grief process is loving me:

1) I am not alone, even when I think that I am. There are amazing angels in my life, both seen and unseen who have my best interest at heart.

2) I've needed more balance in my life--I was swinging into hyper-autonomous mode, which has been awesome, and I also know that I need to reach out and connect with more people right now.

3) I've discovered another layer to my relationship growth path. I've been blessed to have some really healing conversations with my former partner and to begin a new friendship with him--all of which would not have happened if events had unfolded differently. We've rediscovered lightness in our relating that had previously stopped existing amidst the suffocating circumstances of our partnership. I'm learning more deeply what it means to be independent and a good partner at the same time, and that I'm very capable at both. I'm witnessing a new layer of what it means for ME to be in a committed relationship, and I'm opening myself to what that could look like in the future.

4) My Saturn/Pluto Conjunction is teaching me about surrender in a way that I never thought possible. I've witnessed countless thoughts and beliefs that I've clung to that have caused me great pain. I'm learning to let those go, and new thoughts and ideas that serve me greatly are flooding in.

5) I've discovered how healing it is, and helpful to other people, when I share so boldly about my dark and scary moments. I've gained more confidence as I've honored my need to share. This experience has given me so many goodies through which I can even more fully serve my clients that it brings tears of joy to my eyes to think about.

The truth is that I am blessed. We all are. When we stop resisting that which is out of our control and seek the love instead, we open ourselves to receive that blessing fully. My grief has been painful and a blessing, and now I'm readying myself to be born anew when the time is right.

In the meantime, I'm loving this weather. How about you?

With much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

When "Spiritual" isn't cutting it...

2011-11-02T16:40:00.008-05:00

"God dwells within you...as you. God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves. The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile...who is that person? It's Ingrid Bergman in "The Bells of St. Mary's" – not me. God dwells within me...as me."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Being an Astrology Coach and often referred to as a "Spiritual Life Coach," I can easily fall into a trap of feeling like I have to somehow "rise above" my humanity, that it's "my job" to seek the good in all people and situations. Much of the time, I am pretty good at that. I do get a lot of the ways to create my joy, and I live a pretty joyful existence. I can feel a lot of balance, peace and gratitude in my daily life.

But here's the deal: No matter what I do for a living, it is not my job to be spiritual. It is my job to be me...real, messy, learning, growing, struggling, striving and sometimes thriving...me. This goes for all of us, actually. What I see so often in myself and in the people I'm blessed to support is this sense like we "should" know better. We think we are "better than" our anger, or hurt, or jealousy or fear. We find ourselves taking things personally or being upset with someone and we say, "The loving thing, the spiritual thing, would be to simply do the work, question our thoughts, to release our fear, do the forgiveness thing, to be kind and loving, and let it go. Yes, this is a beautiful approach to life and relationships, and sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a break. In order to get to the forgiveness part and the loving kindness part, I have to own that this junk I'm feeling in the moment is real and it's not going anywhere until I'm real right along with it.

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with some intense grief as I go through my own death and rebirth cycle with a significant relationship in my life and ultimately, with my relationship that I have with myself. I have felt so many emotions and I've vigilantly questioned my thoughts and revealed to myself places that I've been creating an unhealthy story. I've been like a bounty hunter for limiting thoughts that are causing my suffering, blasting through them to find what's true. I find myself today still processing this grief and when thinking about blogging, I thought, "I can't STILL be writing about my grief! I should be over this by now! What's wrong with me?! I'm a Spiritual Life Coach, for goodness sake!" My ego self seems to think that being a Spiritual Life Coach makes me something other than human, me thinks. :) The truth is that whether I were in the line of work that I am or not, I would still be hard on myself in this way. Should's and ought's and woulda-coulda's seem to find a way of creeping in no matter who we are and what we do.

Today I'm doing more to make peace with my grief. I've put away my AK-47, seeing as how it's been exhausting being a spiritual vigilante on this mission to liberate my mind. Yes, I have all kinds of tools, and I've learned a lot as I've pulled them out in an effort to nurture myself. Now, I'm making peace with thoughts of anger and jealousy. I'm making peace with the part of me that has been resisting this whole process and telling me how I should be feeling and acting. I could argue with reality or I could just be real. There have been times that I don't feel like seeing the good in this situation or in certain people. There have been times when I've been a blubbering, snotty mess. I've placed love outside of myself. I've held my breath hoping that certain outcomes that are out of my control would magically be IN my control. I've been afraid. I've struggled to see the big picture. I've felt completely out of balance. I've felt completely UN-spiritual. And guess what? It is in that space that the growth-work is happening.

I've been thinking a lot about one of my favorite books and favorite films lately, Eat, Pray, Love. Liz Gilbert's journey through Italy, India, and Spain, completely capture my life's work to nurture my relationship with myself and help others do the same. I've been single since January and LOVING my growth and loving how balanced and happy that I've felt. Then the grief came and I found myself questioning if everything that I've learned has been for nothing, if that sense of balance was an illusion. There is a particular quotation from the movie that comes to mind to me right now. Liz is so upset with herself because she has fallen in love and gotten completely out of balance with herself. She goes to her teacher, Ketut Liyer, and expresses to him her fear that she is losing herself in love, and this is what he says to her: "To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." I would go so far as to say that to lose balance for any aspect of life is part of living a balanced life. So here I am, feeling out of balance and completely un-spiritual--and I'm actually right where I need to be, in balance with all that is.

By surrendering my need to stop myself from trying to control outcomes--even as I've seen myself creating suffering for myself--I lean into the greater balance. I've created much more suffering for myself in times of trying to be spiritual instead of just letting all the nitty, gritty, catty parts of me show their head. Make no mistake, I am still doing my best to curb the destructive nature of these emotions--I'm not burning buildings or destroying lives, no hate mail has been sent. I'm also not beating myself up so much when I think or feel things that my spiritual self would otherwise deem as "base." Grief sucks, fear sucks, and here I am. I love myself more because I know how hard I work at being good. I love myself because I am human.

It feels good to simply breathe that in.

With Great Thanks,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

When Saturn Meets Pluto: "I Must Transform"

2011-10-18T14:09:00.019-05:00

One thing that makes me tremendously grateful that I'm an Astrologer is that when I feel like I've been hit upside the head with a big cosmic two by four, I can take a look at what transits are currently interacting with my chart to help me come to a deeper understanding of what's unfolding. I've found myself overcome with grief and the green-eyed monster, jealousy, for the past few days, and it's been painful, and had me going, "What the HECK is going on with me?!" It's like my mind caught some sort of auto-immune disease and has gone into overdrive attacking itself. My usual ability to shift pain and challenges with ease has completely eluded me, and when that happens, I know that I am going through some MAJOR growing pains in my process of becoming.

Sure enough, I'd completely forgotten that transiting Saturn is crossing over my natal Pluto right about now. For those of you going, "Wha?" in response to that, never fear! I will explain. I call Saturn the "Tough Love Planet" because it forces us to come down to earth, to face what is not working in our lives, so that we can create that which truly sustains us. Saturn causes a break down in the structures that we've created in our lives that are not truly serving us, and creates obstacles that are meant as opportunities for growth. Saturn also gives us the building blocks to create new beliefs and structures that will truly serve us in achieving deep fulfillment in our lives. Depending on where Saturn is in your chart, Saturn is saying, "I love that you want that great relationship, that great job, to feel like you belong, to be a good communicator, etc., and here is the long list of things that you must endure so that you can learn what you need in order to have that." Saturn is loving us every step of the way through its boundaries and conditions so that we can find what it means to be TRULY free and accepting of all of life--not just living in an illusion of freedom in la-la land.

It was my Saturn return (Saturn came back to the same place that it was when I was born) in the last year that took my marriage-bound relationship and dismantled everything that I thought I new about relationships and commitment. I was left seeing the many illusions that I had created and the ways in which that relationship was no longer serving me on my path. It was shocking and painful beyond words. I felt betrayed by God, by life, by myself--I found myself thinking, "If this relationship won't work, this relationship that at one time seemed to be all that a relationship SHOULD be, then what's the frickin' point of being in love or in relationships at all? Will I ever GET IT?" I grieved deeply the end of passion in my relationship, and had to witness my partner grieve as he also was brought to his knees by the reality that faced us.

Slowly as I honored my inner voice and separated myself from that relationship that I'd held so dear (and still do), I began to feel liberated. I began self-care practices that I'd never been able to commit to in the past. I started to face all of the things that had once terrorized me...on my own, standing tall. I started to get REALLY clear on why my relationship didn't work and what I did to contribute to that. I started to fall in love with myself and love the company that I keep in the quiet moments. It is because of my Saturn placement, which is here to help me master what it means to be committed to myself first, that I am so good at helping other women do the same.

So here I am, having had a kick-ass, dynamic year, having felt amazing on my own...and guess what? The growth work is SO not over. A deeper growth cycle is being stirred up further as Saturn passes over my natal Pluto.

To better explain Pluto, here is a great description from Molly Hall on About.com:

"In the birth chart, Pluto shows the area of life where you'll personally face the intense powers of creation and destruction. It's the doorway through which volatile compressed pockets of self, spirit and primal energy lies hidden, which are released either by our own efforts or by provocation from the outside world.

Pluto's energy will not be suppressed but its power is often feared. This can put you in a showdown between your greatest fears of being destroyed, and the pursuit of the deepest longing in your heart. The Ego holds to its defenses, but Pluto tries to urge you to let go, and surrender to become a new person.

Pluto rules Scorpio with its province being death and rebirth. There's a Sufi saying, "Die many times before you die," and Pluto's lessons hold out promise of emerging from the flames a new person. When chaotic events shake us at the foundations, it could be Pluto provoking change at the fundamental level. We might not think we exist without the ground beneath us, our sense of who we are, but if we're brave, we come to discover there is life after this kind of ego-death."

So what happens when Saturn passes over Pluto? Well in my case, all of the grieving that I thought I had done about that former relationship has been reignited with a blow torch. A few weeks ago, I had to ask my former partner to stop contacting me after receiving an array of emails and texts that were at times deeply cruel and blaming. Back in June, I asked that we take space for a couple of months, knowing that grief takes time to process and needing the space to grow and stretch on my own. I also saw how much that he was struggling to shift into the new form of our relationship and feeling a lot of pain from our interactions. He initially agreed to take that space and even requested it himself earlier on...to then compromise on this agreement again and again as his own sense of loss overcame him. I saw things in him that I had over-looked before, and I was deeply hurt by the ways he could take things that I'd shared in vulnerable confidence and twist them to spit them back in my face. As hard as I tried to not allow those words to affect me, the truth is, I was deeply hurt, disappointed, and it is hard for me to know what to believe or trust in my relationship with him. *Sigh*...break-ups suck. I don't hold these things against him, and I know that these behaviors do not solely define him. I also reached a point where it became clearer to me that being friends right now would simply not be possible for me. I've worked a lot with the belief that says, "I need his understanding." My heart wants him to understand, to to just love me, to see my good intentions, and the larger truth is that it is ME who needs to give myself those things, not him--there is nothing that he could give me at this point that I do not already have. That becomes a little bit easier to own every day.

Three weeks later after asking him to stop contacting me, I've discovered that he is likely with someone else. And here it is, the height of my Saturn/Pluto conjunction. All of the Plutonic emotions have come up--the anger, the jealousy, the deep sense of loss, the desire to cling to old forms of security, the depression that follows. But here's the deal: as I tell my clients all of the time and believe FIERCELY in my own life, we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives. This experience--that has had me bawling my eyes out, questioning my choices, longing for my former partner, questioning his choices, feeling hatred toward the new person in his life, feeling hatred toward him, feeling hatred toward myself (hatred toward self and others are, of course, one in the same)--this experience is loving me up. I am coming into a strength and power that my mind can't even fully dream of just yet.

As all of these Plutonic emotions are forcibly dredged up, I am receiving the opportunity to fall in love with myself more deeply, to LOVE even the dark underbelly of my existence that has previously caused me feelings of great shame. Saturn is connecting with Pluto to help me shine in all of my realness. I cannot choose these thoughts that have hijacked my brain, but I can question them and learn from them and choose how I react. I can treat myself with utmost kindness and gentleness as I witness my mind going to places that scare me. I can resist or I can surrender. I'm learning more deeply what it means to surrender. I could not be "The JoyDiva" without this. Eventually, I will be able to feel a more constant flow of love for my former partner and anyone he chooses to spend his time with. In the meantime, I am walking hand-in-hand with self-forgiveness, everyday. As Pluto's dark waves wash over me from the inside out, I am being cleansed. I am healing. I am discovering my wholeness. I am birthing myself anew. Blessed be!

With Love and Gratitude for ALL THAT IS,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Honesty that heals...

2011-10-16T15:51:00.005-05:00

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.”

― Pema Chödrön

Today is an interesting day filled with many mixed emotions. I've been in a state of grief for the last few days as I continue to process the end of a very significant relationship in my life. One of the most challenging things about grief, primarily in the depression stage, is how difficult that it is to "keep on keepin' on." I've found myself struggling not to isolate, struggling to maintain my healthy routines, even things as simple as washing my face or brushing my teeth before bed. A voice inside of my head says, "Just let me off the hook. I just want to wallow in the emptiness that I feel." If there is anything that I've learned in my 30 years; however, it's that the BEST thing to do for myself is to continue to practice self-care, especially the little things. I've also learned that I have to be authentic, which is why I'm blogging about this. Pretending to be "ok" when I'm not is like taking a knife to the existing wound and making it deeper. Honesty takes a big old flashlight to the darkness of grief and releases the shame, guilt and self-loathing that can often hide in its hidden cracks and corners. Every time I write or speak about the truth of where I am, I shed another layer of the pain. I remind myself that I actually am ok, that I will get through this and as Pema so delicately puts it above, that right now, I "feel like a piece of shit" and that's ok, too.

It's easy to isolate during times of grief because of the pressure to be happy--in my line of work, I can be tremendously hard on myself with this. I can feel like I always have to have something happy to say, something inspiring, that somehow people are relying on me to be happy. I have certainly had a party questioning those thoughts! Whew! This morning, I sang in the choir at my church, and while I wanted to avoid the question of "How are you?" at all costs, I found that it was nice to simply be real with people, and I found myself amongst compassionate friends, amongst community. That experience of the collective around me was an important piece in unraveling one of the cornerstones of my grief: "that I am all alone." Did that experience take all of the pain away? No, but it did pull me out of my suffering long enough to remember that there is a great big world out their that exists outside of my head. While I find it helpful in many ways to grieve in private, I find that part of the vigilance of living an honest life lies in choosing not to hide from the shame that accompanies sadness. I find it to be an important part of recognizing and embracing my humanity. God forbid that I'm just a mere mortal! :) I've been playing with the following statement a lot lately:

"I have found that I'm not as 'good' as I thought or as 'bad' as I feared. I am not heroine or villain. I am living with my actual self & seeing what that is. Neither idealizing nor being idealized. It is more painful than I had imagined. Also more dimensional. I find myself stumbling hand in hand w/ forgiveness as a much closer entity." ~ SARK from Prosperity Pie

Part of my grief experience has been recognizing that I'm not angel nor am I demon--my ego wants to pendulum swing between the two so that I'm either elated or filled with self-loathing. Part of losing a relationship and the grief that accompanies it is feeling like an unworthy, unlovable person--we see ourselves as the villain that must be undeserving of love. The truth is that we are glorious, messy, imperfect, human beings and lovable no matter what. This is my work now: to continue to come back to that place of truth about myself. I've found myself singing the song I wrote last year called It's Alright, that will be on my upcoming album "Be a Light:"

"It's Alright. It's Alright. It's plain to see we're only human. When we forgive ourselves, and love despite our frailities, we are divine."

(You can take a listen here, if you'd like: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_10626711)

Despite the urge to hide or simply be a bum who stares at the wall all day arrested by my painful thoughts, I am continuing to care for my body, and to care for my tender spirit through reflection and forgiveness. Though it all feels like monotony to me right now, each little act is feeding my spirit love and restoring my strength and belief in life's goodness.

With Love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Good Grief...

2011-10-14T17:21:00.004-05:00

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön

I've had a great week--amazing sessions with wonderful clients, I posted some songs for my soon-to-be-released album to rave reviews, I finished up with a program that I've been planning for 10 months, I crossed a lot of things off of my to-do list--and yet, here I find myself facing unexpected grief; and it's incredibly painful.

In January, I ended the most significant relationship of my life thus far. I made that choice with great love and care and reluctance, and of course, I have done a lot of processing and have felt a large array of feelings since making that choice. I've missed him in my life and have also blossomed and grown and expanded in ways that I could only do on my own. It has been incredibly painful to see him hurting and I've certainly had a lot of opportunity to practice what it means to not be responsible for another's state of being. I've also had a lot of opportunity to explore what it means to have healthy boundaries in my life, and it's been both painful and liberating as I stay grounded in my self-care.

And then it happened--I discovered some news yesterday that made jealousy and deep grief hit me smack in the middle of my face. Jealousy, that nasty little bugger, came into my grounded world and knocked me right over. Suddenly all of these thoughts flooded into my head--judgements about him, assumptions about his choices, missing him and being frustrated with him simultaneously, anger and deep dislike for the other person who seems to have entered into the picture. Our thoughts can make us crazy, sometimes even violent, versions of ourselves, can they not? So there I was feeling all of those emotions that none of us want to feel, and after I had a good cry, I started to question my thoughts.

The truth is, that underneath that whole big, painful reaction, was my own grief and loneliness staring me in the face. Had I not questioned my thoughts and turned them around, I could have found myself needing to chase after him, tell him I miss him, try to come to some sort of understanding that has been eluding us for months, all the while hoping to hear that he still loves me just as much. The truth is that it's not HIS love and approval I've been needing, and he has every right to pursue whatever life that he wants for himself. When I turned around my judging thoughts about him and the situation, I found my own conflicting feelings about being "alone" right now. I found myself remembering my choice to be alone right now and all of the ways that choice is serving me. I found myself also remembering how nice it is to have a partner to share my life with--something that I have not felt for some time now and an awareness that makes me feel sad and excited as I prepare myself to start dating again. I found myself thinking of my former partner with deep love and appreciation, and also sadness for what is no longer between us. I found myself wanting him to be happy. I found myself wanting me to be happy.

Had I not stopped to realize that it was not him that I needed or him that was causing this reaction within me, I never would have come to these important conclusions about myself. In my passion for my work I can get so caught up in my projects that I leave little time for my other relationships, and the discovery that I made about my loneliness in those moments has reminded me of the continued need for balance in my life. Today, I still feel the grief, and I miss my friend and partner; however, I also feel surrounded by love and nurturing because I took the time to see past my abusive thoughts. I gave myself the attention that I felt I had lost from him. I became my own significant other, and I connected with my amazing best friend of 18 years who helped to remind me once again of how not alone that I am. Grief is good when we allow ourselves to feel it, to let it cleanse us and heal us...it is good when we recognize that it is our unquestioned thoughts that make it so unbearable, when we allow it to become our friend.

To learn more about how you can practice questioning your own thoughts, click here: http://bit.ly/n4Jzuf

With Love and Gratitude,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Are you being Selfish...or SOUL-fish?

2011-10-12T17:21:00.003-05:00

In teaching self-love and supporting my clients as they fill their lives with healthy self-love practices, it is not uncommon that I'm faced with the question, "But isn't choosing myself, selfish?" In our society that lauds giving and struggles with receiving it can certainly FEEL like pursuing our own happiness is selfish, can it not? It is also not uncommon that when my clients start more fully advocating for and creating what they want and need in their lives that their loved ones lash out with the statement, "You're being selfish!" Yikes! How does one deal with that?!

The truth is there is a very clear difference between selfishness and practicing self-love or what a friend of mine likes to call SOULFISHNESS. Selfishness is when we ask another to change or do something other than what he or she is doing in order to make us happy. We can certainly express if something is not working for us--giving others information as to what is pleasing to us is a great thing; however, when we place our ability to be happy on the actions of another, we are not only setting ourselves and our relationships up to fail, we are also asking a GREAT deal of our partners, friends, family, etc. Soulfishness is when we choose to act in accordance with what will make us happy, DESPITE the possible unpleasant reactions of others. It is not your job to make others happy, nor is it others' job to make YOU happy. When you choose what you need for yourself instead of looking to others to feed you, you are giving the most loving gift that you can to all of your relationships, including your primary relationship with yourself. So often when others say, "You are being selfish!" in response to a decision to do your own thing, focus on yourself, make a change that you need to in your life, it is THEM behaving selfishly because they are expecting you to do something that does not serve you in order to "make them happy." That external idea of happiness is always an illusion...relying on others whims to make us happy? Whew. What a miserable existence that is. It's wonderful to have compassion when you see someone creating suffering by not being in alignment with what is, and compassion never means saying yes when you mean no! Being patient with another persons' reaction and listening from a place of love is a beautiful thing if that serves you; however you do not need anyone's approval to be who you are or do what you need to do for yourself.

I once had a client ask me "What do I do when nurturing myself is in direct conflict with another (their joy, their needs, etc) how do you resolve that? How do you balance that?" My response to that is that "a direct conflict" between needs is an illusion unless it comes down to saving your life or your child's, period. If someone else wants you to go to a football game or concert or watch his/her kids, etc, and the voice inside you is saying, "No, I really would just love to stay home or do something else, etc," it is your job to listen to that voice and honor it, and it is the other person's job to decide how he/she wants to react to that choice. There is no such thing as needs being in conflict. I take care of me and you take care of you and loving each other means that we allow each other to be who we are--true unconditional love allows the freedom to pursue that which brings us joy. My happiness is not in conflict with your happiness. It is also not contingent upon your happiness. You can choose to tell a joyful story about your experience at any moment just as I can. Our happiness was meant to co-exist, not to depend on our take away from one another. It is an illusion to think that if we pursue our own joy that someone else will be unhappy as a result of that choice. Others can react in an unhappy manner, but the beauty is that they get to choose their reaction just as we all do! Let's choose joy, shall we?

So, honor those inner yes's and no's knowing that when you choose to be soulfish, you create the opportunity for your loved ones to authentically meet their own needs as well. Everybody wins when we take care of ourselves. Everybody. Imagine a world in which everyone fed their joy, a world in which everyone pursued that which made them happy instead of going around complaining about how unhappy everyone else is making them--there would be no need to hoard resources and wealth, create wars, cheat on our partners...the list could go on and on. By practicing soulfishness, you are one person closer to creating that world. Kind of cool to think that you can get the party started, huh?

If you find yourself having conflict between choosing self and meeting the needs of others, I have a FREE JoyDiva™ Celebration call coming up on Thursday, October 27 at 7pm Central / 8pm Eastern that is perfect for you! We are going to illuminate some of the ways that you can start identifying when you are being soulfish vs. selfish and what you can do about that to create more joy, confidence and thriving relationships in your life. Click here to sign up and get the details: http://eepurl.com/goExX

Love and Blessings to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Everything I do has to be perfect...Is that true?

2011-09-27T14:26:00.005-05:00

Today I write from the place of asking myself, "Why am I SO stressed out?!" Sometimes, I can find myself slipping into these unidentifiable bouts of anxiety and overwhelm, and I literally feel as if even the air around me is adding weight to my tired shoulders.

Yes, I have A LOT going on right now--I tend to juggle a lot of "jobs" in one and have many upcoming deadlines to meet while I embark on constant new territory. Yes, on the outset, this can clearly be causing stress, but when I scratch beneath the surface, I see something deeper going on here. It's one thing to be busy doing a lot of things that I love--that's just joyous to me, and is not inherently stressful, even if I'm quite busy. It's another thing entirely when I take a look at all of the self-talk that is accompanying all of this busy-ness. It's the self-talk that is making the air around me feel heavy and is giving me this general sense of dread as I approach of these tasks. It's the self-talk that in it's desire to keep me from failing is making me feel like a failure before I even begin!

I've been playing a lot lately with "The Work" of Byron Katie. Katie teaches us that we create suffering for ourselves when we unconsciously believe our thoughts. I love all that I do with JoyDiva™--my one-on-one coaching, sharing my music, retreats, teleclasses, and the many other things I do as I earn a living and beyond. What causes me suffering is when I start to believe the thought in my head that everything I do has to be "perfect," that there are hundreds, THOUSANDS of people counting on me to get it right, and I'm simply going to disappoint all of them. Yikes! Heavy stuff isn't it? Who the heck can have a good time doing what he or she "loves" while buying into to all of that painful banter?! I know I certainly am not.

The fun part is that I've had a moment of enlightenment. I've caught myself in the act of sabotaging myself, and now, I have the opportunity to question those thoughts and discover what REALLY is true. Katie teaches us how to question our thoughts by asking 4 questions and a turnaround. Here's what that looks like when I question my own thought, "Everything that I do has to be perfect":

1) Is that true?

Well, no, it's not true, even though it FEELS like it is true right now. No one has ACTUALLY said to me in my life that I have to be perfect. No one in my life has actually SAID to me that I'm a disappointment or have disappointed them (well, barring my mom when I was 16 and intentionally breaking my curfew to hang out with some guy...but that's another story. :)

2) Can I absolutely know that it's true?

No, I cannot--there are plenty of circumstances in which I've experienced it not being true.

3) Who am I, how do I react, when I believe that thought?

I'm frickin' stressed out! I hold back from saying how I really feel. I'm heavy and serious instead of my usual playful, happy self. I take what people say or don't say personally because I believe that they are judging me and that blocks intimacy in both personal and professional relationships. I am mistrusting and struggle to receive when people give me positive feedback. My mind is so constantly consumed with "trying to do the 'right' thing" that I can hardly even enjoy the moment. I feel like it's not ok to be ME.

4) Who would I be without that thought?

Holy Moly! I would feel so free! I would be open and sharing and I would dive into new things with total abandon. When I have a lot of work to do, I would simply get to work and enjoy the process. I would let myself take breaks and feel satisfied with what I create. When I perform, I would laugh at myself when I "make a mistake." I would be playful and real. I would simply be ME. It would be incredibly liberating.

The next step is what Katie calls a "Turnaround." If I were to turn the thought, "Everything that I do has to be perfect," that might look like:

1) Everything that I do is already perfect. Is that true?

Yes, in many ways it is! "Perfect" doesn't ACTUALLY exist, so when I am being me and doing what I love, and even when it's really messy--ESPECIALLY when it's messy, that is exactly what it needs to be for all involved. When I allow whatever needs to unfold in the moment simply to unfold, it is unfolding in the perfect right time for exactly the right people, including myself.

2) Everything that other people do has to be perfect. Is that true?

Yes, in some ways it is when I think about the high expectations that I can have of my loved ones. When I believe that I have to be perfect, I can put a lot of pressure on the people around me to do the same. I can project my own self-loathing onto the people who I love in my life when I see them not saying and doing what I want them to. I make this thought true with my high expectations.

3) Everything that I do does not have to be perfect. Is that true?

Yes! It is very true. I feel so much happier when I am simply being myself and being loving toward the people around me. The truth is that my clients, fans, friends and family members love me EVEN more when I am not trying so hard to be perfect--the best part is that they love me know matter what. I can even remember someone coming up to me after a gig and telling me how much she loved a song that I played when I made a mistake and giggled at myself--she said that it made it more real, and more beautiful.

And so, there you have it: This thought that I've been buying into, that has been causing me all of this suffering and stress is not actually true. It is liberating, and comforting to make this realization, AND I feel WAY less stressed out. Whew! I'm grateful to myself for taking the time to walk through this thought exercise and incredibly grateful to Byron Katie for sharing her wonderful work in the world. Now I can go eat and truly enjoy my lunch. :)

To learn more about Byron Katie, her books, and programs, visit: http://www.thework.com/index.php

If you are looking for a coach with realness and humor to help you cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself, I would be honored to explore that with you. As I continue on my self-love journey, I love nothing more than helping other women see themselves as the completely loveable, perfectly imperfect beings that they are...and to help them CELEBRATE in that fact.

Oh Yes, and before I go eat my lunch...:), I want to make sure that you know about the FREE JoyDiva™ Celebration call that is happening next week--If you like what you found in this blog, I've got even more goodies to share with you on the call:

First FREE JoyDiva Celebration call Date and Time: Thursday, October 6, 7pm Central / 8pm Eastern. (This first call will be 30 minutes in length.)

Love and Blessings to you.

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Taking Space in Our Relationships

2011-08-30T00:35:00.001-05:00

I love the healing and growth that can come out of taking space from people sometimes...even when that space needs to last for years...and the cool discoveries that can happen when we reconnect. A wise woman I know once said to me, "You can love anyone from a certain distance, and you just need to figure out what that distance is." Sometimes taking space is the most powerful way that we can love one another.

Are there people in your life that you are afraid to let go of who are not fully serving you right now? Has someone needed to create space and you're feeling all of your fears of rejection and abandonment coming up? I invite you to dive into those feelings--what are those fears trying to tell you that you need to give to yourself? What nurturing activities can you do on your own to bring you into your groundedness? And finally, what are the gifts that could come out of letting go and taking space...for both you and the other person?

With Much Love,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter

Receving As a Spiritual Act

2011-04-06T17:25:00.001-05:00

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

This past Saturday, I embarked on what is in many ways the most vulnerable journey that I've ever taken, and it has caused me to think a lot about my own beliefs and what I perceive to be our collective beliefs regarding both giving and receiving.

As a Life Coach, I spend a lot of time mentoring my clients in how to receive. Let's face it: giving feels good. It brings us joy. We get to feel the warm fuzzies of making someone else's day better. It gives us a sense of validation and worth. When looking for quotations on this topic I found loads and loads of statements along the lines of, "He who gives is the golden child and deserves all of our love and adoration." But what about receiving? To open ourselves to communicate our needs, to allow ourselves to breathe in goodness, to fully own a compliment, to set boundaries for ourselves, to indulge in something that feels nurturing--these things all feel pretty darn scary to ask for, vulnerable, self-centered, you name it, and it certainly was challenging to find quotations that PRAISE receiving, barring our friend Nietzsche the Nihilist, quoted above. Isn't it the humble thing to shirk off a compliment, to decline help when it is offered? And God forbid one should be allowed to actually ASK for what one needs! Yikes!

Yes, it is true that when giving talks about cultivating joy in our lives, I invite people to approach their lives from a place of service, but I ALSO, invite people to take time to acknowledge themselves, to set healthy boundaries, to RECEIVE, to honor the truth of who they are. The truth is that giving and receiving are not separate actions at all--they are a part of the larger ebb and flow of existence. We cannot have one without the other, and we cannot have JOY without embracing both equally in our lives. We cannot breathe out without breathing in, and vice versa.

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

I love this quotation because it points to both giving and receiving as necessary acts--we need to give just as much as we need to receive, and when we don't allow ourselves to fully receive, we rob the giver of this need. Here is a recent story from a friend of mine that powerfully illustrates this:

"My younger son gave us some of his money yesterday and I took it and my husband refused. Then I got [my husband] to see that he should also gratefully take it. Then my son tried to give his older brother 5 bucks when he came home and the older one would NOT accept. And it made the younger one CRY. It was so sad. Yes, in failing to receive we fail the joy of the giver as well."

In receiving we give, and in giving, we receive--this little boy understands this, perfectly.

Yes, this past Saturday I embarked on one the most vulnerable journeys of my life thus far--I started an online fundraising campaign for my debut CD, "Be a Light." In the days since, I have felt isolation, shame, guilt, and my self-talk has been a fascinating array of judgments that reflect all of these feelings. I have boldly and courageously thrust myself into the role of receiver, and in this culture that praises givers, it has been a lonely place to live. And yet, I am growing, learning and simultaneously feeling more and more worthy to ask for what I need everyday. I realize now that fundraising has become a spiritual act for me--an opportunity to dive into these feelings and recognize that I am part of this larger ebb and flow, and that I am worth communicating my needs fully. I give of myself everyday as a giver, nurturer, and supporter of dreams. Now, it is my turn to open up and be a receptacle--to breathe in so that I can breathe out my musical goodness more fully into the world. As scary as this all is, I am proud of myself for boldly asking for support, and I hope that in my vulnerability, I might inspire others to do the same.

Click here to watch an amazing video and learn more about my fundraising journey:http://www.indiegogo.com/BeALightCD

With Much Love and Gratitude,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

Upcoming Retreat: Envision Your Life, 2011 and Beyond!

2011-01-07T20:11:00.001-06:00

Hello Lovelies!

On Saturday, March 5th, 2011 from 9am to 4pm (only a little over two months away!) 12 women and I will embark on a journey of discovering infinite possibilities for our lives. Through Journaling around powerful inquiries, engaging our bodies in gentle movement led by certified Yoga instructor, Laura Godfrey (click here to learn more about Laura), expressing ourselves through creative projects, and sharing our hopes and fears with one another, we will explore our dreams, discover and work toward releasing the limiting beliefs that hold us back, and create practical steps toward making our visions for our lives a passionate reality.

If you think that sounds like a wonderful experience, it gets even better! Not only will we be embarking on a life-changing journey with other amazing women, we will be doing so amidst the beautiful natural landscape and centering facilities of the Platinum LEED Certified Holy Wisdom Monastery, a retreat center located just on the edge of Middleton, WI. To learn more about this AMAZING space and their offerings, visit, http://www.benedictinewomen.org/. This building is as environmentally sustainable as it gets and incredibly beautiful! I can’t wait for us to grow in it together!

This retreat is a wonderful alternative (and antidote!) to overwhelming New Year's resolutions and perfect for all of you women who want to start off this next year...and the rest of your lives, more in alignment with who you REALLY are...your fabulous, passionate, joyful selves. Yippee! I can't wait! And GUESS WHAT?! It gets EVEN better!

I am offering an EARLY BIRD SPECIAL from now until February 2nd, 2011. That’s right. From now until February 2nd, I am making this retreat available for just $99—that includes:

- a delicious, all natural lunch provided by the staff at Holy Wisdom Monastery
- all retreat materials
- time to reflect on and explore your inner most dreams
- time to connect with beautiful, natural surroundings
- discovering the core limiting beliefs and behaviors that keep you from your dreams
- tools to release your limiting beliefs and positive steps toward creating your joyful vision right away
- have the opportunity to experience my loving, acknowledgment-based coaching in action.
- connection with other fabulous women (!)
- the ability to express yourself in a safe, and accepting environment
- an opportunity to connect with your body and explore it's innate wisdom
- an opportunity to connect with your creative power
- re-igniting or igniting for the first time your passion and inspiration
- and the opportunity to create positive, lasting, joyful results for the rest of your life.

Contact me TODAY to register for Envision Your Life!
After February 2nd the cost goes up to $129, so you better ACT NOW as I am only accepting 12 women in order to allow plenty of time and intimate connection for all who attend. Don’t miss your chance to experience this amazingly fun and nurturing event and all of the positive growth that will follow!

Much Love and I can't WAIT to see you in March!

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

This Year I Resolve to be Kind to Myself *

2010-12-27T16:52:00.001-06:00

A few days ago I misplaced my car keys for what felt like the millionth time. Of course, it was only an hour before I had to lead an after school girl’s group at a local middle school; and of course, I realized that my car keys were sitting in the front seat of someone else’s car on the other side of town. It was nothing short of a hair-pulling, expletive-screaming, time-to-pause-and-take-deep-breaths kind of experience. Needless to say, I was more than a little bit frustrated with myself in that moment.

As we embark on yet another new year, I could resolve to end these car-key catastrophes once and for all—getting one, or perhaps 5, spare sets would probably solve the problem. I could resolve to be more organized, thus avoiding these hectic moments, but let’s face it people. I was the kid who not only needed her mittens sewn to the sleeves of her winter jacket, I was also the kid who needed an organizer on her desk in the fifth grade to ensure that she took the correct folders home from school. If it’s not my keys, or my mittens, or my homework eluding me, then it’s probably going to be something else. That’s just…me. This year, instead of steeping myself in piles of well-wishes and adding to a list of good intentions that make my stomach churn, I simply resolve to be kind to myself.

In all of our good intentions it can become so easy to lose the most important ingredient in living a joyful life: the truth of who we are--the fact that we are loveable no matter what the bathroom scale says, or how much money is in our bank account, or how good we are at keeping track of our car keys. As human beings, we attach ourselves to an illusion of perfection, the belief that we are somehow not enough as we are. One day, we look into the mirror, and all that we can see are the ways in which we don’t measure up.

The exciting news is that we have a choice. We do not have to buy into that illusion. We do not have to resolve to be somehow better than we are, to be more than we are, and it is entirely possible to love ourselves—as challenging as that may seem, at first.

One of the most powerful tools that we have in creating joy is our ability to acknowledge ourselves, to draw our attention to the good in who we are and what we do. My primary role as a life coach is to direct my clients toward rediscovering the magnificence that shines through them every day. The truth is YOU are magnificent. We all are. We each have a unique gift to offer the world, and believe it or not, we each offer that gift every day that we rise. I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every single day?”

The more that you focus on all that is magnificent within you, the more you will see those parts of yourself thriving, and many of the parts that frustrate you will begin to fall away. Just like we did when we were children, we thrive when we feel loved and accepted. If you so desperately want to be good, to be a success, I suggest that you start seeking the good within yourself, right now. You will be amazed at what you find.

One thing that I know for certain is that the part of me that causes me to misplace my car keys is also the part of me that allows me to be creative and quirky and spontaneously joyful. I am constantly exploring and theorizing. I am a woman of high ideals and bright ideas. Organizing stuff might not be my forte, but being present and compassionate with people is. If I hadn’t experienced my missing car-key fiasco the other day, I wouldn’t have had a laughter-producing story to share with the girls that I teach.

And so, this year, before you resolve to climb a hill of high expectations, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every day?” Get creative—see how long that you can make that list; and if you forget to ask yourself that question, be kind to yourself anyway. After all, you are magnificent…just as you are.

*Originally Published in the January 2010 edition of Wisconsin Woman Magazine.

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. To learn more, visit: www.igniteyourvoice.com

So Much to Love...

2010-12-07T13:57:00.001-06:00

I'm acutely aware of the rich abundance that is my life these days. I'm noticing the people that I'm meeting, the opportunities that are unfolding, and I am seeing co-creation in action. I'm tearing up about all of the goodness and magical wonder on a regular basis, which is always a good sign--my tears are always a product of abundant overflow within me and around me.

Yesterday, I found myself sitting down with a new friend and colleague and being in awe of his loving spirit, in awe of his desire to give, and in awe of his solid trust in the positive unfolding of his life. At the end of our connection I experienced him uttering the words, "My last question for you is: What are some other ways that I can help you?"

I found myself walking away from this meeting feeling full--of gratitude, of love, of possibility. What this lovely person didn't know at the time that he asked me this question (at least know consciously, that is), is that for a month or two now I have been verbalizing to loved ones that I'm learning how to ask for help, that I'm opening myself to receiving support, that 2011 is going to be about support and collaboration for me. I couldn't help but notice that this kind of question, "How can I help you?" has been showing up in my life in many forms lately. I experience this as a response to this exciting shift that is happening inside of me--I am opening myself to become a true receptacle, and in turn I'm discovering a new overflow inside of me. I'm feeling excited about my life in ways that I haven't felt in a long time. I'm feeling connected to the Divine. I'm trusting. I'm believing in the power of my own actions in relationship to this flow of support.

And from this place, I couldn't help but notice all of the people it took--amazing, overflowing people--and small, courageous choices that it took me to get to this meeting with this one loving person. I started going backwards and found that there was this connective chain of glorious people and choices that I've been acting upon that date back years and years. As I've chosen to move in the direction of that which brings me the most joy, I've made connection after connection that continues to move me forward, to give me the resources that I need to give my unique gifts to the world. Hallelujah. When I open me eyes to see the interconnectedness of all that is, I can't help but discover that I live an abundant existence.

Wishing the same abundant goodness for you!

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

Gratitude--A Light Amidst The Darkness

2010-11-23T12:05:00.001-06:00

An oldie but goodie, I wrote the below article in December of 2008, but it's message continues to ring true today.

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." ~G.K. Chesterton
As we travel amongst this season of shorter days and longer nights, it can be a challenge, at times, to find the light within the darkness. The holidays are fast approaching and some of us might not feel the abundance of joy at this time of year that we would like to, some of us might be struggling to pay our bills as the world economy is rapidly shifting, for some it might be a reminder of loss, and for some it can merely be a stressful time filled with too many expectations and not enough sunlight.

This time of year challenges us to turn inward. It is a time of reflection and renewal--a time to discover our own unique source of light. The clearest, simplest way for us to make that light shine brighter, to fuel our joy, is through our ability to be grateful for even the smallest of things, the tiniest of moments, including those things that challenge us or create feelings of pain.

People often wonder what comes first, gratitude or joy. It is easy to feel grateful when we are feeling happy--the world seems to be one big toy store filled with all we could ever ask for; the more joy we experience the more grateful we feel. Yet, it is truly our gratitude that fuels our joy. When we find ways to be grateful for even our struggle, seeing the opportunities those challenges create, the growth, we plant seeds of joy that sprout in even the coldest and darkest of places.

I invite you to ask yourself, "What do I have to be grateful for in this moment?" Pay attention to the air that is feeding your lungs with oxygen, the shelter around you, the clothing on your body, the fact that you are here to breathe-in this moment in the first place. That in itself is a miracle. Now think about the relationships in your life, the loving ones and even the not-so-loving ones--what blessings have you received from all of those connections? Whether or not you are in a time of challenge or ease right now, in what way is the Universe loving you at every moment? What is the gift of this time? If you really allow yourself to answer these questions, the gifts that you discover will be infinite.

I have most certainly felt the impact of the current state of our economy--my own clients getting laid off from jobs and less people choosing to invest in their own personal growth at this time of year, and yet, I feel more abundant than ever. The true gift of this time is that despite my inability to splurge on pretty things and travel adventures, I am happy. I am seeing how full my life is, that I ALWAYS have what I truly need, no matter what. As I prepare for a busier coaching season ahead, my relationship with my finances is clearer and healthier than ever. This awakening would not have been possible without the opportunity I've had to experience having significantly less. I feel very loved by this time because I now know how to better manage my money--that is clearly a life long lesson that will only bring me more!

In what ways are you being prepared for the life that you want for yourself? How might you turn times of struggle into opportunities for joy? As you discover the myriad of ways in which you have to be grateful (the list is endless--I promise!) you will discover a light to carry with you in even the darkest of times. The miracle of this season is not in the sparkling lights or our ability to top last year's presents, it lies in our ability to ignite that light of thankfulness within our hearts and shine it so that others might benefit from our joy. I invite you to dig deeply into even the darkest of spaces and delight in what you find.

Would you like some assistance in seeing the bigger picture and finding all that you have to be grateful for? I would love nothing more than to help you discover the beautiful life that awaits you. Through a series of powerful inquiries and looking at your Astrological Chart I can reveal some powerful tools that you have within you to start living a life of passion and purpose, NOW. Contact me for your FREE Joy-Awakening Call so that we can explore the many ways that my coaching will support you in living your best life OUT LOUD!: igniteyourvoice@gmail.com.

With Love and Deep Gratitude,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

Say "YES!" to saying "NO!" :)

2010-09-08T17:46:00.000-05:00

"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough." ~ Josh Billings

I found myself honored recently when a friend told me that she felt comfortable asking me for help because she trusted that I would say "no" if I didn't want to or was unable help. This simple statement meant a lot to me and illustrates a powerful truth: When we honor ourselves and others with boundaries, we create ease, freedom, and comfort in our relationships. My friend knew that she could trust me to be honest, that by asking me for help, I would not make myself uncomfortable in order to please her. She felt free knowing that I am able to take responsibility for my own self-care, and she also felt really grateful upon receiving my "yes," knowing that it was heartfelt and sincere.

Every time that we say "yes" when we really mean "no," we are undermining our inherent worth. We are saying, "I am not worthy of honoring what I want and what feels good to me. If I want your love, I need to do something or be something that I am not." Oh, silly Ego--always trying to tell us that we're not enough. The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH! The truth is, there is nothing that any of us ever has to do or be other than what feels nurturing to us. When we honor this truth, we discover the beautiful, abundant, overwhelming power of self-love, TRUE love. Every time that we jump through hoops in hopes to gain love and approval, we keep that love and approval at arms length--we are saying that love is something outside of us that we do not already possess within. We do not serve anyone, ourselves or others, by dishonoring our internal "no." Instead, we are merely giving our power away in our attempt to please.

The irony is that in all of our efforts to please, we are actually placing a lot of responsibility and burden on those that we care about. My friend found freedom and comfort in my ability to say "no" because she didn't have to worry about whether or not I was feeling uncomfortable, harboring resentments, or going to have hidden expectations--she knew that she didn't have to be anything but simply grateful. By practicing self-care on a regular basis, I gave her the space to practice her own self-care. By setting healthy boundaries in my relationships, I am tapping into the love that is at my core and my "yes" can come from an internal space of feeling full--my kindness is able to come forth simply because I have love to give. No neediness, no hidden expectations--by honoring my boundaries, I've become my own kind of high-powered love generator, with plenty to give and little need for outside maintenance. :)

In what ways might you find yourself saying, "yes" when you really mean, "no?" Whether it be your boss, your spouse, your best friend, your children, or the person you've just met, it can be so easy to find yourself slipping into this all-so-human pattern to please. What are some of the positive ways that these relationships would start to shift by simply honoring your inner truth? How would you feel about yourself if you practiced saying, "no" more often? As always, I hope that you delight in what you find.

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

2010-07-17T18:06:00.000-05:00

This showed up in my inbox today, and I hardcore loved it so much (and needed its medicine) that I thought it worth re-posting. Much love to you all, and blessings as you continue to tune and re-tune into your own inner song. :)Melissa

July 16, 2010

Tweet Less, Kiss More

By BOB HERBERT

I was driving from Washington to New York one afternoon on Interstate 95 when a car came zooming up behind me, really flying. I could see in the rearview mirror that the driver was talking on her cellphone.
I was about to move to the center lane to get out of her way when she suddenly swerved into that lane herself to pass me on the right — still chatting away. She continued moving dangerously from one lane to another as she sped up the highway.
A few days later, I was talking to a guy who commutes every day between New York and New Jersey. He props up his laptop on the front seat so he can watch DVDs while he’s driving.
“I only do it in traffic,” he said. “It’s no big deal.”
Beyond the obvious safety issues, why does anyone want, or need, to be talking constantly on the phone or watching movies (or texting) while driving? I hate to sound so 20th century, but what’s wrong with just listening to the radio? The blessed wonders of technology are overwhelming us. We don't control them; they control us.
We've got cellphones and BlackBerrys and Kindles and iPads, and we're e-mailing and text-messaging and chatting and tweeting — I used to call it Twittering until I was corrected by high school kids who patiently explained to me, as if I were the village idiot, that the correct term is tweeting. Twittering, tweeting — whatever it is, it sounds like a nervous disorder.
This is all part of what I think is one of the weirder aspects of our culture: a heightened freneticism that seems to demand that we be doing, at a minimum, two or three things every single moment of every hour that we're awake. Why is multitasking considered an admirable talent? We could just as easily think of it as a neurotic inability to concentrate for more than three seconds.
Why do we have to check our e-mail so many times a day, or keep our ears constantly attached, as if with Krazy Glue, to our cellphones? When you watch the news on cable television, there are often additional stories being scrolled across the bottom of the screen, stock market results blinking on the right of the screen, and promos for upcoming features on the left. These extras often block significant parts of the main item we're supposed to be watching.
A friend of mine told me about an engagement party that she had attended. She said it was lovely: a delicious lunch and plenty of Champagne toasts. But all the guests had their cellphones on the luncheon tables and had text-messaged their way through the entire event.
Enough already with this hyperactive behavior, this techno-tyranny and nonstop freneticism. We need to slow down and take a deep breath.
I'm not opposed to the remarkable technological advances of the past several years. I don't want to go back to typewriters and carbon paper and yellowing clips from the newspaper morgue. I just think that we should treat technology like any other tool. We should control it, bending it to our human purposes.
Let’s put down at least some of these gadgets and spend a little time just being ourselves. One of the essential problems of our society is that we have a tendency, amid all the craziness that surrounds us, to lose sight of what is truly human in ourselves, and that includes our own individual needs — those very special, mostly nonmaterial things that would fulfill us, give meaning to our lives, enlarge us, and enable us to more easily embrace those around us.
There’s a character in the August Wilson play “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone” who says everyone has a song inside of him or her, and that you lose sight of that song at your peril. If you get out of touch with your song, forget how to sing it, you're bound to end up frustrated and dissatisfied.
As this character says, recalling a time when he was out of touch with his own song, “Something wasn't making my heart smooth and easy.”
I don't think we can stay in touch with our song by constantly Twittering or tweeting, or thumbing out messages on our BlackBerrys, or piling up virtual friends on Facebook.
We need to reduce the speed limits of our lives. We need to savor the trip. Leave the cellphone at home every once in awhile. Try kissing more and tweeting less. And stop talking so much.
Listen.
Other people have something to say, too. And when they don't, that glorious silence that you hear will have more to say to you than you ever imagined. That is when you will begin to hear your song. That’s when your best thoughts take hold, and you become really you.

The Most Important Act

2010-07-12T15:29:00.007-05:00

"As the bus slowed down at the crowded bus stop, the Pakistani bus conductor leaned from the platform and called out, "Six only!" The bus stopped. He counted on six passengers, rang the bell, and then, as the bus moved off, called to those left behind: "So sorry, plenty of room in my heart - but the bus is full." He left behind a row of smiling faces. It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it." ~The Friendship Book of Francis Gay, 1977

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~Dalai Lama

Being a pretty thoughtful person by nature, I've become hyper-aware lately of the ways in which I can all too easily go on auto-pilot and even be the one yelling at the person in the car in front of me that is taking his precious time making a left turn when I'm trying desperately to get somewhere that is "more important" than being right where I am in that moment...if I tape myself, I would probably both cringe and laugh at how ridiculous and "important" I sound in those moments. But as I wrote in a song [Be Here Now] recently, "The moment before me is all that I need, the fear and the sadness my guide. The more that I open to all that I see, the more I feel it all dissolve into love." Part of being open to all that I see means being present for those who stand before me. It means asking "How are you?" and actually pausing to listen for the answer. It means recognizing that I'm...ahem...not the only person on the road who is trying to get somewhere. It might seem like it takes energy to pay attention, but the cost of NOT paying attention proves much more detrimental in the long-run--to our mental, physical, spiritual, emotional well-being, not to mention the well-being of those around us.

As far as I'm concerned, the most important acts in life are those of kindness. Being on time is cool, but not when it means being rude in order to get there (note to self...:)...). Being right and passionately expressing in that righteousness has its place, but most of the time we can fall into a trap of being "right" rather than being kind. Justice is not truly just without compassion and Truth bears no meaning without love. Social justice just doesn't even seem very "social" when anger and argumentativeness take precedent in our relations with one another. I understand getting things done--BP is not going to stop oil from spewing into the ocean by standing around hugging and smiling at each other, but they aren't going to get things done in argument with one another either. Just think of how just our world would be if we all practiced regular acts of kindness--as in getting out of the way and REALLY listening to one another.

Yet, no matter how kind we feel ourselves to be at our core, it becomes all too easy to forget this one, basic truth--to get caught up in our heads, to feel that it is more important to get where we are going than to BE with the person in front of us, to feel that it is just too hard to reach out when life is pouring down on us. But what truly matters most, what changes lives, what transforms our world, is our small actions, our ability to be kind to the person who stands before us.

If you are questioning your purpose here on this planet...start with tiny acts of kindness, and you will soon discover that your question has been answered--it's easy to think that we have to do something BIG, but how we conduct ourselves and the people we touch when we're on the way to pursuing this big purpose, are really what matter. If you are overwhelmed with life, if you are terrified of failure, if you have NO IDEA how to climb out of the hole that you find yourself in, be kind to the person in front of you and you will find your power. Reach beyond your grief, do the vulnerable thing--smile, say hello, stop, listen, validate, seek out all that you share with the person beside you. What will you find in Kindness' wake? Joy. What will you leave in Kindness' wake? More Joy. Blossoming lives. Abounding goodness.

Let's try it, shall we? :)

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. To Learn more visit: www.igniteyourvoice.com

Bathing in the Mud of Our Lives

2010-02-02T21:36:00.002-06:00

"Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things."

~ The Tao Te Ching, Chapter 15

It is not in pushing or pulling, in forcing ourselves to have certain thoughts over others, or in forcing situations to move in one direction or the other that we cultivate joy in our lives. It is when we first allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling, when we create time and space to bathe in the mud and muck of our existence that we make room for joy to peek it's shining head from below the murky surface.

In a new age of "positive thinking," I believe that people are being sadly misinformed to simply "stop thinking negative thoughts" or in that same vein, "to focus on the positive" when they are feeling anything but positive. I invite you to raise your hand if it has ever worked for you to stop thinking negative thoughts, to stop feeling down, or to feel joy...on command. (Ok, so I can't SEE you as you read this, but something tells me you are not raising your hand.) Just as it rarely works to tell a small child to stop crying and get the desired results, as adults we cannot force our feelings from one direction to the other. Just as that child will probably start crying harder and louder upon being told to stop, the ego voices in our heads will do the same if we ignore or resist our suffering. Now don't get me wrong. I am the number one fan of gratitude, and finding beauty amidst the struggle, but I've learned that before I can appreciate the struggle, I have to allow the pain to run its course. Yes people--a large part of feeling deep joy in our existence is in allowing ourselves to feel like total crap.

In our instant gratification society, we've programmed ourselves to resist all that is uncomfortable, to insure ourselves against unknown threats, to stay inside the lines of expectation in order to avoid unknown consequences. At any glimpse of discomfort, something inside of us signals that we are standing in the middle of a burning fire, and we do whatever we can to jump out of it. The irony is that by doing this, we only perpetuate our discomfort and add fuel to the fire of fear within us. It is only by choosing to face the discomfort, to walk through the fire, that we discover the warm knowing, the sense of deeper fulfillment that inevitably follows; and sometimes "walking through the fire" means being still with our discomfort until we are inspired to act again. Sitting with discomfort requires patience. It is a courageous act of surrender.

One of my favorite mantras at the moment is the phrase, "Thy will be done." This is a phrase that we hear spoken in the "Lord's Prayer" of the Christian tradition, and it is a phrase that I have come to see in a whole new light recently. To me, when I speak this phrase, I am saying, "I trust you completely God/Universe/Spirit/Source/Life. I trust that your will is for the highest good of all, and I surrender." In its natural state, all of life is built to thrive. When I surrender to whatever is unfolding in my life, when I stop pushing and pulling in one direction or the other, I am getting out of the way of my ability to thrive. I do not have all of the answers, and I never will. It is only arrogant for me to believe that I can know at all times the best path to take for my life, but when I surrender, when I say, "Thy will be done," I am choosing to see that I am loved by every process that unfolds in my life. It is in those moments of surrender, that my joy whispers the next step in my ear, and my path is illuminated once more.

In what ways do you resist your thoughts and feelings? Are there areas of your life that you are trying to force? Perhaps you have grown attached to an outcome that has become limiting or a vision of your life that has you feeling overwhelmed. What would happen if you simply allowed yourself to feel it, to sit with that sense of struggle? What would happen if you stopped running around or trying to "figure it out?" What if you simply let yourself feel scared? I invite you to breathe in that awareness. Just take a couple of deep breaths. As you allow yourself to wade into the mud of your life, as you choose to be patient while that mud settles and the waters run clear, I invite you to know that you are loved by every process that unfolds in your life. You are magnificent and lovable even in your most vulnerable moments. You were born to thrive as all that you are. Breathe in. Breathe out.

There is a peace that comes when we choose to honor the truth of what we are feeling. I invite you to bathe in that truth. Get messy. Get muddy. I hope that you delight in what you find.

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

*Photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14833125@N02/2825321490/

Feeling Abundant Amidst the Struggle

2010-01-04T20:50:00.003-06:00

Toward the end of the week, I am scheduled to give a talk entitled "Joy is an Inside Job" at a local professional woman's networking group. This is all fine and good, but if you were to check in with the loved one who stayed up late with me on the phone last night (Thank you!)...he could clue you in on my overwhelm, and the pain I've experienced in some crucial aspects of my life recently. Someone once asked me what I would do if I was scheduled to give a talk on joy when I'm not feeling particularly joyful in my own life...last night, my answer would have been: Ugggggghhhhh.

It is the heart of winter in Madison, WI, single digit temperatures and not a lot of daylight. With the dawning of 2010, I've found myself more exhausted than energized, feeling like I'd rather crawl under a rock than set a dynamic vision for the year to come. This is actually not unusual for me at this time of year...all of the expectations around the New Year feed this insatiable voice inside of my head that's soul survival depends on my willingness to believe that I will be a failure, no matter how hard I try. Overwhelming moments like this in my life are clear indicators that it is time to ignite MY voice again. Somewhere along the way, I've begun to tune her out, and today, it was time to listen.

I decided to bundle myself up and go for a long walk in the Aldo Leopold Nature Center near my home. I spent an hour there, listening to the snow crunching beneath my feet, looking at the tracks, and standing still while listening to the immense silence that winter emanates. It was then, that I heard my voice, my consciousness underneath all of the chatter, and as tears welled up in my eyes here is what came to me:

I've come to notice that when I'm feeling intense sadness, fear, joy or gratitude I always cry--whether I'm feeling despair or immense joy, my body seems to respond in very much the same way. It is an outpouring of emotion, an overflow, an abundance of feeling. When I've thought about abundance, it is easy to think that some experiences constitute abundance and others do not, that we are only abundant when we are feeling joyful and not when we are feeling sad. But the truth is LIFE is abundant, every last moment of it. My overwhelming pain can be an example of this just as well as my joy is an example. My tears are a reminder of this. Even when I think that I have nothing left to give, my tears remind me of the abundance that flows up from the core of my being. When I remember that I AM abundant at all times, then even in my emptiest moments I can recognize glimpses of joy through my tears of pain.

As much joy as I can get from speaking about it and assisting others in discovering their joy, I have to remember sometimes that I've come to this life philosophy because I've allowed myself to feel ALL of life. So what am I going to share in my talk at the end of the week? I'm going to tell them the truth: That early in the week I felt overwhelmed by life, and in my overwhelm, I dug in to find something beautiful. I am going to share how I found joy, and tapped into abundance when it was the last thing that I was feeling. Life is constantly showing me that darkness and light exist simultaneously. Today, amidst the stark cold of winter, I found my own light by delving into the darkness.

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

Breathing In Life

2009-12-13T17:33:00.010-06:00

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am." ~Sylvia Plath

When I look back upon this last year, it's been a year of taking a step back, clarifying my vision and gaining confidence in new directions. It has been one of the most challenging years that I can recall, one of not always feeling fully at home in my own skin, a lot of unknowns, and many moments of self-doubt. I branched out as a speaker and singer/songwriter while at the same time experiencing my Spiritual Coaching and Astrology practice at somewhat of a standstill. The shift in our economy was a painful experience for me but in many ways, exactly what I needed. I needed a break. I needed to recharge. It was time for a long, deep, breath.

In looking at many of life's processes, I can't help but notice that there is an in-breath and an out-breath to all of existence. I'm reminded of the famous Biblical passage from Ecclesiastes that was popularized in 1965 by The Byrds--this theme shows up in religious traditions throughout time: "There is a time to rend and a time to sew;...a time to keep silent and a time to speak;... a time to mourn and a time to dance." We breathe in; we breathe out. When it comes to creating our lives, this process is no different--yet, so many of us, myself included, can find it so much easier to run around doing, doing, doing and we don't make time for a deep in-breath, both literally and figuratively. After a long period of exhaling into my life, it was time to stop, pause, and fill myself up again; and if I really assess the challenges presented to me in this past year, I can't help but notice that it was my own resistance to all that is that brought so much unease into my experience. It is a much more vulnerable experience to breath-in, to sit still and receive, than it is to be in the confident space of breathing into the world. In many ways, I felt lost, alone and wanting to be anywhere but here. Sound familiar?

It is easy to forget that we co-create our lives with God/Universe/Spirit/Source. When it comes to manifesting all of the goodness that we can muster into our lives, we can so easily try to force things, to think that if we are not doing something at all times to bring that vision into reality that it won't happen, that our dreams won't come true. I was forced to take a long hard look at this behavior in this past year. I see it in myself and in my clients all of the time. It can feel TERRIFYING to sit back and wait for inspiration, to trust that if we don't have the answer NOW that it will come later. Yet, I've learned that if I don't honor the need for stillness, or to take a nap, or to read Harry Potter, or play when I feel like I "should be doing something important", I rob myself of the support that I need. I keep myself from "hearing" the answers, from knowing what is truly right for me, and in those moments, I'm not trusting that there is a time, and a purpose for everything that is unfolding. I'm not giving myself the nutrients that a nice, long inhale provides.

In co-creating our lives we must take time to breathe in--to envision what it is that we want to create, to feel all of the passion and excitement around that vision, and then to remain open for inspiration to help us move toward that vision. It is THEN, that we are able to breathe out goodness into the world, acting on that inspiration, doing all that we can with what we know and have in front of us to move that vision into reality. We then continue the cycle by breathing in again until inspiration strikes us once more.

So, after a long year of resisting this process and being terrified of doing "nothing" and at times, working REALLY HARD at "nothing" ;), I've discovered that it is in the moments when I let myself play, relax, rest and be still that I am infinitely supported, and life unfolds with ease. When I've allowed myself to truly BE whatever I need to be within each moment, songs have been written, new visions for my business have been born--a great deal of new additions will be added to my website in the new year. This has happened all in the perfect, right amount of time. What would it be like if I release more of my resistance to this natural process of life and make that much more time for freedom, ease and joy? I am absolutely willing to find out! :)

In this next year, I am inviting all of us to give ourselves a break and to trust in all that is unfolding. Take a deep breath--all is as it needs to be, and we are loved by every process. Even if you find yourself doubting and struggling against this, I invite you to do as one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Adyashanti, has said, "Enjoy yourself. Even when you're not." In every moment that we are alive, there is goodness to be found.

As always, if you would like support in embracing and celebrating the many beautiful aspects of your being, contact me for a free sample session: igniteyourvoice@gmail.com. I look forward to getting to know you!

©2009 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

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(You can take a listen here, if you'd like: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_10626711)

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With Much Love,

:)Melissa SimonsonAstrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter

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The Most Important Act

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~Dalai Lama

Let's try it, shall we? :)

©2010 Melissa Simonson

Bathing in the Mud of Our Lives

Feeling Abundant Amidst the Struggle

Breathing In Life

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,