Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about the challenges, rewards, the what's and the how's of trusting in Life's mysterious unfoldings as we co-create our lives. If you didn't catch that one you can take a look here. This week, I want to address another aspect of trust: trust within our relationships.

I hear it all of the time. I've uttered these words. You've uttered these words. "I don't know if I can TRUST him/her." "I'm looking for someone I can TRUST." "You broke my TRUST." One of the biggest misconceptions in our relationships with other people and ultimately, in our relationship with ourselves, is the notion that we can place trust in other people, and that it's reasonable to expect that you will "never let me down."

When I find myself saying "I don't trust you," what I'm really reflecting is a lack of trust for myself and in our beautiful. loving Universe. You, oh dear beautiful soul whose thoughts and actions are way out of my control (thank goodness), can just go on being you and doing your thing because well, it's your job to be you and do your thing. If you're human, like me, you have probably hurt or disappointed people before despite your amazingly good intentions, and you've probably been hurt and disappointed in return. And that is just it: when we enter relationships with the expectation that we will never do anything to hurt or disappoint one another we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. As long as I enter my relationships from a place of expectation that you will do and be who I want and "need" you to be, I'm setting myself up for a very interesting and not always fun ride.

So, if I can't trust you, and you can't trust me, then who the heck can we trust?! Before we go growling at each other and letting our hair stand up on end, I have exciting news: My job is to trust me, and your job is to trust you. What does that mean? It means that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, if you stay or if you go, I know that I can handle it. If I fear abandonment, then I know that what I really want, deep down, is that I never leave myself, that I listen to and act in accordance with my inner voice, that I choose to be honest with both you and me, and that I make all kinds of yummy time to love and be kind to myself.  My soul longs for me to know that the Universe is a kind and loving place that is always providing me with exactly what I need--even when it appears that you are not.

When we enter our relationships from this place of trust, knowing that we are loved by every process unfolding and that we can meet ourselves from a place of love, respect, presence and care, we release each other from the burden of being anything other that who we already are. That's when the love flows in and we discover more juicy goodness than we ever could have imagined with our measly, expecting minds. We discover and create the freedom that comes with true acceptance. So much better than crazy attempts at mind-control, no?

Your assignment: I invite you to notice the ways in which you can feel fear and mistrust in your relationships. Now, I invite you to turn it around and take a gentle look at yourself. In what ways are you being someone you can't trust? In what ways do you "leave" or hurt yourself sometimes? What are some ways that you can strengthen your sense of trust in yourself? 

Nurturing self-love is my dealio, so if you would like some support and need some objective help in seeing those places that you're not loving and trusting so much in yourself (we all need this help sometimes), I would LOVE to create a safe space for us to discover and create together. Contact me at anytime to schedule a free consult. AND if you read this and find that you have a specific question for me--go ahead and submit your question to my Ask the JoyDiva™ blog. You get to be anonymous to readers AND partner with me in sharing goodness.

Much love to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word

Trusting, having faith--let's face it: our lives would be filled with peace and ease if we could have perfect faith, if we could completely trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good of all concerned at every moment. But faith cannot exist without doubt, trust without mistrust. This is part of the beauty of our human existence--it is this balance of opposites, and in holding the tension that they create, that we discover the goop that makes life abundantly rich and rewarding. But how do we strike this balance when it seems that fear and mistrust can so easily dominate the picture?

I've found myself going through an important growth spurt lately, discovering myself ready to start embracing my career as an inspirational songstress more fully and ready to re-enter the world of romantic partnership. With these unfolding discoveries comes a range of emotions--there is excitement and a sense of magic around the possibilities that lie around the bend, a sense of grounded determination for the work that I must do to birth the next chapter of my life, and then there is the fear and overwhelm and the thoughts of "when?" and "how?" that keep trying to come in and crash the party. 

Through the past 5.5 years of coaching clients and growing leaps and bounds myself, I've discovered that fear, anxiety and overwhelm are great indicators that we've gotten way too far ahead of ourselves and are swimming in the murky depths of our unknown future. When the scales tip and I'm suddenly drowning in a sense of overwhelm and feeling paralyzed to take action in the direction of my dreams, the best thing that I can do is bring my attention back to the baby steps that lie right in front of me. How can we trust that our actions will lead us to something good? Taking action on things that make us come alive IS the trust itself, and that trust only grows the more that we take action on those things that inspire us.

Ok, so you've taken inspired action and nothing is happening...yet. What the heck are you supposed to do in the meantime? How do you know that you are doing ENOUGH? I will tell you that the answer definitely does not exist in doing more stuff. If you've followed inspiration and planted seeds, now is the time to put your attention elsewhere while looking forward to the opportunities that will pop up when you least expect them to. (That's the part that makes life so dang magical!) If you haven't noticed already, you can't force a flower to grow, and the same goes for creating our lives. The other way that we actively practice trust is through taking a rest when our heart needs a rest.

Lately, I've been letting myself take more breaks and giving myself all kinds of room to be inspired. When I'm inspired, then I take all kinds of action and work my booty off. When I'm not inspired, I read good novels, I play, I take naps. When I tune into my own rhythms, I tune into the flow of the Universe, and trust just isn't so much of an issue. Right now, there are a lot of unknowns. I'm releasing some beliefs that have been limiting me and that feels really vulnerable...and also more freeing. I'm tuning in regularly and following that sense of freedom, and I know in my heart that God loves my joy and freedom just as much as I do...and my trust in that awareness grows every day that I learn to honor the ebb and flow of inspiration.

Do you have some big dreams that are really exciting and really scary? Feel free to contact me and we'll talk about it--we'll have you taking baby steps in no time. :) You can also ask me your juicy questions at my Q&A blog: http://askthejoydiva.com. I love answering your questions!

Much love & happy dreaming. :)

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Risking It All: The Messy Path of Creativity

A friend asked me recently to share about my creative process. How did I get to this point in my life where I've created my own unique form of  Astrology Coaching, I'm writing songs and performing, creating workshops, products and programs and pretty much making up my career...and my life...as I go? What are some tools that I utilize to tap into and unleash my creativity? At first, I was at a bit of a loss to answer this question..."I color in my free time?" (as in, in coloring books...) was my initial response. :/ Far from satisfied with my answer, I've been reflecting a lot on my creative process in the weeks that have followed that conversation, and here's what I've been discovering.

Let's face it: Life in all of it's miraculous wonder can be scary shit sometimes. The risk of failure appears to loom large around every corner. There is rejection, and heartbreak, and disappointment, and loss, and grief...and then more grief, and then a little bit more. The creative process looks at all of these thoughts about life, all of the painful experiences and the scary unknowns, loves them up, transforms them, and then, breathes new life.  

The concept of "failure" doesn't actually fit into the vocabulary of the creative process, because well, creativity is, um, a process. :) Creativity isn't something that you get "right"--it's something that you practice at again and again and again. It's a journey. Far from being about arriving at some destination, creativity is a way of life. It is about diving into the muddiness head first and getting really, really messy. The creative process requires us to take the path that isn't safe, that could hurt a little bit...or a lot...in order to discover great joy. It asks that we leave our comfort zones checked at the back door and embrace a life of feeling all of our feelings...diving into grief, and despair, and longing, and joy and wonder, living through those feelings and discovering the beauty that exists in every corner of our existence. Yes, when I write a song, when I ACTUALLY finish a song, there is a sense of arriving at a destination. I feel a deep sense of gratitude and completion for what I have birthed into the world. But the song is not actually done until I love it, until it feels like a true authentic expression of what I'm trying to share, and even then, it is just one step along my continual process of becoming.

I choose not to live my life safely. I've had my heart broken, I've been financially destitute, I've felt deeply alone and deeply connected. The specifics of my own creative journey are mine and mine alone--you do not have to become financially destitute in order to be creative, for example (that was really just poor planning on my part and a great topic for another day...;), but in order to create, we do have to surrender what we know for what we are about to discover. In order to create a new horizon, I've had to risk walking away from the one I've known in order to create the next one. People might think I'm fearless, which can only make me laugh. Courageous, yes. Fearless...I don't think so.

I've learned to make my fear a tool for creation. When I choose to question my fear and to understand it, my fear can become my greatest ally in the process. Once I understand all that I am afraid of and what is so scary about moving forward, I've tapped into what is real. For me, once I get to the truth and I get really honest and real with myself, that is when I'm "plugged in" and the creative juices are really flowing. It takes courage to face, question and then befriend our fears--the days when I'm willing to do that are usually the days when I create something beautiful.

Other things that I've learned:

1) I have to make a lot of time to observe life, to listen to my inner voice and simply be. (This is where taking time to color comes in, as well as regular journaling, taking walks, sitting in cafes, drawing forth wisdom from my goddess cards, allowing myself to have days with no agenda, etc.) When I'm busy doing all of the time, living in a state of mental distraction, I become closed off from inspiration. The first step in creation is for us to become receptacles, conduits for the Universe/God/Spirit/Source to fill us up and ignite our inner voice, the longing within us to birth something uniquely ours. The second step is to then willingly take the risk to walk (or in some cases, leap) toward that longing.

2) The act of creation is not actually a solo effort. We co-create every aspect of our lives with this beautiful Universe in which we are a part. Creativity requires that we take the risk to grow in our sense of trust that we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives. It requires that we let go of our need to be in control in order to discover that we are constantly cradled by all of existence. Along this same line, it is crucial that we fill our lives with people who we love and love us, who nurture us and make all kinds of space for us to show up fully as we are. It is so important that we have relationships in our lives that we can plug into and both receive and feel useful. Part of opening ourselves up for inspiration means that we are choosing to share who we are honestly in the world and taking the risk to become truly connected to the people around us. Love and Truth in all of their forms are the life-blood of creativity.

3) Feeling all of our emotions can scare us and make us feel "off balance" at times, but that's the beauty of life. Just like our bodies are constantly working to maintain homeostasis, the Universe is doing the same. Allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel puts you in balance with the larger flow of existence. It is in this flow that the magical process of creativity happens. Getting "off-balance" on our path to deeper fulfillment is far from being off-balance with the flow of life.

4) Taking really good care of myself--taking care of my body with good food and exercise and sleep, honoring my inner "yes's" and "no's" in my relationships, being flexible and giving myself all kinds of permission to honor my internal rhythms--is crucial in feeling confident enough to take leaps into the creative unknown. Taking yummy, good care of myself is like preparing the soil to plant and harvest my beautiful garden.

5) The biggest challenge to creativity is the human mind--I can get hugely in my own way with thoughts of "right" vs. "wrong," "good" & "bad." What I'm creating is certainly something that I hope will be of loving benefit to the world, but I can get stopped in my tracks when I start thinking about, "what others will think." If I like what I've created then I know it's exactly what it needs to be. If you find yourself getting all blocked up for fear of not being good enough, be honest with yourself and use that fear as a tool...journal about it, seek to understand what is so scary and use that fear as fuel for your creation. Again, what is most important is that YOU feel glorious about your own creation. Allow yourself to relish in that. My song "Mr. Shame" is a good one that addresses a lot of this stuff: 

K, that's enough for now. Many blessings to you as you continue to create your wild, messy, and deeply satisfying lives. If you need help getting out of the way of your creative process...shoot me an email, and we'll talk about it. :)

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take it."

I found myself journaling this morning and coming up on some fear around a big decision. "What if I make the wrong choice?" said the voice in my head. In my five years of coaching clients one-on-one, this is one of the most common questions that rears its head as my clients try to make decisions, as well. The mind says, "There is a right choice and a wrong choice, and you better not mess up." Oh, the pressure! The truth is that when it comes to choosing along our life's journey, we can't actually make a wrong choice.

One of my favorite quotations that I've been reflecting on a lot lately is that of Yogi Berra: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." In our search for joy and fulfillment, we can paralyze ourselves with thoughts of "right turn, wrong turn." The irony is that it is our INACTION that ends up leaving us feeling stuck in a dreary ditch, not a "wrong turn."

I want you to imagine for a moment that God/Universe/Spirit/Source is like a GPS system. You set the intention, the destination, and you are infinitely supported in getting there. What happens when you make a "wrong turn?" Your GPS system recalculates to help you arrive at your destination. So really, you didn't take a wrong turn, you simply took the scenic route. 

Just like a GPS system, the Universe is with us every step, supporting us along the way--our inner "yes's" and "no's" help us to know how on track that we are. If we choose something that ends up not feeling quite right, the Universe helps us recalculate until we find something that does. We are never truly off-path, just going through some twists and turns. We are loved by every process that unfolds and never abandoned.  It is only when we stop and turn off the engine, or choose not to act when hitting that fork in the road, that we keep ourselves from our destination. AND rather than finding happiness at the END of the road, we discover that taking action itself creates a deep sense of fulfillment, no matter which way we turn.

One way to work through the fear so that you can take action is to dialogue with it. When I was journaling this morning, my dialogue looked something like this:

Fear: I'm afraid you are going to make the wrong choice.

Consciousness: Thank you so much for always looking out for me. Can you tell me more about what you mean by a "wrong choice?"

Fear: I'm afraid that you will be unhappy and that you will fail in what you set out to do.

Consciousness: I hear you. The thing is that in all of your protectiveness, I'm not actually feeling very happy. Is there a way that we can work together so that we can ensure my success?

Fear: It would make me feel better if you were clear about where you want to go and had a plan.

Consciousness: What a great idea! That makes me feel very grounded. I'm going to get really clear by breaking my goal down into tiny steps right now....

This process of dialoging with my fear gave me a wonderful insight into the ways that even my fear was trying to love me, and I followed up that dialogue with a great plan of action that left me feeling grounded and clear on how to achieve my goal. 

In what ways have you found yourself paralyzed by your fear of making a "wrong choice?" I would love nothing more than to support you and celebrate you as we create a plan for you to step beyond your fear and take action on the things that matter most to you. Contact me at thejoydiva@gmail.com to schedule a free consult. 

In the meantime, I invite you to celebrate each and every step that you take (especially the little ones)--they all count!

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Breathing In Life

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am." ~Sylvia Plath

When I look back upon this last year, it's been a year of taking a step back, clarifying my vision and gaining confidence in new directions. It has been one of the most challenging years that I can recall, one of not always feeling fully at home in my own skin, a lot of unknowns, and many moments of self-doubt. I branched out as a speaker and singer/songwriter while at the same time experiencing my Spiritual Coaching and Astrology practice at somewhat of a standstill. The shift in our economy was a painful experience for me but in many ways, exactly what I needed. I needed a break. I needed to recharge. It was time for a long, deep, breath.

In looking at many of life's processes, I can't help but notice that there is an in-breath and an out-breath to all of existence. I'm reminded of the famous Biblical passage from Ecclesiastes that was popularized in 1965 by The Byrds--this theme shows up in religious traditions throughout time: "There is a time to rend and a time to sew;...a time to keep silent and a time to speak;... a time to mourn and a time to dance." We breathe in; we breathe out. When it comes to creating our lives, this process is no different--yet, so many of us, myself included, can find it so much easier to run around doing, doing, doing and we don't make time for a deep in-breath, both literally and figuratively. After a long period of exhaling into my life, it was time to stop, pause, and fill myself up again; and if I really assess the challenges presented to me in this past year, I can't help but notice that it was my own resistance to all that is that brought so much unease into my experience. It is a much more vulnerable experience to breath-in, to sit still and receive, than it is to be in the confident space of breathing into the world. In many ways, I felt lost, alone and wanting to be anywhere but here. Sound familiar?

It is easy to forget that we co-create our lives with God/Universe/Spirit/Source. When it comes to manifesting all of the goodness that we can muster into our lives, we can so easily try to force things, to think that if we are not doing something at all times to bring that vision into reality that it won't happen, that our dreams won't come true. I was forced to take a long hard look at this behavior in this past year. I see it in myself and in my clients all of the time. It can feel TERRIFYING to sit back and wait for inspiration, to trust that if we don't have the answer NOW that it will come later. Yet, I've learned that if I don't honor the need for stillness, or to take a nap, or to read Harry Potter, or play when I feel like I "should be doing something important", I rob myself of the support that I need. I keep myself from "hearing" the answers, from knowing what is truly right for me, and in those moments, I'm not trusting that there is a time, and a purpose for everything that is unfolding. I'm not giving myself the nutrients that a nice, long inhale provides.

In co-creating our lives we must take time to breathe in--to envision what it is that we want to create, to feel all of the passion and excitement around that vision, and then to remain open for inspiration to help us move toward that vision. It is THEN, that we are able to breathe out goodness into the world, acting on that inspiration, doing all that we can with what we know and have in front of us to move that vision into reality. We then continue the cycle by breathing in again until inspiration strikes us once more.

So, after a long year of resisting this process and being terrified of doing "nothing" and at times, working REALLY HARD at "nothing" ;), I've discovered that it is in the moments when I let myself play, relax, rest and be still that I am infinitely supported, and life unfolds with ease. When I've allowed myself to truly BE whatever I need to be within each moment, songs have been written, new visions for my business have been born--a great deal of new additions will be added to my website in the new year. This has happened all in the perfect, right amount of time. What would it be like if I release more of my resistance to this natural process of life and make that much more time for freedom, ease and joy? I am absolutely willing to find out! :)

In this next year, I am inviting all of us to give ourselves a break and to trust in all that is unfolding. Take a deep breath--all is as it needs to be, and we are loved by every process. Even if you find yourself doubting and struggling against this, I invite you to do as one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Adyashanti, has said, "Enjoy yourself. Even when you're not." In every moment that we are alive, there is goodness to be found.

As always, if you would like support in embracing and celebrating the many beautiful aspects of your being, contact me for a free sample session: igniteyourvoice@gmail.com. I look forward to getting to know you!

©2009 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.