"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take it."

I found myself journaling this morning and coming up on some fear around a big decision. "What if I make the wrong choice?" said the voice in my head. In my five years of coaching clients one-on-one, this is one of the most common questions that rears its head as my clients try to make decisions, as well. The mind says, "There is a right choice and a wrong choice, and you better not mess up." Oh, the pressure! The truth is that when it comes to choosing along our life's journey, we can't actually make a wrong choice.

One of my favorite quotations that I've been reflecting on a lot lately is that of Yogi Berra: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." In our search for joy and fulfillment, we can paralyze ourselves with thoughts of "right turn, wrong turn." The irony is that it is our INACTION that ends up leaving us feeling stuck in a dreary ditch, not a "wrong turn."

I want you to imagine for a moment that God/Universe/Spirit/Source is like a GPS system. You set the intention, the destination, and you are infinitely supported in getting there. What happens when you make a "wrong turn?" Your GPS system recalculates to help you arrive at your destination. So really, you didn't take a wrong turn, you simply took the scenic route. 

Just like a GPS system, the Universe is with us every step, supporting us along the way--our inner "yes's" and "no's" help us to know how on track that we are. If we choose something that ends up not feeling quite right, the Universe helps us recalculate until we find something that does. We are never truly off-path, just going through some twists and turns. We are loved by every process that unfolds and never abandoned.  It is only when we stop and turn off the engine, or choose not to act when hitting that fork in the road, that we keep ourselves from our destination. AND rather than finding happiness at the END of the road, we discover that taking action itself creates a deep sense of fulfillment, no matter which way we turn.

One way to work through the fear so that you can take action is to dialogue with it. When I was journaling this morning, my dialogue looked something like this:

Fear: I'm afraid you are going to make the wrong choice.

Consciousness: Thank you so much for always looking out for me. Can you tell me more about what you mean by a "wrong choice?"

Fear: I'm afraid that you will be unhappy and that you will fail in what you set out to do.

Consciousness: I hear you. The thing is that in all of your protectiveness, I'm not actually feeling very happy. Is there a way that we can work together so that we can ensure my success?

Fear: It would make me feel better if you were clear about where you want to go and had a plan.

Consciousness: What a great idea! That makes me feel very grounded. I'm going to get really clear by breaking my goal down into tiny steps right now....

This process of dialoging with my fear gave me a wonderful insight into the ways that even my fear was trying to love me, and I followed up that dialogue with a great plan of action that left me feeling grounded and clear on how to achieve my goal. 

In what ways have you found yourself paralyzed by your fear of making a "wrong choice?" I would love nothing more than to support you and celebrate you as we create a plan for you to step beyond your fear and take action on the things that matter most to you. Contact me at thejoydiva@gmail.com to schedule a free consult. 

In the meantime, I invite you to celebrate each and every step that you take (especially the little ones)--they all count!

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out.  I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered.  But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/  We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day.  His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush.  I get it.  Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter.  Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer.  Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know.  I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day.  Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.  

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :) 

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO.  Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Everything I do has to be perfect...Is that true?

Today I write from the place of asking myself, "Why am I SO stressed out?!"  Sometimes, I can find myself slipping into these unidentifiable bouts of anxiety and overwhelm, and I literally feel as if even the air around me is adding weight to my tired shoulders.  

Yes, I have A LOT going on right now--I tend to juggle a lot of "jobs" in one and have many upcoming deadlines to meet while I embark on constant new territory. Yes, on the outset, this can clearly be causing stress, but when I scratch beneath the surface, I see something deeper going on here. It's one thing to be busy doing a lot of things that I love--that's just joyous to me, and is not inherently stressful, even if I'm quite busy.  It's another thing entirely when I take a look at all of the self-talk that is accompanying all of this busy-ness.  It's the self-talk that is making the air around me feel heavy and is giving me this general sense of dread as I approach of these tasks. It's the self-talk that in it's desire to keep me from failing is making me feel like a failure before I even begin!

I've been playing a lot lately with "The Work" of Byron Katie. Katie teaches us that we create suffering for ourselves when we unconsciously believe our thoughts. I love all that I do with JoyDiva™--my one-on-one coaching, sharing my music, retreats, teleclasses, and the many other things I do as I earn a living and beyond. What causes me suffering is when I start to believe the thought in my head that everything I do has to be "perfect," that there are hundreds, THOUSANDS of people counting on me to get it right, and I'm simply going to disappoint all of them. Yikes!  Heavy stuff isn't it? Who the heck can have a good time doing what he or she "loves" while buying into to all of that painful banter?! I know I certainly am not.

The fun part is that I've had a moment of enlightenment. I've caught myself in the act of sabotaging myself, and now, I have the opportunity to question those thoughts and discover what REALLY is true. Katie teaches us how to question our thoughts by asking 4 questions and a turnaround. Here's what that looks like when I question my own thought, "Everything that I do has to be perfect":

1) Is that true?

Well, no, it's not true, even though it FEELS like it is true right now. No one has ACTUALLY said to me in my life that I have to be perfect. No one in my life has actually SAID to me that I'm a disappointment or have disappointed them (well, barring my mom when I was 16 and intentionally breaking my curfew to hang out with some guy...but that's another story. :)

2) Can I absolutely know that it's true?

No, I cannot--there are plenty of circumstances in which I've experienced it not being true.

3) Who am I, how do I react, when I believe that thought?

I'm frickin' stressed out! I hold back from saying how I really feel. I'm heavy and serious instead of my usual playful, happy self. I take what people say or don't say personally because I believe that they are judging me and that blocks intimacy in both personal and professional relationships. I am mistrusting and struggle to receive when people give me positive feedback. My mind is so constantly consumed with "trying to do the 'right' thing" that I can hardly even enjoy the moment. I feel like it's not ok to be ME.

4) Who would I be without that thought?

Holy Moly! I would feel so free! I would be open and sharing and I would dive into new things with total abandon. When I have a lot of work to do, I would simply get to work and enjoy the process. I would let myself take breaks and feel satisfied with what I create. When I perform, I would laugh at myself when I "make a mistake." I would be playful and real. I would simply be ME. It would be incredibly liberating.

The next step is what Katie calls a "Turnaround." If I were to turn the thought, "Everything that I do has to be perfect," that might look like:

1) Everything that I do is already perfect. Is that true?

Yes, in many ways it is!  "Perfect" doesn't ACTUALLY exist, so when I am being me and doing what I love, and even when it's really messy--ESPECIALLY when it's messy, that is exactly what it needs to be for all involved.  When I allow whatever needs to unfold in the moment simply to unfold, it is unfolding in the perfect right time for exactly the right people, including myself.

2) Everything that other people do has to be perfect. Is that true?

Yes, in some ways it is when I think about the high expectations that I can have of my loved ones. When I believe that I have to be perfect, I can put a lot of pressure on the people around me to do the same. I can project my own self-loathing onto the people who I love in my life when I see them not saying and doing what I want them to. I make this thought true with my high expectations.

3) Everything that I do does not have to be perfect. Is that true?

Yes! It is very true. I feel so much happier when I am simply being myself and being loving toward the people around me. The truth is that my clients, fans, friends and family members love me EVEN more when I am not trying so hard to be perfect--the best part is that they love me know matter what. I can even remember someone coming up to me after a gig and telling me how much she loved a song that I played when I made a mistake and giggled at myself--she said that it made it more real, and more beautiful.  

And so, there you have it: This thought that I've been buying into, that has been causing me all of this suffering and stress is not actually true. It is liberating, and comforting to make this realization, AND I feel WAY less stressed out. Whew! I'm grateful to myself for taking the time to walk through this thought exercise and incredibly grateful to Byron Katie for sharing her wonderful work in the world. Now I can go eat and truly enjoy my lunch. :)

To learn more about Byron Katie, her books, and programs, visit: http://www.thework.com/index.php

If you are looking for a coach with realness and humor to help you cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself, I would be honored to explore that with you. As I continue on my self-love journey, I love nothing more than helping other women see themselves as the completely loveable, perfectly imperfect beings that they are...and to help them CELEBRATE in that fact.  


Oh Yes, and before I go eat my lunch...:), I want to make sure that you know about the FREE JoyDiva™ Celebration call that is happening next week--If you like what you found in this blog, I've got even more goodies to share with you on the call: 

First FREE JoyDiva Celebration call Date and Time: Thursday, October 6, 7pm Central / 8pm Eastern. (This first call will be 30 minutes in length.)

 Sign up here: http://eepurl.com/fWD89

Love and Blessings to you.

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson