Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word

Trusting, having faith--let's face it: our lives would be filled with peace and ease if we could have perfect faith, if we could completely trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good of all concerned at every moment. But faith cannot exist without doubt, trust without mistrust. This is part of the beauty of our human existence--it is this balance of opposites, and in holding the tension that they create, that we discover the goop that makes life abundantly rich and rewarding. But how do we strike this balance when it seems that fear and mistrust can so easily dominate the picture?

I've found myself going through an important growth spurt lately, discovering myself ready to start embracing my career as an inspirational songstress more fully and ready to re-enter the world of romantic partnership. With these unfolding discoveries comes a range of emotions--there is excitement and a sense of magic around the possibilities that lie around the bend, a sense of grounded determination for the work that I must do to birth the next chapter of my life, and then there is the fear and overwhelm and the thoughts of "when?" and "how?" that keep trying to come in and crash the party. 

Through the past 5.5 years of coaching clients and growing leaps and bounds myself, I've discovered that fear, anxiety and overwhelm are great indicators that we've gotten way too far ahead of ourselves and are swimming in the murky depths of our unknown future. When the scales tip and I'm suddenly drowning in a sense of overwhelm and feeling paralyzed to take action in the direction of my dreams, the best thing that I can do is bring my attention back to the baby steps that lie right in front of me. How can we trust that our actions will lead us to something good? Taking action on things that make us come alive IS the trust itself, and that trust only grows the more that we take action on those things that inspire us.

Ok, so you've taken inspired action and nothing is happening...yet. What the heck are you supposed to do in the meantime? How do you know that you are doing ENOUGH? I will tell you that the answer definitely does not exist in doing more stuff. If you've followed inspiration and planted seeds, now is the time to put your attention elsewhere while looking forward to the opportunities that will pop up when you least expect them to. (That's the part that makes life so dang magical!) If you haven't noticed already, you can't force a flower to grow, and the same goes for creating our lives. The other way that we actively practice trust is through taking a rest when our heart needs a rest.

Lately, I've been letting myself take more breaks and giving myself all kinds of room to be inspired. When I'm inspired, then I take all kinds of action and work my booty off. When I'm not inspired, I read good novels, I play, I take naps. When I tune into my own rhythms, I tune into the flow of the Universe, and trust just isn't so much of an issue. Right now, there are a lot of unknowns. I'm releasing some beliefs that have been limiting me and that feels really vulnerable...and also more freeing. I'm tuning in regularly and following that sense of freedom, and I know in my heart that God loves my joy and freedom just as much as I do...and my trust in that awareness grows every day that I learn to honor the ebb and flow of inspiration.

Do you have some big dreams that are really exciting and really scary? Feel free to contact me and we'll talk about it--we'll have you taking baby steps in no time. :) You can also ask me your juicy questions at my Q&A blog: http://askthejoydiva.com. I love answering your questions!

Much love & happy dreaming. :)

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Risking It All: The Messy Path of Creativity

A friend asked me recently to share about my creative process. How did I get to this point in my life where I've created my own unique form of  Astrology Coaching, I'm writing songs and performing, creating workshops, products and programs and pretty much making up my career...and my life...as I go? What are some tools that I utilize to tap into and unleash my creativity? At first, I was at a bit of a loss to answer this question..."I color in my free time?" (as in, in coloring books...) was my initial response. :/ Far from satisfied with my answer, I've been reflecting a lot on my creative process in the weeks that have followed that conversation, and here's what I've been discovering.

Let's face it: Life in all of it's miraculous wonder can be scary shit sometimes. The risk of failure appears to loom large around every corner. There is rejection, and heartbreak, and disappointment, and loss, and grief...and then more grief, and then a little bit more. The creative process looks at all of these thoughts about life, all of the painful experiences and the scary unknowns, loves them up, transforms them, and then, breathes new life.  

The concept of "failure" doesn't actually fit into the vocabulary of the creative process, because well, creativity is, um, a process. :) Creativity isn't something that you get "right"--it's something that you practice at again and again and again. It's a journey. Far from being about arriving at some destination, creativity is a way of life. It is about diving into the muddiness head first and getting really, really messy. The creative process requires us to take the path that isn't safe, that could hurt a little bit...or a lot...in order to discover great joy. It asks that we leave our comfort zones checked at the back door and embrace a life of feeling all of our feelings...diving into grief, and despair, and longing, and joy and wonder, living through those feelings and discovering the beauty that exists in every corner of our existence. Yes, when I write a song, when I ACTUALLY finish a song, there is a sense of arriving at a destination. I feel a deep sense of gratitude and completion for what I have birthed into the world. But the song is not actually done until I love it, until it feels like a true authentic expression of what I'm trying to share, and even then, it is just one step along my continual process of becoming.

I choose not to live my life safely. I've had my heart broken, I've been financially destitute, I've felt deeply alone and deeply connected. The specifics of my own creative journey are mine and mine alone--you do not have to become financially destitute in order to be creative, for example (that was really just poor planning on my part and a great topic for another day...;), but in order to create, we do have to surrender what we know for what we are about to discover. In order to create a new horizon, I've had to risk walking away from the one I've known in order to create the next one. People might think I'm fearless, which can only make me laugh. Courageous, yes. Fearless...I don't think so.

I've learned to make my fear a tool for creation. When I choose to question my fear and to understand it, my fear can become my greatest ally in the process. Once I understand all that I am afraid of and what is so scary about moving forward, I've tapped into what is real. For me, once I get to the truth and I get really honest and real with myself, that is when I'm "plugged in" and the creative juices are really flowing. It takes courage to face, question and then befriend our fears--the days when I'm willing to do that are usually the days when I create something beautiful.

Other things that I've learned:

1) I have to make a lot of time to observe life, to listen to my inner voice and simply be. (This is where taking time to color comes in, as well as regular journaling, taking walks, sitting in cafes, drawing forth wisdom from my goddess cards, allowing myself to have days with no agenda, etc.) When I'm busy doing all of the time, living in a state of mental distraction, I become closed off from inspiration. The first step in creation is for us to become receptacles, conduits for the Universe/God/Spirit/Source to fill us up and ignite our inner voice, the longing within us to birth something uniquely ours. The second step is to then willingly take the risk to walk (or in some cases, leap) toward that longing.

2) The act of creation is not actually a solo effort. We co-create every aspect of our lives with this beautiful Universe in which we are a part. Creativity requires that we take the risk to grow in our sense of trust that we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives. It requires that we let go of our need to be in control in order to discover that we are constantly cradled by all of existence. Along this same line, it is crucial that we fill our lives with people who we love and love us, who nurture us and make all kinds of space for us to show up fully as we are. It is so important that we have relationships in our lives that we can plug into and both receive and feel useful. Part of opening ourselves up for inspiration means that we are choosing to share who we are honestly in the world and taking the risk to become truly connected to the people around us. Love and Truth in all of their forms are the life-blood of creativity.

3) Feeling all of our emotions can scare us and make us feel "off balance" at times, but that's the beauty of life. Just like our bodies are constantly working to maintain homeostasis, the Universe is doing the same. Allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel puts you in balance with the larger flow of existence. It is in this flow that the magical process of creativity happens. Getting "off-balance" on our path to deeper fulfillment is far from being off-balance with the flow of life.

4) Taking really good care of myself--taking care of my body with good food and exercise and sleep, honoring my inner "yes's" and "no's" in my relationships, being flexible and giving myself all kinds of permission to honor my internal rhythms--is crucial in feeling confident enough to take leaps into the creative unknown. Taking yummy, good care of myself is like preparing the soil to plant and harvest my beautiful garden.

5) The biggest challenge to creativity is the human mind--I can get hugely in my own way with thoughts of "right" vs. "wrong," "good" & "bad." What I'm creating is certainly something that I hope will be of loving benefit to the world, but I can get stopped in my tracks when I start thinking about, "what others will think." If I like what I've created then I know it's exactly what it needs to be. If you find yourself getting all blocked up for fear of not being good enough, be honest with yourself and use that fear as a tool...journal about it, seek to understand what is so scary and use that fear as fuel for your creation. Again, what is most important is that YOU feel glorious about your own creation. Allow yourself to relish in that. My song "Mr. Shame" is a good one that addresses a lot of this stuff: 

K, that's enough for now. Many blessings to you as you continue to create your wild, messy, and deeply satisfying lives. If you need help getting out of the way of your creative process...shoot me an email, and we'll talk about it. :)

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

When "Spiritual" isn't cutting it...

"God dwells within you...as you. God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves. The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile...who is that person? It's Ingrid Bergman in "The Bells of St. Mary's" – not me. God dwells within me...as me."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Being an Astrology Coach and often referred to as a "Spiritual Life Coach," I can easily fall into a trap of feeling like I have to somehow "rise above" my humanity, that it's "my job" to seek the good in all people and situations. Much of the time, I am pretty good at that. I do get a lot of the ways to create my joy, and I live a pretty joyful existence. I can feel a lot of balance, peace and gratitude in my daily life.

But here's the deal: No matter what I do for a living, it is not my job to be spiritual. It is my job to be me...real, messy, learning, growing, struggling, striving and sometimes thriving...me. This goes for all of us, actually. What I see so often in myself and in the people I'm blessed to support is this sense like we "should" know better. We think we are "better than" our anger, or hurt, or jealousy or fear. We find ourselves taking things personally or being upset with someone and we say, "The loving thing, the spiritual thing, would be to simply do the work, question our thoughts, to release our fear, do the forgiveness thing, to be kind and loving, and let it go. Yes, this is a beautiful approach to life and relationships, and sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a break. In order to get to the forgiveness part and the loving kindness part, I have to own that this junk I'm feeling in the moment is real and it's not going anywhere until I'm real right along with it.

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with some intense grief as I go through my own death and rebirth cycle with a significant relationship in my life and ultimately, with my relationship that I have with myself. I have felt so many emotions and I've vigilantly questioned my thoughts and revealed to myself places that I've been creating an unhealthy story. I've been like a bounty hunter for limiting thoughts that are causing my suffering, blasting through them to find what's true. I find myself today still processing this grief and when thinking about blogging, I thought, "I can't STILL be writing about my grief! I should be over this by now! What's wrong with me?! I'm a Spiritual Life Coach, for goodness sake!" My ego self seems to think that being a Spiritual Life Coach makes me something other than human, me thinks. :) The truth is that whether I were in the line of work that I am or not, I would still be hard on myself in this way.  Should's and ought's and woulda-coulda's seem to find a way of creeping in no matter who we are and what we do.

Today I'm doing more to make peace with my grief. I've put away my AK-47, seeing as how it's been exhausting being a spiritual vigilante on this mission to liberate my mind. Yes, I have all kinds of tools, and I've learned a lot as I've pulled them out in an effort to nurture myself. Now, I'm making peace with thoughts of anger and jealousy. I'm making peace with the part of me that has been resisting this whole process and telling me how I should be feeling and acting. I could argue with reality or I could just be real. There have been times that I don't feel like seeing the good in this situation or in certain people. There have been times when I've been a blubbering, snotty mess. I've placed love outside of myself. I've held my breath hoping that certain outcomes that are out of my control would magically be IN my control. I've been afraid. I've struggled to see the big picture. I've felt completely out of balance. I've felt completely UN-spiritual.  And guess what? It is in that space that the growth-work is happening. 

I've been thinking a lot about one of my favorite books and favorite films lately, Eat, Pray, Love. Liz Gilbert's journey through Italy, India, and Spain, completely capture my life's work to nurture my relationship with myself and help others do the same. I've been single since January and LOVING my growth and loving how balanced and happy that I've felt. Then the grief came and I found myself questioning if everything that I've learned has been for nothing, if that sense of balance was an illusion. There is a particular quotation from the movie that comes to mind to me right now. Liz is so upset with herself because she has fallen in love and gotten completely out of balance with herself. She goes to her teacher, Ketut Liyer, and expresses to him her fear that she is losing herself in love, and this is what he says to her: "To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." I would go so far as to say that to lose balance for any aspect of life is part of living a balanced life. So here I am, feeling out of balance and completely un-spiritual--and I'm actually right where I need to be, in balance with all that is.

By surrendering my need to stop myself from trying to control outcomes--even as I've seen myself creating suffering for myself--I lean into the greater balance. I've created much more suffering for myself in times of trying to be spiritual instead of just letting all the nitty, gritty, catty parts of me show their head. Make no mistake, I am still doing my best to curb the destructive nature of these emotions--I'm not burning buildings or destroying lives, no hate mail has been sent. I'm also not beating myself up so much when I think or feel things that my spiritual self would otherwise deem as "base." Grief sucks, fear sucks, and here I am. I love myself more because I know how hard I work at being good. I love myself because I am human.  

It feels good to simply breathe that in.

With Great Thanks,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Are you being Selfish...or SOUL-fish?

In teaching self-love and supporting my clients as they fill their lives with healthy self-love practices, it is not uncommon that I'm faced with the question, "But isn't choosing myself, selfish?" In our society that lauds giving and struggles with receiving it can certainly FEEL like pursuing our own happiness is selfish, can it not? It is also not uncommon that when my clients start more fully advocating for and creating what they want and need in their lives that their loved ones lash out with the statement, "You're being selfish!" Yikes! How does one deal with that?!

The truth is there is a very clear difference between selfishness and practicing self-love or what a friend of mine likes to call SOULFISHNESS. Selfishness is when we ask another to change or do something other than what he or she is doing in order to make us happy. We can certainly express if something is not working for us--giving others information as to what is pleasing to us is a great thing; however, when we place our ability to be happy on the actions of another, we are not only setting ourselves and our relationships up to fail, we are also asking a GREAT deal of our partners, friends, family, etc. Soulfishness is when we choose to act in accordance with what will make us happy, DESPITE the possible unpleasant reactions of others. It is not your job to make others happy, nor is it others' job to make YOU happy.  When you choose what you need for yourself instead of looking to others to feed you, you are giving the most loving gift that you can to all of your relationships, including your primary relationship with yourself. So often when others say, "You are being selfish!" in response to a decision to do your own thing, focus on yourself, make a change that you need to in your life, it is THEM behaving selfishly because they are expecting you to do something that does not serve you in order to "make them happy." That external idea of happiness is always an illusion...relying on others whims to make us happy? Whew. What a miserable existence that is. It's wonderful to have compassion when you see someone creating suffering by not being in alignment with what is, and compassion never means saying yes when you mean no!  Being patient with another persons' reaction and listening from a place of love is a beautiful thing if that serves you; however you do not need anyone's approval to be who you are or do what you need to do for yourself.

I once had a client ask me "What do I do when nurturing myself is in direct conflict with another (their joy, their needs, etc) how do you resolve that? How do you balance that?"  My response to that is that "a direct conflict" between needs is an illusion unless it comes down to saving your life or your child's, period. If someone else wants you to go to a football game or concert or watch his/her kids, etc, and the voice inside you is saying, "No, I really would just love to stay home or do something else, etc," it is your job to listen to that voice and honor it, and it is the other person's job to decide how he/she wants to react to that choice. There is no such thing as needs being in conflict. I take care of me and you take care of you and loving each other means that we allow each other to be who we are--true unconditional love allows the freedom to pursue that which brings us joy. My happiness is not in conflict with your happiness. It is also not contingent upon your happiness. You can choose to tell a joyful story about your experience at any moment just as I can. Our happiness was meant to co-exist, not to depend on our take away from one another.  It is an illusion to think that if we pursue our own joy that someone else will be unhappy as a result of that choice. Others can react in an unhappy manner, but the beauty is that they get to choose their reaction just as we all do!  Let's choose joy, shall we?

So, honor those inner yes's and no's knowing that when you choose to be soulfish, you create the opportunity for your loved ones to authentically meet their own needs as well. Everybody wins when we take care of ourselves. Everybody. Imagine a world in which everyone fed their joy, a world in which everyone pursued that which made them happy instead of going around complaining about how unhappy everyone else is making them--there would be no need to hoard resources and wealth, create wars, cheat on our partners...the list could go on and on. By practicing soulfishness, you are one person closer to creating that world. Kind of cool to think that you can get the party started, huh?  

If you find yourself having conflict between choosing self and meeting the needs of others, I have a FREE JoyDiva™ Celebration call coming up on Thursday, October 27 at 7pm Central / 8pm Eastern that is perfect for you!  We are going to illuminate some of the ways that you can start identifying when you are being soulfish vs. selfish and what you can do about that to create more joy, confidence and thriving relationships in your life. Click here to sign up and get the details: http://eepurl.com/goExX

Love and Blessings to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson