Gratitude in Unlikely Places...

"...And so I'll thank the past, say YES! to possibility, let love be my guide, and surrender to the mystery..." ~ From my song Changing

As we shift out of the intense Scorpio energy that, for some of us, created countless opportunities to let go, to surrender what has been for what can be, I can think of no better time to have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks.  It is, of course, easy to give thanks when life is flowing with ease, and we are not forced to let go of things that we perhaps want to hold onto to. I've come to learn, however, that it is in times of loss, of stepping into great unknowns, when it is the most crucial that we seek out the reasons to give thanks.  It is only from that place of thanks that we are capable of seeing all that we gain in times of loss.

Scorpio's energy has helped us to go to the core, to get in touch with what's left when we strip away what's no longer working for us.  It is an opportunity to discover how amazing and capable that we are, and how abundant that life is, even when we are in the midst of "losing." In my case, it was letting go of ideas of who I am, particularly in my romantic relationships to other people and letting go of a lot of ways of thinking that were holding me back from deeper intimacy with myself and others.  I always find myself going through big transformations during Scorpio's stay--it's not always comfortable, and this year because Saturn was also crossing over my natal Pluto (which rules Scorpio), I was pretty much brought to my knees.  I was quite miserable for a few weeks, and I'm already reflecting back to begin discovering how important and truly positive that experience has been and will be for my life moving forward.

As Sagittarius dashes in, I find myself more able to integrate and understand the higher purpose for all of that transformation, and I am ready for the journey, the adventure, as I invite in what's next.  It is only natural for me to pause and give thanks for all that I've gained through my recent experiences of loss.  That is really what loss is about--it is an opportunity to gain so much more than we ever started out with.  Even just the experience of coming back to equilibrium after feeling the boat rocking about amidst a stormy sea makes me want to shout a little "Hallelujah!" Or a really loud one. AMEN! :)  

So, as you pause this Thursday to give thanks, I invite you to reflect on all that you've gained amidst Scorpio's stormy shifts in these past couple of months.  What do you gain in times of discomfort and scary unknowns?  What do you gain from grief, from times of unexpected loss (whether or not than loss is real or perceived)?

What better experience can you have then to come out of turbulent times to realize that you are truly blessed?

Here's a link to my song Changing off of my upcoming album Be a Light, to help us close out Scorpio and welcome in Sagittarius: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11016176

Thank you for all the ways that you are a blessing.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

The stories that shape our lives...

Today is the first snowy day that we've seen here in Madison, and skimming down my Facebook newsfeed, I can't help but laugh at the variety of reactions to Mother Nature doing her thing. They range from: "Gah! Driving will suck today!" to "Ok enough with the blizzard outside. I really dislike winter..." to "Snow...what snow? It's 70 and sunny outside, you must have been mistaken. *begin denial now*" to "So not ready for this!" to "SNOW!! (please tell me I'm not the only one excited about this...) :D" to "*gasp!* It's here! and it's beautiful!!! Yaaaaay!" So many stories and so many different experiences shaped by those chosen stories--guess which people are having a good time today and which folks are floundering a bit? 

Me? I'm sitting in one of my favorite cafes sipping a warm chai latte as the beautiful sleet falls outside the big picture window next to me. I feel cozy and grateful for this moody weather and how it connects me with my inner wisdom. I can't think of any other way that this moment could be more complete. Why would I choose to rob myself of this delicious experience by creating a different story? Why on earth would I do anything but seek to embrace this happening weather, which, by the way, happens to be way out of my control?

If you find yourself suffering through your day, the first place to check is your story. Are you resisting what is? Are you choosing to swim up a stream of negativity when all you have to do is go with the flow? Even the little, seemingly unimportant, things like how you react to the weather add up to shape our larger experience. 

One of my favorite stories that I've chosen to make the foundation of all that I do and experience is that "I'm loved by every process unfolding in my life." Over these past few weeks, I've been blogging about an intense grief process that I've been going through. Last week, I surrendered to it. I let myself get attached to certain outcomes, I got really mad at one point, then I got depressed, and then I let it go. I was able to surrender to that process because of my trust that I was being loved by that experience. I've chosen over this past month to seek the opportunity, the growth, and even the "feel good moments" amidst my grief. Today, I write from a place of deep, grateful breaths for this unfolding process. I am at peace.  Here are just a few of the glimmers that I've discovered as I've sought the ways that this grief process is loving me:

1) I am not alone, even when I think that I am. There are amazing angels in my life, both seen and unseen who have my best interest at heart.

2) I've needed more balance in my life--I was swinging into hyper-autonomous mode, which has been awesome, and I also know that I need to reach out and connect with more people right now.

3) I've discovered another layer to my relationship growth path. I've been blessed to have some really healing conversations with my former partner and to begin a new friendship with him--all of which would not have happened if events had unfolded differently. We've rediscovered lightness in our relating that had previously stopped existing amidst the suffocating circumstances of our partnership. I'm learning more deeply what it means to be independent and a good partner at the same time, and that I'm very capable at both. I'm witnessing a new layer of what it means for ME to be in a committed relationship, and I'm opening myself to what that could look like in the future.

4) My Saturn/Pluto Conjunction is teaching me about surrender in a way that I never thought possible. I've witnessed countless thoughts and beliefs that I've clung to that have caused me great pain. I'm learning to let those go, and new thoughts and ideas that serve me greatly are flooding in.

5) I've discovered how healing it is, and helpful to other people, when I share so boldly about my dark and scary moments. I've gained more confidence as I've honored my need to share. This experience has given me so many goodies through which I can even more fully serve my clients that it brings tears of joy to my eyes to think about.

The truth is that I am blessed. We all are. When we stop resisting that which is out of our control and seek the love instead, we open ourselves to receive that blessing fully. My grief has been painful and a blessing, and now I'm readying myself to be born anew when the time is right.  

In the meantime, I'm loving this weather.  How about you?

With much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

 

When "Spiritual" isn't cutting it...

"God dwells within you...as you. God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves. The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile...who is that person? It's Ingrid Bergman in "The Bells of St. Mary's" – not me. God dwells within me...as me."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Being an Astrology Coach and often referred to as a "Spiritual Life Coach," I can easily fall into a trap of feeling like I have to somehow "rise above" my humanity, that it's "my job" to seek the good in all people and situations. Much of the time, I am pretty good at that. I do get a lot of the ways to create my joy, and I live a pretty joyful existence. I can feel a lot of balance, peace and gratitude in my daily life.

But here's the deal: No matter what I do for a living, it is not my job to be spiritual. It is my job to be me...real, messy, learning, growing, struggling, striving and sometimes thriving...me. This goes for all of us, actually. What I see so often in myself and in the people I'm blessed to support is this sense like we "should" know better. We think we are "better than" our anger, or hurt, or jealousy or fear. We find ourselves taking things personally or being upset with someone and we say, "The loving thing, the spiritual thing, would be to simply do the work, question our thoughts, to release our fear, do the forgiveness thing, to be kind and loving, and let it go. Yes, this is a beautiful approach to life and relationships, and sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a break. In order to get to the forgiveness part and the loving kindness part, I have to own that this junk I'm feeling in the moment is real and it's not going anywhere until I'm real right along with it.

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with some intense grief as I go through my own death and rebirth cycle with a significant relationship in my life and ultimately, with my relationship that I have with myself. I have felt so many emotions and I've vigilantly questioned my thoughts and revealed to myself places that I've been creating an unhealthy story. I've been like a bounty hunter for limiting thoughts that are causing my suffering, blasting through them to find what's true. I find myself today still processing this grief and when thinking about blogging, I thought, "I can't STILL be writing about my grief! I should be over this by now! What's wrong with me?! I'm a Spiritual Life Coach, for goodness sake!" My ego self seems to think that being a Spiritual Life Coach makes me something other than human, me thinks. :) The truth is that whether I were in the line of work that I am or not, I would still be hard on myself in this way.  Should's and ought's and woulda-coulda's seem to find a way of creeping in no matter who we are and what we do.

Today I'm doing more to make peace with my grief. I've put away my AK-47, seeing as how it's been exhausting being a spiritual vigilante on this mission to liberate my mind. Yes, I have all kinds of tools, and I've learned a lot as I've pulled them out in an effort to nurture myself. Now, I'm making peace with thoughts of anger and jealousy. I'm making peace with the part of me that has been resisting this whole process and telling me how I should be feeling and acting. I could argue with reality or I could just be real. There have been times that I don't feel like seeing the good in this situation or in certain people. There have been times when I've been a blubbering, snotty mess. I've placed love outside of myself. I've held my breath hoping that certain outcomes that are out of my control would magically be IN my control. I've been afraid. I've struggled to see the big picture. I've felt completely out of balance. I've felt completely UN-spiritual.  And guess what? It is in that space that the growth-work is happening. 

I've been thinking a lot about one of my favorite books and favorite films lately, Eat, Pray, Love. Liz Gilbert's journey through Italy, India, and Spain, completely capture my life's work to nurture my relationship with myself and help others do the same. I've been single since January and LOVING my growth and loving how balanced and happy that I've felt. Then the grief came and I found myself questioning if everything that I've learned has been for nothing, if that sense of balance was an illusion. There is a particular quotation from the movie that comes to mind to me right now. Liz is so upset with herself because she has fallen in love and gotten completely out of balance with herself. She goes to her teacher, Ketut Liyer, and expresses to him her fear that she is losing herself in love, and this is what he says to her: "To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." I would go so far as to say that to lose balance for any aspect of life is part of living a balanced life. So here I am, feeling out of balance and completely un-spiritual--and I'm actually right where I need to be, in balance with all that is.

By surrendering my need to stop myself from trying to control outcomes--even as I've seen myself creating suffering for myself--I lean into the greater balance. I've created much more suffering for myself in times of trying to be spiritual instead of just letting all the nitty, gritty, catty parts of me show their head. Make no mistake, I am still doing my best to curb the destructive nature of these emotions--I'm not burning buildings or destroying lives, no hate mail has been sent. I'm also not beating myself up so much when I think or feel things that my spiritual self would otherwise deem as "base." Grief sucks, fear sucks, and here I am. I love myself more because I know how hard I work at being good. I love myself because I am human.  

It feels good to simply breathe that in.

With Great Thanks,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson