"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out.  I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered.  But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/  We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day.  His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush.  I get it.  Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter.  Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer.  Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know.  I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day.  Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.  

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :) 

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO.  Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Making Dreams Actually Happen...

This week, I celebrate the completion and sharing of my very first album, "Be a Light." I have tears in my eyes as I write this because this is perhaps the first moment that I've been able to pause and actually breathe this reality in. This week, on Thursday to be exact, I am officially celebrating the fulfillment of what is likely the biggest dream of my life so far. It is emotional for me--I've been so busy behind the scenes, pulling all of the strings, putting one foot in front of the other in order to make this happen. Now that I have a moment to pause from all of my "doingness," it's beginning to sink in what big deal that this is. It feels good, and vulnerable, and a little scary--like I'm looking over a precipice, preparing to leap into the next chapter of my amazing life.

One thing that has become clear to me through the years is that it is often the soul path stuff, the choices that align most fully with our soul purpose, that scare us the most.  We place the most mental obstacles before those big dreams, in part because the journey toward achieving those dreams is meant to transform us just as much as the lives we touch along the way, and change is a little bit exciting and a whole lot of scary for a lot of us. Are there ideas that you have that seem like they would be AWESOME and also have a lot of "I can'ts" or "It's not really possible because...." thoughts attached to them? Chances are pretty good that walking those paths is exactly where your deep fulfillment lies--even amidst all of the scary unknowns and fears of utter failure.

I've been singing since before I could form complete sentences. I have tapes of myself beginning around 7 years old singing my favorite childhood songs, and I can remember the hours I would spend recording myself and playing it back and re-recording until it sounded exactly the way I wanted it to. By the age of 10, I had the lead in our school musical and I remember being so nervous that I refused to shower before the performance (yes, I totally went through the, "I don't like to shower" phase as a child). I had so many beliefs that it was OTHER people who get the good parts that I was unconsciously practicing a little self-sabotage when I finally had my moment.  I still don't like watching the video of that performance...:)  

As the years went on, my love of singing and performing only grew, but it still didn't feel easy on the inside.  By the time I was in high school, I was getting some of the good parts and the solos and I started trusting in my voice and my ability.  Then of course, I was singled out by my classmates, people made up stories about how much better than everyone else that I thought I was, and there were times when I just wanted to hide from it all--and there were many days when I did.  This voice of mine has been both a profound blessing and a curse--as all true gifts are.  This really has not been a lifetime for me to hide anymore--despite the voice screaming in my head to blend in, blending in is not what my life purpose is about.

Following high school, I took a step back from music.  Despite my choir director's urging, I chose not to major in music because I didn't feel I was good enough or that it was practical enough (sigh...sound familiar?). I majored in psychology instead, which I am incredibly grateful for, and don't regret for a moment.  My heart knew that classical vocal training wasn't the path for me, and instead I began cultivating my other life passion--supporting and empowering others.  I knew that music could always be a part of my life, and I'm glad that I chose the way that I did.  I LOVE my astrology coaching practice and I get to see my clients grow in confidence and love for themselves everyday--it is beyond excellent to experience.

Following college, I got back into music through some local musical theater opportunities.  Despite my previous successes, I entered those auditions with intense self-doubt and feeling that I wouldn't actually get the parts that I wanted.  At every new level, these feelings of self-doubt have traveled with me, and the funny thing is that I often DID get the part. Then when I'd get the big role that I wanted, I would be so nervous that I was going to be a complete failure...ahhhh...the way that I torture myself. :)

In the Fall of 2006 I started my coaching practice and taking guitar lessons.  The coaching practice unfolded with a bit more ease than the guitar lessons, and often my guitar would just sit there as I thought about how terrible that I was and how I was never going to learn how to play the darn thing.  I slowly started writing songs in 2007 but carried that same self-doubt with me--and this time, it was really intense, because being a singer-songwriter and a recording artist seemed like the ultimate dream to me my whole life.

It was not until May of 2008 when I was coaching a client and asked the question, "If you could attempt one thing knowing that you could not fail, what would it be?" that it really dawned on me that I needed to give myself a kick in the behind and start pursuing my music.  The last thing that I wanted was to be the inauthentic coach helping others achieve their dreams while quietly loathing myself for not pursuing mine.  Slowly, but surely, I started picking up my guitar again, and I started writing songs.  A year later, I started playing out, here and there, but playing guitar in front of people was the most nerve-wracking thing for me--it still is, but it gets easier every time I do it.  Think: walking naked on a tight rope in front of a large group of people, and you can get an idea of how nervous I can get.  In 2010, I was approached to give my first 2-hour show.  Aaaaaahhhh!  Thanks to my motto at that time..."Say 'yes' now, and freak out later," I said yes, and before I had the chance to freak out, I reached out to the man who is now my musical partner, Joe Harris.  Joe is an amazing guitar player. A. MAZ. ING. I'm thankful everyday that I get to partner with someone as talented as he is, and he actually LIKES playing with me.  Go figure. :)

Then the big question came: People want me to record an album.  I want me to record an album.  How the hell am I going to do that?!  In December of 2010, a dear friend of mine said something to me that set me in motion up to this very moment that I write.  He said, "You talk about recording an album and re-branding your business, but you never actually say, I'm going to do these things by such and such a date." When I stopped to think about it, I realized that I was terrified to commit because I had NO idea how I was going to get the money...the funny part is, that wasn't even really true.  When I took the time to think about it, to face the fear, I knew exactly how I could get the money: a friend had already told me about crowd-funding sites like Kickstarter and IndieGoGo.  So really, creating "Be a Light" came down to making the decision to just make it happen.  The next day I emailed recording studios, and the moment that I stepped into Paradyme Productions and met Jake Johnson, my heart sang.  I knew that he was the person I wanted to produce my album.  He gave me a cost estimate and I set the fundraising wheels in motion.

In May, I successfully raised $5000 and began recording in June.  I then managed, with a fair amount of ease, to fund the rest of the project myself, and six months later I am here, waiting for the phone call to go and pick up my CD's.  I still get nervous about performing.  I have loads of self-doubt about the future, and I'm also excited.  I'm smart enough now to know that I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this soul path of mine, and I know that there will be blessings around every turn.  My life could end tomorrow, and I could say that I have lived my life fully moment to moment, that I have lived authentically and with purpose--let's hope it doesn't actually end tomorrow, however, because I've got a lot more to do, a lot more to share, and a lot more to celebrate with all of you. :)

Do you find yourself, overwhelmed with that negative voice in your head that tries to keep you from shining YOUR light fully in the world? Click here to listen to my song, "Mr. Shame." I wrote it for you. :)  You can also now pre-order your very own copy of "Be a Light" with FREE shipping until 12/8 here.

If you ever want support in facing your fears and creating a life that is deeply rewarding for you and those around you, do not hesitate to contact me and set-up a free intro. session to explore all of the ways that we can work together to make that happen for you!
 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  Life is just so richly good.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson