Feeling Abundant Amidst the Struggle

Toward the end of the week, I am scheduled to give a talk entitled "Joy is an Inside Job" at a local professional woman's networking group.  This is all fine and good, but if you were to check in with the loved one who stayed up late with me on the phone last night (Thank you!)...he could clue you in on my overwhelm, and the pain I've experienced in some crucial aspects of my life recently.  Someone once asked me what I would do if I was scheduled to give a talk on joy when I'm not feeling particularly joyful in my own life...last night, my answer would have been: Ugggggghhhhh.

It is the heart of winter in Madison, WI, single digit temperatures and not a lot of daylight.  With the dawning of 2010, I've found myself more exhausted than energized, feeling like I'd rather crawl under a rock than set a dynamic vision for the year to come.  This is actually not unusual for me at this time of year...all of the expectations around the New Year feed this insatiable voice inside of my head that's soul survival depends on my willingness to believe that I will be a failure, no matter how hard I try.  Overwhelming moments like this in my life are clear indicators that it is time to ignite MY voice again.  Somewhere along the way, I've begun to tune her out, and today, it was time to listen.

I decided to bundle myself up and go for a long walk in the Aldo Leopold Nature Center near my home.  I spent an hour there, listening to the snow crunching beneath my feet, looking at the tracks, and standing still while listening to the immense silence that winter emanates.  It was then, that I heard my voice, my consciousness underneath all of the chatter, and as tears welled up in my eyes here is what came to me:

I've come to notice that when I'm feeling intense sadness, fear, joy or gratitude I always cry--whether I'm feeling despair or immense joy, my body seems to respond in very much the same way. It is an outpouring of emotion, an overflow, an abundance of feeling. When I've thought about abundance, it is easy to think that some experiences constitute abundance and others do not, that we are only abundant when we are feeling joyful and not when we are feeling sad. But the truth is LIFE is abundant, every last moment of it. My overwhelming pain can be an example of this just as well as my joy is an example. My tears are a reminder of this. Even when I think that I have nothing left to give, my tears remind me of the abundance that flows up from the core of my being. When I remember that I AM abundant at all times, then even in my emptiest moments I can recognize glimpses of joy through my tears of pain.

As much joy as I can get from speaking about it and assisting others in discovering their joy, I have to remember sometimes that I've come to this life philosophy because I've allowed myself to feel ALL of life.  So what am I going to share in my talk at the end of the week?  I'm going to tell them the truth:  That early in the week I felt overwhelmed by life, and in my overwhelm, I dug in to find something beautiful.  I am going to share how I found joy, and tapped into abundance when it was the last thing that I was feeling.  Life is constantly showing me that darkness and light exist simultaneously.  Today, amidst the stark cold of winter, I found my own light by delving into the darkness.

©2010 Melissa Simonson 

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? No problem!--as long as you use this entire blurb with it: As an Inspirational Speaker, Joy Coach and Spiritual Astrologer, Melissa Simonson sees it as her life's work to be an authentic expression of her inner truth, and to assist others in being the same. Melissa creates a space of fun and acceptance as she invites her clients to discover the extraordinary within their everyday lives. By asking powerful questions and bringing the spiritual down to earth through her own stories, she helps individuals realize that joy and abundance are not impossible to obtain, but rather a birth-right that we can realize at any time. Visit www.igniteyourvoice.com to learn more.