Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about the challenges, rewards, the what's and the how's of trusting in Life's mysterious unfoldings as we co-create our lives. If you didn't catch that one you can take a look here. This week, I want to address another aspect of trust: trust within our relationships.

I hear it all of the time. I've uttered these words. You've uttered these words. "I don't know if I can TRUST him/her." "I'm looking for someone I can TRUST." "You broke my TRUST." One of the biggest misconceptions in our relationships with other people and ultimately, in our relationship with ourselves, is the notion that we can place trust in other people, and that it's reasonable to expect that you will "never let me down."

When I find myself saying "I don't trust you," what I'm really reflecting is a lack of trust for myself and in our beautiful. loving Universe. You, oh dear beautiful soul whose thoughts and actions are way out of my control (thank goodness), can just go on being you and doing your thing because well, it's your job to be you and do your thing. If you're human, like me, you have probably hurt or disappointed people before despite your amazingly good intentions, and you've probably been hurt and disappointed in return. And that is just it: when we enter relationships with the expectation that we will never do anything to hurt or disappoint one another we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. As long as I enter my relationships from a place of expectation that you will do and be who I want and "need" you to be, I'm setting myself up for a very interesting and not always fun ride.

So, if I can't trust you, and you can't trust me, then who the heck can we trust?! Before we go growling at each other and letting our hair stand up on end, I have exciting news: My job is to trust me, and your job is to trust you. What does that mean? It means that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, if you stay or if you go, I know that I can handle it. If I fear abandonment, then I know that what I really want, deep down, is that I never leave myself, that I listen to and act in accordance with my inner voice, that I choose to be honest with both you and me, and that I make all kinds of yummy time to love and be kind to myself.  My soul longs for me to know that the Universe is a kind and loving place that is always providing me with exactly what I need--even when it appears that you are not.

When we enter our relationships from this place of trust, knowing that we are loved by every process unfolding and that we can meet ourselves from a place of love, respect, presence and care, we release each other from the burden of being anything other that who we already are. That's when the love flows in and we discover more juicy goodness than we ever could have imagined with our measly, expecting minds. We discover and create the freedom that comes with true acceptance. So much better than crazy attempts at mind-control, no?

Your assignment: I invite you to notice the ways in which you can feel fear and mistrust in your relationships. Now, I invite you to turn it around and take a gentle look at yourself. In what ways are you being someone you can't trust? In what ways do you "leave" or hurt yourself sometimes? What are some ways that you can strengthen your sense of trust in yourself? 

Nurturing self-love is my dealio, so if you would like some support and need some objective help in seeing those places that you're not loving and trusting so much in yourself (we all need this help sometimes), I would LOVE to create a safe space for us to discover and create together. Contact me at anytime to schedule a free consult. AND if you read this and find that you have a specific question for me--go ahead and submit your question to my Ask the JoyDiva™ blog. You get to be anonymous to readers AND partner with me in sharing goodness.

Much love to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out.  I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered.  But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/  We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day.  His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush.  I get it.  Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter.  Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer.  Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know.  I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day.  Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.  

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :) 

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO.  Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Feeling Abundant Amidst the Struggle

Toward the end of the week, I am scheduled to give a talk entitled "Joy is an Inside Job" at a local professional woman's networking group.  This is all fine and good, but if you were to check in with the loved one who stayed up late with me on the phone last night (Thank you!)...he could clue you in on my overwhelm, and the pain I've experienced in some crucial aspects of my life recently.  Someone once asked me what I would do if I was scheduled to give a talk on joy when I'm not feeling particularly joyful in my own life...last night, my answer would have been: Ugggggghhhhh.

It is the heart of winter in Madison, WI, single digit temperatures and not a lot of daylight.  With the dawning of 2010, I've found myself more exhausted than energized, feeling like I'd rather crawl under a rock than set a dynamic vision for the year to come.  This is actually not unusual for me at this time of year...all of the expectations around the New Year feed this insatiable voice inside of my head that's soul survival depends on my willingness to believe that I will be a failure, no matter how hard I try.  Overwhelming moments like this in my life are clear indicators that it is time to ignite MY voice again.  Somewhere along the way, I've begun to tune her out, and today, it was time to listen.

I decided to bundle myself up and go for a long walk in the Aldo Leopold Nature Center near my home.  I spent an hour there, listening to the snow crunching beneath my feet, looking at the tracks, and standing still while listening to the immense silence that winter emanates.  It was then, that I heard my voice, my consciousness underneath all of the chatter, and as tears welled up in my eyes here is what came to me:

I've come to notice that when I'm feeling intense sadness, fear, joy or gratitude I always cry--whether I'm feeling despair or immense joy, my body seems to respond in very much the same way. It is an outpouring of emotion, an overflow, an abundance of feeling. When I've thought about abundance, it is easy to think that some experiences constitute abundance and others do not, that we are only abundant when we are feeling joyful and not when we are feeling sad. But the truth is LIFE is abundant, every last moment of it. My overwhelming pain can be an example of this just as well as my joy is an example. My tears are a reminder of this. Even when I think that I have nothing left to give, my tears remind me of the abundance that flows up from the core of my being. When I remember that I AM abundant at all times, then even in my emptiest moments I can recognize glimpses of joy through my tears of pain.

As much joy as I can get from speaking about it and assisting others in discovering their joy, I have to remember sometimes that I've come to this life philosophy because I've allowed myself to feel ALL of life.  So what am I going to share in my talk at the end of the week?  I'm going to tell them the truth:  That early in the week I felt overwhelmed by life, and in my overwhelm, I dug in to find something beautiful.  I am going to share how I found joy, and tapped into abundance when it was the last thing that I was feeling.  Life is constantly showing me that darkness and light exist simultaneously.  Today, amidst the stark cold of winter, I found my own light by delving into the darkness.

©2010 Melissa Simonson 

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.