"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough." ~ Josh Billings
I found myself honored recently when a friend told me that she felt comfortable asking me for help because she trusted that I would say "no" if I didn't want to or was unable help. This simple statement meant a lot to me and illustrates a powerful truth: When we honor ourselves and others with boundaries, we create ease, freedom, and comfort in our relationships. My friend knew that she could trust me to be honest, that by asking me for help, I would not make myself uncomfortable in order to please her. She felt free knowing that I am able to take responsibility for my own self-care, and she also felt really grateful upon receiving my "yes," knowing that it was heartfelt and sincere.
Every time that we say "yes" when we really mean "no," we are undermining our inherent worth. We are saying, "I am not worthy of honoring what I want and what feels good to me. If I want your love, I need to do something or be something that I am not." Oh, silly Ego--always trying to tell us that we're not enough. The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH! The truth is, there is nothing that any of us ever has to do or be other than what feels nurturing to us. When we honor this truth, we discover the beautiful, abundant, overwhelming power of self-love, TRUE love. Every time that we jump through hoops in hopes to gain love and approval, we keep that love and approval at arms length--we are saying that love is something outside of us that we do not already possess within. We do not serve anyone, ourselves or others, by dishonoring our internal "no." Instead, we are merely giving our power away in our attempt to please.
The irony is that in all of our efforts to please, we are actually placing a lot of responsibility and burden on those that we care about. My friend found freedom and comfort in my ability to say "no" because she didn't have to worry about whether or not I was feeling uncomfortable, harboring resentments, or going to have hidden expectations--she knew that she didn't have to be anything but simply grateful. By practicing self-care on a regular basis, I gave her the space to practice her own self-care. By setting healthy boundaries in my relationships, I am tapping into the love that is at my core and my "yes" can come from an internal space of feeling full--my kindness is able to come forth simply because I have love to give. No neediness, no hidden expectations--by honoring my boundaries, I've become my own kind of high-powered love generator, with plenty to give and little need for outside maintenance. :)
In what ways might you find yourself saying, "yes" when you really mean, "no?" Whether it be your boss, your spouse, your best friend, your children, or the person you've just met, it can be so easy to find yourself slipping into this all-so-human pattern to please. What are some of the positive ways that these relationships would start to shift by simply honoring your inner truth? How would you feel about yourself if you practiced saying, "no" more often? As always, I hope that you delight in what you find.
©2010 Melissa Simonson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.
