The Wisdom in our Wounds

Today, I'm going to write about a not-so-little asteroid called Chiron, how it has shaped my life, and why it is one of the main astrological points that I explore with my clients when sharing the wisdom of their birth chart.  Chiron or Kheiron, gets its name from a Greek myth about a Centaur who was a great teacher and healer and also an immortal god.  At one point in Chrion's story, he is accidentally wounded by a venomous arrow, and the poison is so powerful that despite his immortality and great ability as a healer, he is unable to heal himself. 

In Astrology, Chrion is known as the "Wounded-Healer" asteroid and it not only points to our deepest emotional wound that we spend our whole life trying to heal, but it also points to our unique gift to the world.  As we grow in our suffering, we gain wisdom and compassion enough to heal others who are also suffering.  The more we understand this woundedeness, the more that we can come to a place of loving acceptance about ourselves and be a force for good in the world.  

In my birth chart, Chiron is in Taurus and at the very end of the 2nd house, which is actually calling in the energy of the 3rd house of Communication.  Chiron in Taurus gave me an overall sense of lack and unworthiness as a child, along with a feeling of scarcity regarding love and material security.  I could never have too many pretty things, and I often felt a void before needing to buy another thing. I also developed crushes on boys at a young age and always dreamed of being loved in return. Partnered with the energy of the 3rd House, I had a bit of a lisp and a stutter, and while I longed to be heard, I would always feel deeply exposed when it was my turn to talk. Inside, I was deeply eloquent, but every time I opened my mouth I felt like I had to prove myself.  At home, my temper would flare when I didn't feel heard or understood, and it would always make things worse--no one wants to listen to someone who is screaming and throwing things at them.  The louder I yelled, the more invisible I became.

Then there was the time in H.S. when I was voted "Most Talkative Female" and one classmate suggested that it was because "I never shut-up." (sigh....High School). So, what some folks would simply interpret as being considered a sign of sociability, struck my wound of never feeling like I could get it right in the communication department. In my early 20's there was also the boyfriend who just before I met his parents made sure to tell me not to "talk too much" as we approached the door, and even though his friends expressed how much they loved me when I met them, he made sure I knew that I talked too much then, too. Thank God for all that I learned from that junk...which included and was certainly not limited to making sure I no longer dated assholes.

Here's the fun part: It is no coincidence that I grew up to be a life coach committed to helping others build their sense of self-worth in order to find and confidently express their unique voices in the world. It is no coincidence that after all of the years of feeling like I have something important to say, that "miss talkative," is now an accomplished public speaker who people enjoy listening to. It is no coincidence that I love to write and that I find it healing to share my truth in both song and written word.  Yes, If I were to live only from my woundedness, I would be a boy-chasing, shopaholic who only wants to be heard. (At times in my life, I've been all of these). The good news is that I've also discovered the wisdom in my wounds, AND these wounds have made me beautiful, unique and magnificent.  By understanding my woundedness and developing coping skills to heal and nurture myself, I developed amazing skills that allow me to help others heal everyday. AND as I help my clients heal, I heal 10-fold.  This is Chiron's gift in our lives.

What is the wound that you are here to heal, and how has it shaped you into the magnificent person that you are today? Rather than trying to "fix" these parts of yourself, in what ways can you further embrace your wounds and gain wisdom from them?

Something that was big for me this week was choosing to post the above picture on my FB wall--it occurred to me that I've never actually made fun, in a loving way, while claiming this part of myself.  The truth is, I was born talkative, and I will die talkative (hopefully not mid-sentence, but you never know...:). What if I simply claim and LOVE myself for this part of me rather than always worrying that I'm somehow "too much?" Some people love this about me and some probably don't--I figure that I might as well be one of the lovers. :)

If you would like support in better understanding the wisdom of your wounds and to learn where Chiron is in your chart, I would love to help you with this! You can contact me  to schedule a consult: thejoydiva@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you as you discover and speak your truth for all to hear.

Much Love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Taking Space in Our Relationships

I love the healing and growth that can come out of taking space from people sometimes...even when that space needs to last for years...and the cool discoveries that can happen when we reconnect. A wise woman I know once said to me, "You can love anyone from a certain distance, and you just need to figure out what that distance is." Sometimes taking space is the most powerful way that we can love one another.

Are there people in your life that you are afraid to let go of who are not fully serving you right now?  Has someone needed to create space and you're feeling all of your fears of rejection and abandonment coming up?  I invite you to dive into those feelings--what are those fears trying to tell you that you need to give to yourself? What nurturing activities can you do on your own to bring you into your groundedness? And finally, what are the gifts that could come out of letting go and taking space...for both you and the other person?

 With Much Love,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,  

and Singer-songwriter

www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Receving As a Spiritual Act

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

This past Saturday, I embarked on what is in many ways the most vulnerable journey that I've ever taken, and it has caused me to think a lot about my own beliefs and what I perceive to be our collective beliefs regarding both giving and receiving. 

As a Life Coach, I spend a lot of time mentoring my clients in how to receive.  Let's face it: giving feels good.  It brings us joy.  We get to feel the warm fuzzies of making someone else's day better.  It gives us a sense of validation and worth.  When looking for quotations on this topic I found loads and loads of statements along the lines of, "He who gives is the golden child and deserves all of our love and adoration."  But what about receiving?  To open ourselves to communicate our needs, to allow ourselves to breathe in goodness, to fully own a compliment, to set boundaries for ourselves, to indulge in something that feels nurturing--these things all feel pretty darn scary to ask for, vulnerable, self-centered, you name it, and it certainly was challenging to find quotations that PRAISE receiving, barring our friend Nietzsche the Nihilist, quoted above.  Isn't it the humble thing to shirk off a compliment, to decline help when it is offered?  And God forbid one should be allowed to actually ASK for what one needs!  Yikes!

Yes, it is true that when giving talks about cultivating joy in our lives, I invite people to approach their lives from a place of service, but I ALSO, invite people to take time to acknowledge themselves, to set healthy boundaries, to RECEIVE, to honor the truth of who they are.  The truth is that giving and receiving are not separate actions at all--they are a part of the larger ebb and flow of existence.  We cannot have one without the other, and we cannot have JOY without embracing both equally in our lives.  We cannot breathe out without breathing in, and vice versa.

"Should not the giver be thankful that the receiver received? Is not giving a need? Is not receiving mercy?" ~Nietzsche

I love this quotation because it points to both giving and receiving as necessary acts--we need to give just as much as we need to receive, and when we don't allow ourselves to fully receive, we rob the giver of this need.  Here is a recent story from a friend of mine that powerfully illustrates this:

"My younger son gave us some of his money yesterday and I took it and my husband refused. Then I got [my husband] to see that he should also gratefully take it. Then my son tried to give his older brother 5 bucks when he came home and the older one would NOT accept. And it made the younger one CRY. It was so sad. Yes, in failing to receive we fail the joy of the giver as well."

In receiving we give, and in giving, we receive--this little boy understands this, perfectly.

Yes, this past Saturday I embarked on one the most vulnerable journeys of my life thus far--I started an online fundraising campaign for my debut CD, "Be a Light."  In the days since, I have felt isolation, shame, guilt, and my self-talk has been a fascinating array of judgments that reflect all of these feelings.  I have boldly and courageously thrust myself into the role of receiver, and in this culture that praises givers, it has been a lonely place to live.  And yet, I am growing, learning and simultaneously feeling more and more worthy to ask for what I need everyday.  I realize now that fundraising has become a spiritual act for me--an opportunity to dive into these feelings and recognize that I am part of this larger ebb and flow, and that I am worth communicating my needs fully.  I give of myself everyday as a giver, nurturer, and supporter of dreams.  Now, it is my turn to open up and be a receptacle--to breathe in so that I can breathe out my musical goodness more fully into the world.  As scary as this all is, I am proud of myself for boldly asking for support, and I hope that in my vulnerability, I might inspire others to do the same.

Click here to watch an amazing video and learn more about my fundraising journey:http://www.indiegogo.com/BeALightCD

With Much Love and Gratitude,

:)Melissa Simonson
Astrology Coach, Inspirational Speaker,

and Singer-songwriter
www.igniteyourvoice.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Say "YES!" to saying "NO!" :)

 

"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough." ~ Josh Billings

I found myself honored recently when a friend told me that she felt comfortable asking me for help because she trusted that I would say "no" if I didn't want to or was unable help.  This simple statement meant a lot to me and illustrates a powerful truth: When we honor ourselves and others with boundaries, we create ease, freedom, and comfort in our relationships.  My friend knew that she could trust me to be honest, that by asking me for help, I would not make myself uncomfortable in order to please her.  She felt free knowing that I am able to take responsibility for my own self-care, and she also felt really grateful upon receiving my "yes," knowing that it was heartfelt and sincere.

Every time that we say "yes" when we really mean "no," we are undermining our inherent worth.  We are saying, "I am not worthy of honoring what I want and what feels good to me.  If I want your love, I need to do something or be something that I am not."  Oh, silly Ego--always trying to tell us that we're not enough.  The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH!  The truth is, there is nothing that any of us ever has to do or be other than what feels nurturing to us.  When we honor this truth, we discover the beautiful, abundant, overwhelming power of self-love, TRUE love.  Every time that we jump through hoops in hopes to gain love and approval, we keep that love and approval at arms length--we are saying that love is something outside of us that we do not already possess within.  We do not serve anyone, ourselves or others, by dishonoring our internal "no."  Instead, we are merely giving our power away in our attempt to please.


The irony is that in all of our efforts to please, we are actually placing a lot of responsibility and burden on those that we care about.  My friend found freedom and comfort in my ability to say "no" because she didn't have to worry about whether or not I was feeling uncomfortable, harboring resentments, or going to have hidden expectations--she knew that she didn't have to be anything but simply grateful.  By practicing self-care on a regular basis, I gave her the space to practice her own self-care.  By setting healthy boundaries in my relationships, I am tapping into the love that is at my core and my "yes" can come from an internal space of feeling full--my kindness is able to come forth simply because I have love to give.  No neediness, no hidden expectations--by honoring my boundaries, I've become my own kind of high-powered love generator, with plenty to give and little need for outside maintenance. :)  


In what ways might you find yourself saying, "yes" when you really mean, "no?"  Whether it be your boss, your spouse, your best friend, your children, or the person you've just met, it can be so easy to find yourself slipping into this all-so-human pattern to please.  What are some of the positive ways that these relationships would start to shift by simply honoring your inner truth?  How would you feel about yourself if you practiced saying, "no" more often?  As always, I hope that you delight in what you find. 


©2010 Melissa Simonson

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Astrology Coach, Speaker, and Singer/Songwriter, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.