Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about the challenges, rewards, the what's and the how's of trusting in Life's mysterious unfoldings as we co-create our lives. If you didn't catch that one you can take a look here. This week, I want to address another aspect of trust: trust within our relationships.

I hear it all of the time. I've uttered these words. You've uttered these words. "I don't know if I can TRUST him/her." "I'm looking for someone I can TRUST." "You broke my TRUST." One of the biggest misconceptions in our relationships with other people and ultimately, in our relationship with ourselves, is the notion that we can place trust in other people, and that it's reasonable to expect that you will "never let me down."

When I find myself saying "I don't trust you," what I'm really reflecting is a lack of trust for myself and in our beautiful. loving Universe. You, oh dear beautiful soul whose thoughts and actions are way out of my control (thank goodness), can just go on being you and doing your thing because well, it's your job to be you and do your thing. If you're human, like me, you have probably hurt or disappointed people before despite your amazingly good intentions, and you've probably been hurt and disappointed in return. And that is just it: when we enter relationships with the expectation that we will never do anything to hurt or disappoint one another we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. As long as I enter my relationships from a place of expectation that you will do and be who I want and "need" you to be, I'm setting myself up for a very interesting and not always fun ride.

So, if I can't trust you, and you can't trust me, then who the heck can we trust?! Before we go growling at each other and letting our hair stand up on end, I have exciting news: My job is to trust me, and your job is to trust you. What does that mean? It means that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, if you stay or if you go, I know that I can handle it. If I fear abandonment, then I know that what I really want, deep down, is that I never leave myself, that I listen to and act in accordance with my inner voice, that I choose to be honest with both you and me, and that I make all kinds of yummy time to love and be kind to myself.  My soul longs for me to know that the Universe is a kind and loving place that is always providing me with exactly what I need--even when it appears that you are not.

When we enter our relationships from this place of trust, knowing that we are loved by every process unfolding and that we can meet ourselves from a place of love, respect, presence and care, we release each other from the burden of being anything other that who we already are. That's when the love flows in and we discover more juicy goodness than we ever could have imagined with our measly, expecting minds. We discover and create the freedom that comes with true acceptance. So much better than crazy attempts at mind-control, no?

Your assignment: I invite you to notice the ways in which you can feel fear and mistrust in your relationships. Now, I invite you to turn it around and take a gentle look at yourself. In what ways are you being someone you can't trust? In what ways do you "leave" or hurt yourself sometimes? What are some ways that you can strengthen your sense of trust in yourself? 

Nurturing self-love is my dealio, so if you would like some support and need some objective help in seeing those places that you're not loving and trusting so much in yourself (we all need this help sometimes), I would LOVE to create a safe space for us to discover and create together. Contact me at anytime to schedule a free consult. AND if you read this and find that you have a specific question for me--go ahead and submit your question to my Ask the JoyDiva™ blog. You get to be anonymous to readers AND partner with me in sharing goodness.

Much love to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word

Trusting, having faith--let's face it: our lives would be filled with peace and ease if we could have perfect faith, if we could completely trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good of all concerned at every moment. But faith cannot exist without doubt, trust without mistrust. This is part of the beauty of our human existence--it is this balance of opposites, and in holding the tension that they create, that we discover the goop that makes life abundantly rich and rewarding. But how do we strike this balance when it seems that fear and mistrust can so easily dominate the picture?

I've found myself going through an important growth spurt lately, discovering myself ready to start embracing my career as an inspirational songstress more fully and ready to re-enter the world of romantic partnership. With these unfolding discoveries comes a range of emotions--there is excitement and a sense of magic around the possibilities that lie around the bend, a sense of grounded determination for the work that I must do to birth the next chapter of my life, and then there is the fear and overwhelm and the thoughts of "when?" and "how?" that keep trying to come in and crash the party. 

Through the past 5.5 years of coaching clients and growing leaps and bounds myself, I've discovered that fear, anxiety and overwhelm are great indicators that we've gotten way too far ahead of ourselves and are swimming in the murky depths of our unknown future. When the scales tip and I'm suddenly drowning in a sense of overwhelm and feeling paralyzed to take action in the direction of my dreams, the best thing that I can do is bring my attention back to the baby steps that lie right in front of me. How can we trust that our actions will lead us to something good? Taking action on things that make us come alive IS the trust itself, and that trust only grows the more that we take action on those things that inspire us.

Ok, so you've taken inspired action and nothing is happening...yet. What the heck are you supposed to do in the meantime? How do you know that you are doing ENOUGH? I will tell you that the answer definitely does not exist in doing more stuff. If you've followed inspiration and planted seeds, now is the time to put your attention elsewhere while looking forward to the opportunities that will pop up when you least expect them to. (That's the part that makes life so dang magical!) If you haven't noticed already, you can't force a flower to grow, and the same goes for creating our lives. The other way that we actively practice trust is through taking a rest when our heart needs a rest.

Lately, I've been letting myself take more breaks and giving myself all kinds of room to be inspired. When I'm inspired, then I take all kinds of action and work my booty off. When I'm not inspired, I read good novels, I play, I take naps. When I tune into my own rhythms, I tune into the flow of the Universe, and trust just isn't so much of an issue. Right now, there are a lot of unknowns. I'm releasing some beliefs that have been limiting me and that feels really vulnerable...and also more freeing. I'm tuning in regularly and following that sense of freedom, and I know in my heart that God loves my joy and freedom just as much as I do...and my trust in that awareness grows every day that I learn to honor the ebb and flow of inspiration.

Do you have some big dreams that are really exciting and really scary? Feel free to contact me and we'll talk about it--we'll have you taking baby steps in no time. :) You can also ask me your juicy questions at my Q&A blog: http://askthejoydiva.com. I love answering your questions!

Much love & happy dreaming. :)

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson