The Wisdom in our Wounds

Today, I'm going to write about a not-so-little asteroid called Chiron, how it has shaped my life, and why it is one of the main astrological points that I explore with my clients when sharing the wisdom of their birth chart.  Chiron or Kheiron, gets its name from a Greek myth about a Centaur who was a great teacher and healer and also an immortal god.  At one point in Chrion's story, he is accidentally wounded by a venomous arrow, and the poison is so powerful that despite his immortality and great ability as a healer, he is unable to heal himself. 

In Astrology, Chrion is known as the "Wounded-Healer" asteroid and it not only points to our deepest emotional wound that we spend our whole life trying to heal, but it also points to our unique gift to the world.  As we grow in our suffering, we gain wisdom and compassion enough to heal others who are also suffering.  The more we understand this woundedeness, the more that we can come to a place of loving acceptance about ourselves and be a force for good in the world.  

In my birth chart, Chiron is in Taurus and at the very end of the 2nd house, which is actually calling in the energy of the 3rd house of Communication.  Chiron in Taurus gave me an overall sense of lack and unworthiness as a child, along with a feeling of scarcity regarding love and material security.  I could never have too many pretty things, and I often felt a void before needing to buy another thing. I also developed crushes on boys at a young age and always dreamed of being loved in return. Partnered with the energy of the 3rd House, I had a bit of a lisp and a stutter, and while I longed to be heard, I would always feel deeply exposed when it was my turn to talk. Inside, I was deeply eloquent, but every time I opened my mouth I felt like I had to prove myself.  At home, my temper would flare when I didn't feel heard or understood, and it would always make things worse--no one wants to listen to someone who is screaming and throwing things at them.  The louder I yelled, the more invisible I became.

Then there was the time in H.S. when I was voted "Most Talkative Female" and one classmate suggested that it was because "I never shut-up." (sigh....High School). So, what some folks would simply interpret as being considered a sign of sociability, struck my wound of never feeling like I could get it right in the communication department. In my early 20's there was also the boyfriend who just before I met his parents made sure to tell me not to "talk too much" as we approached the door, and even though his friends expressed how much they loved me when I met them, he made sure I knew that I talked too much then, too. Thank God for all that I learned from that junk...which included and was certainly not limited to making sure I no longer dated assholes.

Here's the fun part: It is no coincidence that I grew up to be a life coach committed to helping others build their sense of self-worth in order to find and confidently express their unique voices in the world. It is no coincidence that after all of the years of feeling like I have something important to say, that "miss talkative," is now an accomplished public speaker who people enjoy listening to. It is no coincidence that I love to write and that I find it healing to share my truth in both song and written word.  Yes, If I were to live only from my woundedness, I would be a boy-chasing, shopaholic who only wants to be heard. (At times in my life, I've been all of these). The good news is that I've also discovered the wisdom in my wounds, AND these wounds have made me beautiful, unique and magnificent.  By understanding my woundedness and developing coping skills to heal and nurture myself, I developed amazing skills that allow me to help others heal everyday. AND as I help my clients heal, I heal 10-fold.  This is Chiron's gift in our lives.

What is the wound that you are here to heal, and how has it shaped you into the magnificent person that you are today? Rather than trying to "fix" these parts of yourself, in what ways can you further embrace your wounds and gain wisdom from them?

Something that was big for me this week was choosing to post the above picture on my FB wall--it occurred to me that I've never actually made fun, in a loving way, while claiming this part of myself.  The truth is, I was born talkative, and I will die talkative (hopefully not mid-sentence, but you never know...:). What if I simply claim and LOVE myself for this part of me rather than always worrying that I'm somehow "too much?" Some people love this about me and some probably don't--I figure that I might as well be one of the lovers. :)

If you would like support in better understanding the wisdom of your wounds and to learn where Chiron is in your chart, I would love to help you with this! You can contact me  to schedule a consult: thejoydiva@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you as you discover and speak your truth for all to hear.

Much Love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Gratitude in Unlikely Places...

"...And so I'll thank the past, say YES! to possibility, let love be my guide, and surrender to the mystery..." ~ From my song Changing

As we shift out of the intense Scorpio energy that, for some of us, created countless opportunities to let go, to surrender what has been for what can be, I can think of no better time to have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks.  It is, of course, easy to give thanks when life is flowing with ease, and we are not forced to let go of things that we perhaps want to hold onto to. I've come to learn, however, that it is in times of loss, of stepping into great unknowns, when it is the most crucial that we seek out the reasons to give thanks.  It is only from that place of thanks that we are capable of seeing all that we gain in times of loss.

Scorpio's energy has helped us to go to the core, to get in touch with what's left when we strip away what's no longer working for us.  It is an opportunity to discover how amazing and capable that we are, and how abundant that life is, even when we are in the midst of "losing." In my case, it was letting go of ideas of who I am, particularly in my romantic relationships to other people and letting go of a lot of ways of thinking that were holding me back from deeper intimacy with myself and others.  I always find myself going through big transformations during Scorpio's stay--it's not always comfortable, and this year because Saturn was also crossing over my natal Pluto (which rules Scorpio), I was pretty much brought to my knees.  I was quite miserable for a few weeks, and I'm already reflecting back to begin discovering how important and truly positive that experience has been and will be for my life moving forward.

As Sagittarius dashes in, I find myself more able to integrate and understand the higher purpose for all of that transformation, and I am ready for the journey, the adventure, as I invite in what's next.  It is only natural for me to pause and give thanks for all that I've gained through my recent experiences of loss.  That is really what loss is about--it is an opportunity to gain so much more than we ever started out with.  Even just the experience of coming back to equilibrium after feeling the boat rocking about amidst a stormy sea makes me want to shout a little "Hallelujah!" Or a really loud one. AMEN! :)  

So, as you pause this Thursday to give thanks, I invite you to reflect on all that you've gained amidst Scorpio's stormy shifts in these past couple of months.  What do you gain in times of discomfort and scary unknowns?  What do you gain from grief, from times of unexpected loss (whether or not than loss is real or perceived)?

What better experience can you have then to come out of turbulent times to realize that you are truly blessed?

Here's a link to my song Changing off of my upcoming album Be a Light, to help us close out Scorpio and welcome in Sagittarius: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11016176

Thank you for all the ways that you are a blessing.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

When Saturn Meets Pluto: "I Must Transform"

One thing that makes me tremendously grateful that I'm an Astrologer is that when I feel like I've been hit upside the head with a big cosmic two by four, I can take a look at what transits are currently interacting with my chart to help me come to a deeper understanding of what's unfolding.  I've found myself overcome with grief and the green-eyed monster, jealousy, for the past few days, and it's been painful, and had me going, "What the HECK is going on with me?!" It's like my mind caught some sort of auto-immune disease and has gone into overdrive attacking itself.  My usual ability to shift pain and challenges with ease has completely eluded me, and when that happens, I know that I am going through some MAJOR growing pains in my process of becoming.

Sure enough, I'd completely forgotten that transiting Saturn is crossing over my natal Pluto right about now. For those of you going, "Wha?" in response to that, never fear! I will explain. I call Saturn the "Tough Love Planet" because it forces us to come down to earth, to face what is not working in our lives, so that we can create that which truly sustains us.  Saturn causes a break down in the structures that we've created in our lives that are not truly serving us, and creates obstacles that are meant as opportunities for growth.  Saturn also gives us the building blocks to create new beliefs and structures that will truly serve us in achieving deep fulfillment in our lives.  Depending on where Saturn is in your chart, Saturn is saying, "I love that you want that great relationship, that great job, to feel like you belong, to be a good communicator, etc., and here is the long list of things that you must endure so that you can learn what you need in order to have that." Saturn is loving us every step of the way through its boundaries and conditions so that we can find what it means to be TRULY free and accepting of all of life--not just living in an illusion of freedom in la-la land.

It was my Saturn return (Saturn came back to the same place that it was when I was born) in the last year that took my marriage-bound relationship and dismantled everything that I thought I new about relationships and commitment. I was left seeing the many illusions that I had created and the ways in which that relationship was no longer serving me on my path.  It was shocking and painful beyond words.  I felt betrayed by God, by life, by myself--I found myself thinking, "If this relationship won't work, this relationship that at one time seemed to be all that a relationship SHOULD be, then what's the frickin' point of being in love or in relationships at all? Will I ever GET IT?" I grieved deeply the end of passion in my relationship, and had to witness my partner grieve as he also was brought to his knees by the reality that faced us.  

Slowly as I honored my inner voice and separated myself from that relationship that I'd held so dear (and still do), I began to feel liberated.  I began self-care practices that I'd never been able to commit to in the past.  I started to face all of the things that had once terrorized me...on my own, standing tall.  I started to get REALLY clear on why my relationship didn't work and what I did to contribute to that. I started to fall in love with myself and love the company that I keep in the quiet moments. It is because of my Saturn placement, which is here to help me master what it means to be committed to myself first, that I am so good at helping other women do the same.

So here I am, having had a kick-ass, dynamic year, having felt amazing on my own...and guess what?  The growth work is SO not over.  A deeper growth cycle is being stirred up further as Saturn passes over my natal Pluto.

To better explain Pluto, here is a great description from Molly Hall on About.com:

"In the birth chart, Pluto shows the area of life where you'll personally face the intense powers of creation and destruction. It's the doorway through which volatile compressed pockets of self, spirit and primal energy lies hidden, which are released either by our own efforts or by provocation from the outside world.

Pluto's energy will not be suppressed but its power is often feared. This can put you in a showdown between your greatest fears of being destroyed, and the pursuit of the deepest longing in your heart. The Ego holds to its defenses, but Pluto tries to urge you to let go, and surrender to become a new person.

Pluto rules Scorpio with its province being death and rebirth. There's a Sufi saying, "Die many times before you die," and Pluto's lessons hold out promise of emerging from the flames a new person. When chaotic events shake us at the foundations, it could be Pluto provoking change at the fundamental level. We might not think we exist without the ground beneath us, our sense of who we are, but if we're brave, we come to discover there is life after this kind of ego-death."

So what happens when Saturn passes over Pluto? Well in my case, all of the grieving that I thought I had done about that former relationship has been reignited with a blow torch.  A few weeks ago, I had to ask my former partner to stop contacting me after receiving an array of emails and texts that were at times deeply cruel and blaming. Back in June, I asked that we take space for a couple of months, knowing that grief takes time to process and needing the space to grow and stretch on my own. I also saw how much that he was struggling to shift into the new form of our relationship and feeling a lot of pain from our interactions. He initially agreed to take that space and even requested it himself earlier on...to then compromise on this agreement again and again as his own sense of loss overcame him.  I saw things in him that I had over-looked before, and I was deeply hurt by the ways he could take things that I'd shared in vulnerable confidence and twist them to spit them back in my face.  As hard as I tried to not allow those words to affect me, the truth is, I was deeply hurt, disappointed, and it is hard for me to know what to believe or trust in my relationship with him. *Sigh*...break-ups suck.  I don't hold these things against him, and I know that these behaviors do not solely define him.  I also reached a point where it became clearer to me that being friends right now would simply not be possible for me.  I've worked a lot with the belief that says, "I need his understanding." My heart wants him to understand, to to just love me, to see my good intentions, and the larger truth is that it is ME who needs to give myself those things, not him--there is nothing that he could give me at this point that I do not already have.  That becomes a little bit easier to own every day.

Three weeks later after asking him to stop contacting me, I've discovered that he is likely with someone else.  And here it is, the height of my Saturn/Pluto conjunction.  All of the Plutonic emotions have come up--the anger, the jealousy, the deep sense of loss, the desire to cling to old forms of security, the depression that follows.  But here's the deal: as I tell my clients all of the time and believe FIERCELY in my own life, we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives.  This experience--that has had me bawling my eyes out, questioning my choices, longing for my former partner, questioning his choices, feeling hatred toward the new person in his life, feeling hatred toward him, feeling hatred toward myself (hatred toward self and others are, of course, one in the same)--this experience is loving me up.  I am coming into a strength and power that my mind can't even fully dream of just yet.

As all of these Plutonic emotions are forcibly dredged up, I am receiving the opportunity to fall in love with myself more deeply, to LOVE even the dark underbelly of my existence that has previously caused me feelings of great shame.  Saturn is connecting with Pluto to help me shine in all of my realness.  I cannot choose these thoughts that have hijacked my brain, but I can question them and learn from them and choose how I react.  I can treat myself with utmost kindness and gentleness as I witness my mind going to places that scare me.  I can resist or I can surrender.  I'm learning more deeply what it means to surrender.  I could not be "The JoyDiva" without this.  Eventually, I will be able to feel a more constant flow of love for my former partner and anyone he chooses to spend his time with.  In the meantime, I am walking hand-in-hand with self-forgiveness, everyday.  As Pluto's dark waves wash over me from the inside out, I am being cleansed.  I am healing.  I am discovering my wholeness.  I am birthing myself anew. Blessed be!

With Love and Gratitude for ALL THAT IS,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson