Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word

Trusting, having faith--let's face it: our lives would be filled with peace and ease if we could have perfect faith, if we could completely trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good of all concerned at every moment. But faith cannot exist without doubt, trust without mistrust. This is part of the beauty of our human existence--it is this balance of opposites, and in holding the tension that they create, that we discover the goop that makes life abundantly rich and rewarding. But how do we strike this balance when it seems that fear and mistrust can so easily dominate the picture?

I've found myself going through an important growth spurt lately, discovering myself ready to start embracing my career as an inspirational songstress more fully and ready to re-enter the world of romantic partnership. With these unfolding discoveries comes a range of emotions--there is excitement and a sense of magic around the possibilities that lie around the bend, a sense of grounded determination for the work that I must do to birth the next chapter of my life, and then there is the fear and overwhelm and the thoughts of "when?" and "how?" that keep trying to come in and crash the party. 

Through the past 5.5 years of coaching clients and growing leaps and bounds myself, I've discovered that fear, anxiety and overwhelm are great indicators that we've gotten way too far ahead of ourselves and are swimming in the murky depths of our unknown future. When the scales tip and I'm suddenly drowning in a sense of overwhelm and feeling paralyzed to take action in the direction of my dreams, the best thing that I can do is bring my attention back to the baby steps that lie right in front of me. How can we trust that our actions will lead us to something good? Taking action on things that make us come alive IS the trust itself, and that trust only grows the more that we take action on those things that inspire us.

Ok, so you've taken inspired action and nothing is happening...yet. What the heck are you supposed to do in the meantime? How do you know that you are doing ENOUGH? I will tell you that the answer definitely does not exist in doing more stuff. If you've followed inspiration and planted seeds, now is the time to put your attention elsewhere while looking forward to the opportunities that will pop up when you least expect them to. (That's the part that makes life so dang magical!) If you haven't noticed already, you can't force a flower to grow, and the same goes for creating our lives. The other way that we actively practice trust is through taking a rest when our heart needs a rest.

Lately, I've been letting myself take more breaks and giving myself all kinds of room to be inspired. When I'm inspired, then I take all kinds of action and work my booty off. When I'm not inspired, I read good novels, I play, I take naps. When I tune into my own rhythms, I tune into the flow of the Universe, and trust just isn't so much of an issue. Right now, there are a lot of unknowns. I'm releasing some beliefs that have been limiting me and that feels really vulnerable...and also more freeing. I'm tuning in regularly and following that sense of freedom, and I know in my heart that God loves my joy and freedom just as much as I do...and my trust in that awareness grows every day that I learn to honor the ebb and flow of inspiration.

Do you have some big dreams that are really exciting and really scary? Feel free to contact me and we'll talk about it--we'll have you taking baby steps in no time. :) You can also ask me your juicy questions at my Q&A blog: http://askthejoydiva.com. I love answering your questions!

Much love & happy dreaming. :)

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Receving As a Spiritual Act

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

This past Saturday, I embarked on what is in many ways the most vulnerable journey that I've ever taken, and it has caused me to think a lot about my own beliefs and what I perceive to be our collective beliefs regarding both giving and receiving. 

As a Life Coach, I spend a lot of time mentoring my clients in how to receive.  Let's face it: giving feels good.  It brings us joy.  We get to feel the warm fuzzies of making someone else's day better.  It gives us a sense of validation and worth.  When looking for quotations on this topic I found loads and loads of statements along the lines of, "He who gives is the golden child and deserves all of our love and adoration."  But what about receiving?  To open ourselves to communicate our needs, to allow ourselves to breathe in goodness, to fully own a compliment, to set boundaries for ourselves, to indulge in something that feels nurturing--these things all feel pretty darn scary to ask for, vulnerable, self-centered, you name it, and it certainly was challenging to find quotations that PRAISE receiving, barring our friend Nietzsche the Nihilist, quoted above.  Isn't it the humble thing to shirk off a compliment, to decline help when it is offered?  And God forbid one should be allowed to actually ASK for what one needs!  Yikes!

Yes, it is true that when giving talks about cultivating joy in our lives, I invite people to approach their lives from a place of service, but I ALSO, invite people to take time to acknowledge themselves, to set healthy boundaries, to RECEIVE, to honor the truth of who they are.  The truth is that giving and receiving are not separate actions at all--they are a part of the larger ebb and flow of existence.  We cannot have one without the other, and we cannot have JOY without embracing both equally in our lives.  We cannot breathe out without breathing in, and vice versa.

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

I love this quotation because it points to both giving and receiving as necessary acts--we need to give just as much as we need to receive, and when we don't allow ourselves to fully receive, we rob the giver of this need.  Here is a recent story from a friend of mine that powerfully illustrates this:

"My younger son gave us some of his money yesterday and I took it and my husband refused. Then I got [my husband] to see that he should also gratefully take it. Then my son tried to give his older brother 5 bucks when he came home and the older one would NOT accept. And it made the younger one CRY. It was so sad. Yes, in failing to receive we fail the joy of the giver as well."

In receiving we give, and in giving, we receive--this little boy understands this, perfectly.

Yes, this past Saturday I embarked on one the most vulnerable journeys of my life thus far--I started an online fundraising campaign for my debut CD, "Be a Light."  In the days since, I have felt isolation, shame, guilt, and my self-talk has been a fascinating array of judgments that reflect all of these feelings.  I have boldly and courageously thrust myself into the role of receiver, and in this culture that praises givers, it has been a lonely place to live.  And yet, I am growing, learning and simultaneously feeling more and more worthy to ask for what I need everyday.  I realize now that fundraising has become a spiritual act for me--an opportunity to dive into these feelings and recognize that I am part of this larger ebb and flow, and that I am worth communicating my needs fully.  I give of myself everyday as a giver, nurturer, and supporter of dreams.  Now, it is my turn to open up and be a receptacle--to breathe in so that I can breathe out my musical goodness more fully into the world.  As scary as this all is, I am proud of myself for boldly asking for support, and I hope that in my vulnerability, I might inspire others to do the same.

Click here to watch an amazing video and learn more about my fundraising journey:http://www.indiegogo.com/BeALightCD

With Much Love and Gratitude,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Bathing in the Mud of Our Lives

"Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things." 

~ The Tao Te Ching, Chapter 15

It is not in pushing or pulling, in forcing ourselves to have certain thoughts over others, or in forcing situations to move in one direction or the other that we cultivate joy in our lives.  It is when we first allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling, when we create time and space to bathe in the mud and muck of our existence that we make room for joy to peek it's shining head from below the murky surface.

In a new age of "positive thinking," I believe that people are being sadly misinformed to simply "stop thinking negative thoughts" or in that same vein, "to focus on the positive" when they are feeling anything but positive.  I invite you to raise your hand if it has ever worked for you to stop thinking negative thoughts, to stop feeling down, or to feel joy...on command.  (Ok, so I can't SEE you as you read this, but something tells me you are not raising your hand.)  Just as it rarely works to tell a small child to stop crying and get the desired results, as adults we cannot force our feelings from one direction to the other.  Just as that child will probably start crying harder and louder upon being told to stop, the ego voices in our heads will do the same if we ignore or resist our suffering.  Now don't get me wrong. I am the number one fan of gratitude, and finding beauty amidst the struggle, but I've learned that before I can appreciate the struggle, I have to allow the pain to run its course.  Yes people--a large part of feeling deep joy in our existence is in allowing ourselves to feel like total crap.

In our instant gratification society, we've programmed ourselves to resist all that is uncomfortable, to insure ourselves against unknown threats, to stay inside the lines of expectation in order to avoid unknown consequences.  At any glimpse of discomfort, something inside of us signals that we are standing in the middle of a burning fire, and we do whatever we can to jump out of it.  The irony is that by doing this, we only perpetuate our discomfort and add fuel to the fire of fear within us.  It is only by choosing to face the discomfort, to walk through the fire, that we discover the warm knowing, the sense of deeper fulfillment that inevitably follows; and sometimes "walking through the fire" means being still with our discomfort until we are inspired to act again.  Sitting with discomfort requires patience.  It is a courageous act of surrender.

One of my favorite mantras at the moment is the phrase, "Thy will be done."  This is a phrase that we hear spoken in the "Lord's Prayer" of the Christian tradition, and it is a phrase that I have come to see in a whole new light recently.  To me, when I speak this phrase, I am saying, "I trust you completely God/Universe/Spirit/Source/Life.  I trust that your will is for the highest good of all, and I surrender." In its natural state, all of life is built to thrive.  When I surrender to whatever is unfolding in my life, when I stop pushing and pulling in one direction or the other, I am getting out of the way of my ability to thrive.  I do not have all of the answers, and I never will.  It is only arrogant for me to believe that I can know at all times the best path to take for my life, but when I surrender, when I say, "Thy will be done," I am choosing to see that I am loved by every process that unfolds in my life.  It is in those moments of surrender, that my joy whispers the next step in my ear, and my path is illuminated once more.

In what ways do you resist your thoughts and feelings?  Are there areas of your life that you are trying to force?  Perhaps you have grown attached to an outcome that has become limiting or a vision of your life that has you feeling overwhelmed.  What would happen if you simply allowed yourself to feel it, to sit with that sense of struggle?  What would happen if you stopped running around or trying to "figure it out?"  What if you simply let yourself feel scared?  I invite you to breathe in that awareness.  Just take a couple of deep breaths.  As you allow yourself to wade into the mud of your life, as you choose to be patient while that mud settles and the waters run clear, I invite you to know that you are loved by every process that unfolds in your life.  You are magnificent and lovable even in your most vulnerable moments.  You were born to thrive as all that you are.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.

There is a peace that comes when we choose to honor the truth of what we are feeling.  I invite you to bathe in that truth.  Get messy.  Get muddy.  I hope that you delight in what you find.

©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.

*Photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14833125@N02/2825321490/

Breathing In Life

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am." ~Sylvia Plath

When I look back upon this last year, it's been a year of taking a step back, clarifying my vision and gaining confidence in new directions. It has been one of the most challenging years that I can recall, one of not always feeling fully at home in my own skin, a lot of unknowns, and many moments of self-doubt. I branched out as a speaker and singer/songwriter while at the same time experiencing my Spiritual Coaching and Astrology practice at somewhat of a standstill. The shift in our economy was a painful experience for me but in many ways, exactly what I needed. I needed a break. I needed to recharge. It was time for a long, deep, breath.

In looking at many of life's processes, I can't help but notice that there is an in-breath and an out-breath to all of existence. I'm reminded of the famous Biblical passage from Ecclesiastes that was popularized in 1965 by The Byrds--this theme shows up in religious traditions throughout time: "There is a time to rend and a time to sew;...a time to keep silent and a time to speak;... a time to mourn and a time to dance." We breathe in; we breathe out. When it comes to creating our lives, this process is no different--yet, so many of us, myself included, can find it so much easier to run around doing, doing, doing and we don't make time for a deep in-breath, both literally and figuratively. After a long period of exhaling into my life, it was time to stop, pause, and fill myself up again; and if I really assess the challenges presented to me in this past year, I can't help but notice that it was my own resistance to all that is that brought so much unease into my experience. It is a much more vulnerable experience to breath-in, to sit still and receive, than it is to be in the confident space of breathing into the world. In many ways, I felt lost, alone and wanting to be anywhere but here. Sound familiar?

It is easy to forget that we co-create our lives with God/Universe/Spirit/Source. When it comes to manifesting all of the goodness that we can muster into our lives, we can so easily try to force things, to think that if we are not doing something at all times to bring that vision into reality that it won't happen, that our dreams won't come true. I was forced to take a long hard look at this behavior in this past year. I see it in myself and in my clients all of the time. It can feel TERRIFYING to sit back and wait for inspiration, to trust that if we don't have the answer NOW that it will come later. Yet, I've learned that if I don't honor the need for stillness, or to take a nap, or to read Harry Potter, or play when I feel like I "should be doing something important", I rob myself of the support that I need. I keep myself from "hearing" the answers, from knowing what is truly right for me, and in those moments, I'm not trusting that there is a time, and a purpose for everything that is unfolding. I'm not giving myself the nutrients that a nice, long inhale provides.

In co-creating our lives we must take time to breathe in--to envision what it is that we want to create, to feel all of the passion and excitement around that vision, and then to remain open for inspiration to help us move toward that vision. It is THEN, that we are able to breathe out goodness into the world, acting on that inspiration, doing all that we can with what we know and have in front of us to move that vision into reality. We then continue the cycle by breathing in again until inspiration strikes us once more.

So, after a long year of resisting this process and being terrified of doing "nothing" and at times, working REALLY HARD at "nothing" ;), I've discovered that it is in the moments when I let myself play, relax, rest and be still that I am infinitely supported, and life unfolds with ease. When I've allowed myself to truly BE whatever I need to be within each moment, songs have been written, new visions for my business have been born--a great deal of new additions will be added to my website in the new year. This has happened all in the perfect, right amount of time. What would it be like if I release more of my resistance to this natural process of life and make that much more time for freedom, ease and joy? I am absolutely willing to find out! :)

In this next year, I am inviting all of us to give ourselves a break and to trust in all that is unfolding. Take a deep breath--all is as it needs to be, and we are loved by every process. Even if you find yourself doubting and struggling against this, I invite you to do as one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Adyashanti, has said, "Enjoy yourself. Even when you're not." In every moment that we are alive, there is goodness to be found.

As always, if you would like support in embracing and celebrating the many beautiful aspects of your being, contact me for a free sample session: igniteyourvoice@gmail.com. I look forward to getting to know you!

©2009 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.