This Year I Resolve to be Kind to Myself *

A few days ago I misplaced my car keys for what felt like the millionth time.  Of course, it was only an hour before I had to lead an after school girl’s group at a local middle school; and of course, I realized that my car keys were sitting in the front seat of someone else’s car on the other side of town.  It was nothing short of a hair-pulling, expletive-screaming, time-to-pause-and-take-deep-breaths kind of experience.  Needless to say, I was more than a little bit frustrated with myself in that moment.

As we embark on yet another new year, I could resolve to end these car-key catastrophes once and for all—getting one, or perhaps 5, spare sets would probably solve the problem.  I could resolve to be more organized, thus avoiding these hectic moments, but let’s face it people.  I was the kid who not only needed her mittens sewn to the sleeves of her winter jacket, I was also the kid who needed an organizer on her desk in the fifth grade to ensure that she took the correct folders home from school.  If it’s not my keys, or my mittens, or my homework eluding me, then it’s probably going to be something else.  That’s just…me.  This year, instead of steeping myself in piles of well-wishes and adding to a list of good intentions that make my stomach churn, I simply resolve to be kind to myself.

In all of our good intentions it can become so easy to lose the most important ingredient in living a joyful life: the truth of who we are--the fact that we are loveable no matter what the bathroom scale says, or how much money is in our bank account, or how good we are at keeping track of our car keys.  As human beings, we attach ourselves to an illusion of perfection, the belief that we are somehow not enough as we are.  One day, we look into the mirror, and all that we can see are the ways in which we don’t measure up. 

The exciting news is that we have a choice.  We do not have to buy into that illusion.  We do not have to resolve to be somehow better than we are, to be more than we are, and it is entirely possible to love ourselves—as challenging as that may seem, at first.

One of the most powerful tools that we have in creating joy is our ability to acknowledge ourselves, to draw our attention to the good in who we are and what we do.  My primary role as a life coach is to direct my clients toward rediscovering the magnificence that shines through them every day.  The truth is YOU are magnificent. We all are.  We each have a unique gift to offer the world, and believe it or not, we each offer that gift every day that we rise.  I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every single day?”

The more that you focus on all that is magnificent within you, the more you will see those parts of yourself thriving, and many of the parts that frustrate you will begin to fall away.  Just like we did when we were children, we thrive when we feel loved and accepted.  If you so desperately want to be good, to be a success, I suggest that you start seeking the good within yourself, right now.  You will be amazed at what you find.

One thing that I know for certain is that the part of me that causes me to misplace my car keys is also the part of me that allows me to be creative and quirky and spontaneously joyful.  I am constantly exploring and theorizing.  I am a woman of high ideals and bright ideas.  Organizing stuff might not be my forte, but being present and compassionate with people is.  If I hadn’t experienced my missing car-key fiasco the other day, I wouldn’t have had a laughter-producing story to share with the girls that I teach. 

And so, this year, before you resolve to climb a hill of high expectations, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every day?” Get creative—see how long that you can make that list; and if you forget to ask yourself that question, be kind to yourself anyway.  After all, you are magnificent…just as you are.

*Originally Published in the January 2010 edition of Wisconsin Woman Magazine.

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. To learn more, visit: www.igniteyourvoice.com

The Most Important Act

"As the bus slowed down at the crowded bus stop, the Pakistani bus conductor leaned from the platform and called out, "Six only!"  The bus stopped.  He counted on six passengers, rang the bell, and then, as the bus moved off, called to those left behind:  "So sorry, plenty of room in my heart - but the bus is full."  He left behind a row of smiling faces.  It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it."  ~The Friendship Book of Francis Gay, 1977

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion."  ~Dalai Lama

 

Being a pretty thoughtful person by nature, I've become hyper-aware lately of the ways in which I can all too easily go on auto-pilot and even be the one yelling at the person in the car in front of me that is taking his precious time making a left turn when I'm trying desperately to get somewhere that is "more important" than being right where I am in that moment...if I tape myself, I would probably both cringe and laugh at how ridiculous and "important" I sound in those moments.  But as I wrote in a song [Be Here Now] recently, "The moment before me is all that I need, the fear and the sadness my guide.  The more that I open to all that I see, the more I feel it all dissolve into love."  Part of being open to all that I see means being present for those who stand before me.  It means asking "How are you?" and actually pausing to listen for the answer.  It means recognizing that I'm...ahem...not the only person on the road who is trying to get somewhere.  It might seem like it takes energy to pay attention, but the cost of NOT paying attention proves much more detrimental in the long-run--to our mental, physical, spiritual, emotional well-being, not to mention the well-being of those around us.

 

As far as I'm concerned, the most important acts in life are those of kindness.  Being on time is cool, but not when it means being rude in order to get there (note to self...:)...).  Being right and passionately expressing in that righteousness has its place, but most of the time we can fall into a trap of being "right" rather than being kind.  Justice is not truly just without compassion and Truth bears no meaning without love.  Social justice just doesn't even seem very "social" when anger and argumentativeness take precedent in our relations with one another.  I understand getting things done--BP is not going to stop oil from spewing into the ocean by standing around hugging and smiling at each other, but they aren't going to get things done in argument with one another either.  Just think of how just our world would be if we all practiced regular acts of kindness--as in getting out of the way and REALLY listening to one another.

 

Yet, no matter how kind we feel ourselves to be at our core, it becomes all too easy to forget this one, basic truth--to get caught up in our heads, to feel that it is more important to get where we are going than to BE with the person in front of us, to feel that it is just too hard to reach out when life is pouring down on us.  But what truly matters most, what changes lives, what transforms our world, is our small actions, our ability to be kind to the person who stands before us.  

 

If you are questioning your purpose here on this planet...start with tiny acts of kindness, and you will soon discover that your question has been answered--it's easy to think that we have to do something BIG, but how we conduct ourselves and the people we touch when we're on the way to pursuing this big purpose, are really what matter.  If you are overwhelmed with life, if you are terrified of failure, if you have NO IDEA how to climb out of the hole that you find yourself in, be kind to the person in front of you and you will find your power.  Reach beyond your grief, do the vulnerable thing--smile, say hello, stop, listen, validate, seek out all that you share with the person beside you.  What will you find in Kindness' wake?  Joy.  What will you leave in Kindness' wake?  More Joy.  Blossoming lives.  Abounding goodness.

Let's try it, shall  we? :)

 

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. To Learn more visit: www.igniteyourvoice.com