"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out.  I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered.  But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/  We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day.  His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush.  I get it.  Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter.  Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer.  Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know.  I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day.  Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.  

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :) 

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO.  Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson