Taking Space in Our Relationships

I love the healing and growth that can come out of taking space from people sometimes...even when that space needs to last for years...and the cool discoveries that can happen when we reconnect. A wise woman I know once said to me, "You can love anyone from a certain distance, and you just need to figure out what that distance is." Sometimes taking space is the most powerful way that we can love one another.

Are there people in your life that you are afraid to let go of who are not fully serving you right now?  Has someone needed to create space and you're feeling all of your fears of rejection and abandonment coming up?  I invite you to dive into those feelings--what are those fears trying to tell you that you need to give to yourself? What nurturing activities can you do on your own to bring you into your groundedness? And finally, what are the gifts that could come out of letting go and taking space...for both you and the other person?

 With Much Love,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,  

and Singer-songwriter

www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Receving As a Spiritual Act

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

This past Saturday, I embarked on what is in many ways the most vulnerable journey that I've ever taken, and it has caused me to think a lot about my own beliefs and what I perceive to be our collective beliefs regarding both giving and receiving. 

As a Life Coach, I spend a lot of time mentoring my clients in how to receive.  Let's face it: giving feels good.  It brings us joy.  We get to feel the warm fuzzies of making someone else's day better.  It gives us a sense of validation and worth.  When looking for quotations on this topic I found loads and loads of statements along the lines of, "He who gives is the golden child and deserves all of our love and adoration."  But what about receiving?  To open ourselves to communicate our needs, to allow ourselves to breathe in goodness, to fully own a compliment, to set boundaries for ourselves, to indulge in something that feels nurturing--these things all feel pretty darn scary to ask for, vulnerable, self-centered, you name it, and it certainly was challenging to find quotations that PRAISE receiving, barring our friend Nietzsche the Nihilist, quoted above.  Isn't it the humble thing to shirk off a compliment, to decline help when it is offered?  And God forbid one should be allowed to actually ASK for what one needs!  Yikes!

Yes, it is true that when giving talks about cultivating joy in our lives, I invite people to approach their lives from a place of service, but I ALSO, invite people to take time to acknowledge themselves, to set healthy boundaries, to RECEIVE, to honor the truth of who they are.  The truth is that giving and receiving are not separate actions at all--they are a part of the larger ebb and flow of existence.  We cannot have one without the other, and we cannot have JOY without embracing both equally in our lives.  We cannot breathe out without breathing in, and vice versa.

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

I love this quotation because it points to both giving and receiving as necessary acts--we need to give just as much as we need to receive, and when we don't allow ourselves to fully receive, we rob the giver of this need.  Here is a recent story from a friend of mine that powerfully illustrates this:

"My younger son gave us some of his money yesterday and I took it and my husband refused. Then I got [my husband] to see that he should also gratefully take it. Then my son tried to give his older brother 5 bucks when he came home and the older one would NOT accept. And it made the younger one CRY. It was so sad. Yes, in failing to receive we fail the joy of the giver as well."

In receiving we give, and in giving, we receive--this little boy understands this, perfectly.

Yes, this past Saturday I embarked on one the most vulnerable journeys of my life thus far--I started an online fundraising campaign for my debut CD, "Be a Light."  In the days since, I have felt isolation, shame, guilt, and my self-talk has been a fascinating array of judgments that reflect all of these feelings.  I have boldly and courageously thrust myself into the role of receiver, and in this culture that praises givers, it has been a lonely place to live.  And yet, I am growing, learning and simultaneously feeling more and more worthy to ask for what I need everyday.  I realize now that fundraising has become a spiritual act for me--an opportunity to dive into these feelings and recognize that I am part of this larger ebb and flow, and that I am worth communicating my needs fully.  I give of myself everyday as a giver, nurturer, and supporter of dreams.  Now, it is my turn to open up and be a receptacle--to breathe in so that I can breathe out my musical goodness more fully into the world.  As scary as this all is, I am proud of myself for boldly asking for support, and I hope that in my vulnerability, I might inspire others to do the same.

Click here to watch an amazing video and learn more about my fundraising journey:http://www.indiegogo.com/BeALightCD

With Much Love and Gratitude,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Upcoming Retreat: Envision Your Life, 2011 and Beyond!

Hello Lovelies!

On Saturday, March 5th, 2011 from 9am to 4pm (only a little over two months away!) 12 women and I will embark on a journey of discovering infinite possibilities for our lives. Through Journaling around powerful inquiries, engaging our bodies in gentle movement led by certified Yoga instructor, Laura Godfrey (click here to learn more about Laura), expressing ourselves through creative projects, and sharing our hopes and fears with one another, we will explore our dreams, discover and work toward releasing the limiting beliefs that hold us back, and create practical steps toward making our visions for our lives a passionate reality.

If you think that sounds like a wonderful experience, it gets even better! Not only will we be embarking on a life-changing journey with other amazing women, we will be doing so amidst the beautiful natural landscape and centering facilities of the Platinum LEED Certified Holy Wisdom Monastery, a retreat center located just on the edge of Middleton, WI. To learn more about this AMAZING space and their offerings, visit, http://www.benedictinewomen.org/. This building is as environmentally sustainable as it gets and incredibly beautiful! I can’t wait for us to grow in it together!

This retreat is a wonderful alternative (and antidote!) to overwhelming New Year's resolutions and perfect for all of you women who want to start off this next year...and the rest of your lives, more in alignment with who you REALLY are...your fabulous, passionate, joyful selves. Yippee! I can't wait! And GUESS WHAT?! It gets EVEN better!

I am offering an EARLY BIRD SPECIAL from now until February 2nd, 2011. That’s right. From now until February 2nd, I am making this retreat available for just $99—that includes:

- a delicious, all natural lunch provided by the staff at Holy Wisdom Monastery
- all retreat materials
- time to reflect on and explore your inner most dreams
- time to connect with beautiful, natural surroundings
- discovering the core limiting beliefs and behaviors that keep you from your dreams
- tools to release your limiting beliefs and positive steps toward creating your joyful vision right away
- have the opportunity to experience my loving, acknowledgment-based coaching in action.
- connection with other fabulous women (!)
- the ability to express yourself in a safe, and accepting environment
- an opportunity to connect with your body and explore it's innate wisdom
- an opportunity to connect with your creative power
- re-igniting or igniting for the first time your passion and inspiration
- and the opportunity to create positive,  lasting, joyful results for the rest of your life.

Contact me TODAY to register for Envision Your Life!
After February 2nd the cost goes up to $129, so you better ACT NOW as I am only accepting 12 women in order to allow plenty of time and intimate connection for all who attend. Don’t miss your chance to experience this amazingly fun and nurturing event and all of the positive growth that will follow!

Much Love and I can't WAIT to see you in March!

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

This Year I Resolve to be Kind to Myself *

A few days ago I misplaced my car keys for what felt like the millionth time.  Of course, it was only an hour before I had to lead an after school girl’s group at a local middle school; and of course, I realized that my car keys were sitting in the front seat of someone else’s car on the other side of town.  It was nothing short of a hair-pulling, expletive-screaming, time-to-pause-and-take-deep-breaths kind of experience.  Needless to say, I was more than a little bit frustrated with myself in that moment.

As we embark on yet another new year, I could resolve to end these car-key catastrophes once and for all—getting one, or perhaps 5, spare sets would probably solve the problem.  I could resolve to be more organized, thus avoiding these hectic moments, but let’s face it people.  I was the kid who not only needed her mittens sewn to the sleeves of her winter jacket, I was also the kid who needed an organizer on her desk in the fifth grade to ensure that she took the correct folders home from school.  If it’s not my keys, or my mittens, or my homework eluding me, then it’s probably going to be something else.  That’s just…me.  This year, instead of steeping myself in piles of well-wishes and adding to a list of good intentions that make my stomach churn, I simply resolve to be kind to myself.

In all of our good intentions it can become so easy to lose the most important ingredient in living a joyful life: the truth of who we are--the fact that we are loveable no matter what the bathroom scale says, or how much money is in our bank account, or how good we are at keeping track of our car keys.  As human beings, we attach ourselves to an illusion of perfection, the belief that we are somehow not enough as we are.  One day, we look into the mirror, and all that we can see are the ways in which we don’t measure up. 

The exciting news is that we have a choice.  We do not have to buy into that illusion.  We do not have to resolve to be somehow better than we are, to be more than we are, and it is entirely possible to love ourselves—as challenging as that may seem, at first.

One of the most powerful tools that we have in creating joy is our ability to acknowledge ourselves, to draw our attention to the good in who we are and what we do.  My primary role as a life coach is to direct my clients toward rediscovering the magnificence that shines through them every day.  The truth is YOU are magnificent. We all are.  We each have a unique gift to offer the world, and believe it or not, we each offer that gift every day that we rise.  I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every single day?”

The more that you focus on all that is magnificent within you, the more you will see those parts of yourself thriving, and many of the parts that frustrate you will begin to fall away.  Just like we did when we were children, we thrive when we feel loved and accepted.  If you so desperately want to be good, to be a success, I suggest that you start seeking the good within yourself, right now.  You will be amazed at what you find.

One thing that I know for certain is that the part of me that causes me to misplace my car keys is also the part of me that allows me to be creative and quirky and spontaneously joyful.  I am constantly exploring and theorizing.  I am a woman of high ideals and bright ideas.  Organizing stuff might not be my forte, but being present and compassionate with people is.  If I hadn’t experienced my missing car-key fiasco the other day, I wouldn’t have had a laughter-producing story to share with the girls that I teach. 

And so, this year, before you resolve to climb a hill of high expectations, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “In what ways do I give a gift every day?” Get creative—see how long that you can make that list; and if you forget to ask yourself that question, be kind to yourself anyway.  After all, you are magnificent…just as you are.

*Originally Published in the January 2010 edition of Wisconsin Woman Magazine.

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. To learn more, visit: www.igniteyourvoice.com

Say "YES!" to saying "NO!" :)

 

"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough." ~ Josh Billings

I found myself honored recently when a friend told me that she felt comfortable asking me for help because she trusted that I would say "no" if I didn't want to or was unable help.  This simple statement meant a lot to me and illustrates a powerful truth: When we honor ourselves and others with boundaries, we create ease, freedom, and comfort in our relationships.  My friend knew that she could trust me to be honest, that by asking me for help, I would not make myself uncomfortable in order to please her.  She felt free knowing that I am able to take responsibility for my own self-care, and she also felt really grateful upon receiving my "yes," knowing that it was heartfelt and sincere.

Every time that we say "yes" when we really mean "no," we are undermining our inherent worth.  We are saying, "I am not worthy of honoring what I want and what feels good to me.  If I want your love, I need to do something or be something that I am not."  Oh, silly Ego--always trying to tell us that we're not enough.  The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH!  The truth is, there is nothing that any of us ever has to do or be other than what feels nurturing to us.  When we honor this truth, we discover the beautiful, abundant, overwhelming power of self-love, TRUE love.  Every time that we jump through hoops in hopes to gain love and approval, we keep that love and approval at arms length--we are saying that love is something outside of us that we do not already possess within.  We do not serve anyone, ourselves or others, by dishonoring our internal "no."  Instead, we are merely giving our power away in our attempt to please.


The irony is that in all of our efforts to please, we are actually placing a lot of responsibility and burden on those that we care about.  My friend found freedom and comfort in my ability to say "no" because she didn't have to worry about whether or not I was feeling uncomfortable, harboring resentments, or going to have hidden expectations--she knew that she didn't have to be anything but simply grateful.  By practicing self-care on a regular basis, I gave her the space to practice her own self-care.  By setting healthy boundaries in my relationships, I am tapping into the love that is at my core and my "yes" can come from an internal space of feeling full--my kindness is able to come forth simply because I have love to give.  No neediness, no hidden expectations--by honoring my boundaries, I've become my own kind of high-powered love generator, with plenty to give and little need for outside maintenance. :)  


In what ways might you find yourself saying, "yes" when you really mean, "no?"  Whether it be your boss, your spouse, your best friend, your children, or the person you've just met, it can be so easy to find yourself slipping into this all-so-human pattern to please.  What are some of the positive ways that these relationships would start to shift by simply honoring your inner truth?  How would you feel about yourself if you practiced saying, "no" more often?  As always, I hope that you delight in what you find. 


©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

Feeling Abundant Amidst the Struggle

Toward the end of the week, I am scheduled to give a talk entitled "Joy is an Inside Job" at a local professional woman's networking group.  This is all fine and good, but if you were to check in with the loved one who stayed up late with me on the phone last night (Thank you!)...he could clue you in on my overwhelm, and the pain I've experienced in some crucial aspects of my life recently.  Someone once asked me what I would do if I was scheduled to give a talk on joy when I'm not feeling particularly joyful in my own life...last night, my answer would have been: Ugggggghhhhh.

It is the heart of winter in Madison, WI, single digit temperatures and not a lot of daylight.  With the dawning of 2010, I've found myself more exhausted than energized, feeling like I'd rather crawl under a rock than set a dynamic vision for the year to come.  This is actually not unusual for me at this time of year...all of the expectations around the New Year feed this insatiable voice inside of my head that's soul survival depends on my willingness to believe that I will be a failure, no matter how hard I try.  Overwhelming moments like this in my life are clear indicators that it is time to ignite MY voice again.  Somewhere along the way, I've begun to tune her out, and today, it was time to listen.

I decided to bundle myself up and go for a long walk in the Aldo Leopold Nature Center near my home.  I spent an hour there, listening to the snow crunching beneath my feet, looking at the tracks, and standing still while listening to the immense silence that winter emanates.  It was then, that I heard my voice, my consciousness underneath all of the chatter, and as tears welled up in my eyes here is what came to me:

I've come to notice that when I'm feeling intense sadness, fear, joy or gratitude I always cry--whether I'm feeling despair or immense joy, my body seems to respond in very much the same way. It is an outpouring of emotion, an overflow, an abundance of feeling. When I've thought about abundance, it is easy to think that some experiences constitute abundance and others do not, that we are only abundant when we are feeling joyful and not when we are feeling sad. But the truth is LIFE is abundant, every last moment of it. My overwhelming pain can be an example of this just as well as my joy is an example. My tears are a reminder of this. Even when I think that I have nothing left to give, my tears remind me of the abundance that flows up from the core of my being. When I remember that I AM abundant at all times, then even in my emptiest moments I can recognize glimpses of joy through my tears of pain.

As much joy as I can get from speaking about it and assisting others in discovering their joy, I have to remember sometimes that I've come to this life philosophy because I've allowed myself to feel ALL of life.  So what am I going to share in my talk at the end of the week?  I'm going to tell them the truth:  That early in the week I felt overwhelmed by life, and in my overwhelm, I dug in to find something beautiful.  I am going to share how I found joy, and tapped into abundance when it was the last thing that I was feeling.  Life is constantly showing me that darkness and light exist simultaneously.  Today, amidst the stark cold of winter, I found my own light by delving into the darkness.

©2010 Melissa Simonson 

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

Breathing In Life

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am." ~Sylvia Plath

When I look back upon this last year, it's been a year of taking a step back, clarifying my vision and gaining confidence in new directions. It has been one of the most challenging years that I can recall, one of not always feeling fully at home in my own skin, a lot of unknowns, and many moments of self-doubt. I branched out as a speaker and singer/songwriter while at the same time experiencing my Spiritual Coaching and Astrology practice at somewhat of a standstill. The shift in our economy was a painful experience for me but in many ways, exactly what I needed. I needed a break. I needed to recharge. It was time for a long, deep, breath.

In looking at many of life's processes, I can't help but notice that there is an in-breath and an out-breath to all of existence. I'm reminded of the famous Biblical passage from Ecclesiastes that was popularized in 1965 by The Byrds--this theme shows up in religious traditions throughout time: "There is a time to rend and a time to sew;...a time to keep silent and a time to speak;... a time to mourn and a time to dance." We breathe in; we breathe out. When it comes to creating our lives, this process is no different--yet, so many of us, myself included, can find it so much easier to run around doing, doing, doing and we don't make time for a deep in-breath, both literally and figuratively. After a long period of exhaling into my life, it was time to stop, pause, and fill myself up again; and if I really assess the challenges presented to me in this past year, I can't help but notice that it was my own resistance to all that is that brought so much unease into my experience. It is a much more vulnerable experience to breath-in, to sit still and receive, than it is to be in the confident space of breathing into the world. In many ways, I felt lost, alone and wanting to be anywhere but here. Sound familiar?

It is easy to forget that we co-create our lives with God/Universe/Spirit/Source. When it comes to manifesting all of the goodness that we can muster into our lives, we can so easily try to force things, to think that if we are not doing something at all times to bring that vision into reality that it won't happen, that our dreams won't come true. I was forced to take a long hard look at this behavior in this past year. I see it in myself and in my clients all of the time. It can feel TERRIFYING to sit back and wait for inspiration, to trust that if we don't have the answer NOW that it will come later. Yet, I've learned that if I don't honor the need for stillness, or to take a nap, or to read Harry Potter, or play when I feel like I "should be doing something important", I rob myself of the support that I need. I keep myself from "hearing" the answers, from knowing what is truly right for me, and in those moments, I'm not trusting that there is a time, and a purpose for everything that is unfolding. I'm not giving myself the nutrients that a nice, long inhale provides.

In co-creating our lives we must take time to breathe in--to envision what it is that we want to create, to feel all of the passion and excitement around that vision, and then to remain open for inspiration to help us move toward that vision. It is THEN, that we are able to breathe out goodness into the world, acting on that inspiration, doing all that we can with what we know and have in front of us to move that vision into reality. We then continue the cycle by breathing in again until inspiration strikes us once more.

So, after a long year of resisting this process and being terrified of doing "nothing" and at times, working REALLY HARD at "nothing" ;), I've discovered that it is in the moments when I let myself play, relax, rest and be still that I am infinitely supported, and life unfolds with ease. When I've allowed myself to truly BE whatever I need to be within each moment, songs have been written, new visions for my business have been born--a great deal of new additions will be added to my website in the new year. This has happened all in the perfect, right amount of time. What would it be like if I release more of my resistance to this natural process of life and make that much more time for freedom, ease and joy? I am absolutely willing to find out! :)

In this next year, I am inviting all of us to give ourselves a break and to trust in all that is unfolding. Take a deep breath--all is as it needs to be, and we are loved by every process. Even if you find yourself doubting and struggling against this, I invite you to do as one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Adyashanti, has said, "Enjoy yourself. Even when you're not." In every moment that we are alive, there is goodness to be found.

As always, if you would like support in embracing and celebrating the many beautiful aspects of your being, contact me for a free sample session: igniteyourvoice@gmail.com. I look forward to getting to know you!

©2009 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.