Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about the challenges, rewards, the what's and the how's of trusting in Life's mysterious unfoldings as we co-create our lives. If you didn't catch that one you can take a look here. This week, I want to address another aspect of trust: trust within our relationships.

I hear it all of the time. I've uttered these words. You've uttered these words. "I don't know if I can TRUST him/her." "I'm looking for someone I can TRUST." "You broke my TRUST." One of the biggest misconceptions in our relationships with other people and ultimately, in our relationship with ourselves, is the notion that we can place trust in other people, and that it's reasonable to expect that you will "never let me down."

When I find myself saying "I don't trust you," what I'm really reflecting is a lack of trust for myself and in our beautiful. loving Universe. You, oh dear beautiful soul whose thoughts and actions are way out of my control (thank goodness), can just go on being you and doing your thing because well, it's your job to be you and do your thing. If you're human, like me, you have probably hurt or disappointed people before despite your amazingly good intentions, and you've probably been hurt and disappointed in return. And that is just it: when we enter relationships with the expectation that we will never do anything to hurt or disappoint one another we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. As long as I enter my relationships from a place of expectation that you will do and be who I want and "need" you to be, I'm setting myself up for a very interesting and not always fun ride.

So, if I can't trust you, and you can't trust me, then who the heck can we trust?! Before we go growling at each other and letting our hair stand up on end, I have exciting news: My job is to trust me, and your job is to trust you. What does that mean? It means that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, if you stay or if you go, I know that I can handle it. If I fear abandonment, then I know that what I really want, deep down, is that I never leave myself, that I listen to and act in accordance with my inner voice, that I choose to be honest with both you and me, and that I make all kinds of yummy time to love and be kind to myself.  My soul longs for me to know that the Universe is a kind and loving place that is always providing me with exactly what I need--even when it appears that you are not.

When we enter our relationships from this place of trust, knowing that we are loved by every process unfolding and that we can meet ourselves from a place of love, respect, presence and care, we release each other from the burden of being anything other that who we already are. That's when the love flows in and we discover more juicy goodness than we ever could have imagined with our measly, expecting minds. We discover and create the freedom that comes with true acceptance. So much better than crazy attempts at mind-control, no?

Your assignment: I invite you to notice the ways in which you can feel fear and mistrust in your relationships. Now, I invite you to turn it around and take a gentle look at yourself. In what ways are you being someone you can't trust? In what ways do you "leave" or hurt yourself sometimes? What are some ways that you can strengthen your sense of trust in yourself? 

Nurturing self-love is my dealio, so if you would like some support and need some objective help in seeing those places that you're not loving and trusting so much in yourself (we all need this help sometimes), I would LOVE to create a safe space for us to discover and create together. Contact me at anytime to schedule a free consult. AND if you read this and find that you have a specific question for me--go ahead and submit your question to my Ask the JoyDiva™ blog. You get to be anonymous to readers AND partner with me in sharing goodness.

Much love to you!

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Trust: That Scary 5-Letter Word

Trusting, having faith--let's face it: our lives would be filled with peace and ease if we could have perfect faith, if we could completely trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good of all concerned at every moment. But faith cannot exist without doubt, trust without mistrust. This is part of the beauty of our human existence--it is this balance of opposites, and in holding the tension that they create, that we discover the goop that makes life abundantly rich and rewarding. But how do we strike this balance when it seems that fear and mistrust can so easily dominate the picture?

I've found myself going through an important growth spurt lately, discovering myself ready to start embracing my career as an inspirational songstress more fully and ready to re-enter the world of romantic partnership. With these unfolding discoveries comes a range of emotions--there is excitement and a sense of magic around the possibilities that lie around the bend, a sense of grounded determination for the work that I must do to birth the next chapter of my life, and then there is the fear and overwhelm and the thoughts of "when?" and "how?" that keep trying to come in and crash the party. 

Through the past 5.5 years of coaching clients and growing leaps and bounds myself, I've discovered that fear, anxiety and overwhelm are great indicators that we've gotten way too far ahead of ourselves and are swimming in the murky depths of our unknown future. When the scales tip and I'm suddenly drowning in a sense of overwhelm and feeling paralyzed to take action in the direction of my dreams, the best thing that I can do is bring my attention back to the baby steps that lie right in front of me. How can we trust that our actions will lead us to something good? Taking action on things that make us come alive IS the trust itself, and that trust only grows the more that we take action on those things that inspire us.

Ok, so you've taken inspired action and nothing is happening...yet. What the heck are you supposed to do in the meantime? How do you know that you are doing ENOUGH? I will tell you that the answer definitely does not exist in doing more stuff. If you've followed inspiration and planted seeds, now is the time to put your attention elsewhere while looking forward to the opportunities that will pop up when you least expect them to. (That's the part that makes life so dang magical!) If you haven't noticed already, you can't force a flower to grow, and the same goes for creating our lives. The other way that we actively practice trust is through taking a rest when our heart needs a rest.

Lately, I've been letting myself take more breaks and giving myself all kinds of room to be inspired. When I'm inspired, then I take all kinds of action and work my booty off. When I'm not inspired, I read good novels, I play, I take naps. When I tune into my own rhythms, I tune into the flow of the Universe, and trust just isn't so much of an issue. Right now, there are a lot of unknowns. I'm releasing some beliefs that have been limiting me and that feels really vulnerable...and also more freeing. I'm tuning in regularly and following that sense of freedom, and I know in my heart that God loves my joy and freedom just as much as I do...and my trust in that awareness grows every day that I learn to honor the ebb and flow of inspiration.

Do you have some big dreams that are really exciting and really scary? Feel free to contact me and we'll talk about it--we'll have you taking baby steps in no time. :) You can also ask me your juicy questions at my Q&A blog: http://askthejoydiva.com. I love answering your questions!

Much love & happy dreaming. :)

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are!

Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here: www.joydiva.com

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

Risking It All: The Messy Path of Creativity

A friend asked me recently to share about my creative process. How did I get to this point in my life where I've created my own unique form of  Astrology Coaching, I'm writing songs and performing, creating workshops, products and programs and pretty much making up my career...and my life...as I go? What are some tools that I utilize to tap into and unleash my creativity? At first, I was at a bit of a loss to answer this question..."I color in my free time?" (as in, in coloring books...) was my initial response. :/ Far from satisfied with my answer, I've been reflecting a lot on my creative process in the weeks that have followed that conversation, and here's what I've been discovering.

Let's face it: Life in all of it's miraculous wonder can be scary shit sometimes. The risk of failure appears to loom large around every corner. There is rejection, and heartbreak, and disappointment, and loss, and grief...and then more grief, and then a little bit more. The creative process looks at all of these thoughts about life, all of the painful experiences and the scary unknowns, loves them up, transforms them, and then, breathes new life.  

The concept of "failure" doesn't actually fit into the vocabulary of the creative process, because well, creativity is, um, a process. :) Creativity isn't something that you get "right"--it's something that you practice at again and again and again. It's a journey. Far from being about arriving at some destination, creativity is a way of life. It is about diving into the muddiness head first and getting really, really messy. The creative process requires us to take the path that isn't safe, that could hurt a little bit...or a lot...in order to discover great joy. It asks that we leave our comfort zones checked at the back door and embrace a life of feeling all of our feelings...diving into grief, and despair, and longing, and joy and wonder, living through those feelings and discovering the beauty that exists in every corner of our existence. Yes, when I write a song, when I ACTUALLY finish a song, there is a sense of arriving at a destination. I feel a deep sense of gratitude and completion for what I have birthed into the world. But the song is not actually done until I love it, until it feels like a true authentic expression of what I'm trying to share, and even then, it is just one step along my continual process of becoming.

I choose not to live my life safely. I've had my heart broken, I've been financially destitute, I've felt deeply alone and deeply connected. The specifics of my own creative journey are mine and mine alone--you do not have to become financially destitute in order to be creative, for example (that was really just poor planning on my part and a great topic for another day...;), but in order to create, we do have to surrender what we know for what we are about to discover. In order to create a new horizon, I've had to risk walking away from the one I've known in order to create the next one. People might think I'm fearless, which can only make me laugh. Courageous, yes. Fearless...I don't think so.

I've learned to make my fear a tool for creation. When I choose to question my fear and to understand it, my fear can become my greatest ally in the process. Once I understand all that I am afraid of and what is so scary about moving forward, I've tapped into what is real. For me, once I get to the truth and I get really honest and real with myself, that is when I'm "plugged in" and the creative juices are really flowing. It takes courage to face, question and then befriend our fears--the days when I'm willing to do that are usually the days when I create something beautiful.

Other things that I've learned:

1) I have to make a lot of time to observe life, to listen to my inner voice and simply be. (This is where taking time to color comes in, as well as regular journaling, taking walks, sitting in cafes, drawing forth wisdom from my goddess cards, allowing myself to have days with no agenda, etc.) When I'm busy doing all of the time, living in a state of mental distraction, I become closed off from inspiration. The first step in creation is for us to become receptacles, conduits for the Universe/God/Spirit/Source to fill us up and ignite our inner voice, the longing within us to birth something uniquely ours. The second step is to then willingly take the risk to walk (or in some cases, leap) toward that longing.

2) The act of creation is not actually a solo effort. We co-create every aspect of our lives with this beautiful Universe in which we are a part. Creativity requires that we take the risk to grow in our sense of trust that we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives. It requires that we let go of our need to be in control in order to discover that we are constantly cradled by all of existence. Along this same line, it is crucial that we fill our lives with people who we love and love us, who nurture us and make all kinds of space for us to show up fully as we are. It is so important that we have relationships in our lives that we can plug into and both receive and feel useful. Part of opening ourselves up for inspiration means that we are choosing to share who we are honestly in the world and taking the risk to become truly connected to the people around us. Love and Truth in all of their forms are the life-blood of creativity.

3) Feeling all of our emotions can scare us and make us feel "off balance" at times, but that's the beauty of life. Just like our bodies are constantly working to maintain homeostasis, the Universe is doing the same. Allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel puts you in balance with the larger flow of existence. It is in this flow that the magical process of creativity happens. Getting "off-balance" on our path to deeper fulfillment is far from being off-balance with the flow of life.

4) Taking really good care of myself--taking care of my body with good food and exercise and sleep, honoring my inner "yes's" and "no's" in my relationships, being flexible and giving myself all kinds of permission to honor my internal rhythms--is crucial in feeling confident enough to take leaps into the creative unknown. Taking yummy, good care of myself is like preparing the soil to plant and harvest my beautiful garden.

5) The biggest challenge to creativity is the human mind--I can get hugely in my own way with thoughts of "right" vs. "wrong," "good" & "bad." What I'm creating is certainly something that I hope will be of loving benefit to the world, but I can get stopped in my tracks when I start thinking about, "what others will think." If I like what I've created then I know it's exactly what it needs to be. If you find yourself getting all blocked up for fear of not being good enough, be honest with yourself and use that fear as a tool...journal about it, seek to understand what is so scary and use that fear as fuel for your creation. Again, what is most important is that YOU feel glorious about your own creation. Allow yourself to relish in that. My song "Mr. Shame" is a good one that addresses a lot of this stuff: 

K, that's enough for now. Many blessings to you as you continue to create your wild, messy, and deeply satisfying lives. If you need help getting out of the way of your creative process...shoot me an email, and we'll talk about it. :)

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take it."

I found myself journaling this morning and coming up on some fear around a big decision. "What if I make the wrong choice?" said the voice in my head. In my five years of coaching clients one-on-one, this is one of the most common questions that rears its head as my clients try to make decisions, as well. The mind says, "There is a right choice and a wrong choice, and you better not mess up." Oh, the pressure! The truth is that when it comes to choosing along our life's journey, we can't actually make a wrong choice.

One of my favorite quotations that I've been reflecting on a lot lately is that of Yogi Berra: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." In our search for joy and fulfillment, we can paralyze ourselves with thoughts of "right turn, wrong turn." The irony is that it is our INACTION that ends up leaving us feeling stuck in a dreary ditch, not a "wrong turn."

I want you to imagine for a moment that God/Universe/Spirit/Source is like a GPS system. You set the intention, the destination, and you are infinitely supported in getting there. What happens when you make a "wrong turn?" Your GPS system recalculates to help you arrive at your destination. So really, you didn't take a wrong turn, you simply took the scenic route. 

Just like a GPS system, the Universe is with us every step, supporting us along the way--our inner "yes's" and "no's" help us to know how on track that we are. If we choose something that ends up not feeling quite right, the Universe helps us recalculate until we find something that does. We are never truly off-path, just going through some twists and turns. We are loved by every process that unfolds and never abandoned.  It is only when we stop and turn off the engine, or choose not to act when hitting that fork in the road, that we keep ourselves from our destination. AND rather than finding happiness at the END of the road, we discover that taking action itself creates a deep sense of fulfillment, no matter which way we turn.

One way to work through the fear so that you can take action is to dialogue with it. When I was journaling this morning, my dialogue looked something like this:

Fear: I'm afraid you are going to make the wrong choice.

Consciousness: Thank you so much for always looking out for me. Can you tell me more about what you mean by a "wrong choice?"

Fear: I'm afraid that you will be unhappy and that you will fail in what you set out to do.

Consciousness: I hear you. The thing is that in all of your protectiveness, I'm not actually feeling very happy. Is there a way that we can work together so that we can ensure my success?

Fear: It would make me feel better if you were clear about where you want to go and had a plan.

Consciousness: What a great idea! That makes me feel very grounded. I'm going to get really clear by breaking my goal down into tiny steps right now....

This process of dialoging with my fear gave me a wonderful insight into the ways that even my fear was trying to love me, and I followed up that dialogue with a great plan of action that left me feeling grounded and clear on how to achieve my goal. 

In what ways have you found yourself paralyzed by your fear of making a "wrong choice?" I would love nothing more than to support you and celebrate you as we create a plan for you to step beyond your fear and take action on the things that matter most to you. Contact me at thejoydiva@gmail.com to schedule a free consult. 

In the meantime, I invite you to celebrate each and every step that you take (especially the little ones)--they all count!

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Visit my Q&A blog and get your Life, Relationship and Spiritual Questions answered:  www.askthejoydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

The Wisdom in our Wounds

Today, I'm going to write about a not-so-little asteroid called Chiron, how it has shaped my life, and why it is one of the main astrological points that I explore with my clients when sharing the wisdom of their birth chart.  Chiron or Kheiron, gets its name from a Greek myth about a Centaur who was a great teacher and healer and also an immortal god.  At one point in Chrion's story, he is accidentally wounded by a venomous arrow, and the poison is so powerful that despite his immortality and great ability as a healer, he is unable to heal himself. 

In Astrology, Chrion is known as the "Wounded-Healer" asteroid and it not only points to our deepest emotional wound that we spend our whole life trying to heal, but it also points to our unique gift to the world.  As we grow in our suffering, we gain wisdom and compassion enough to heal others who are also suffering.  The more we understand this woundedeness, the more that we can come to a place of loving acceptance about ourselves and be a force for good in the world.  

In my birth chart, Chiron is in Taurus and at the very end of the 2nd house, which is actually calling in the energy of the 3rd house of Communication.  Chiron in Taurus gave me an overall sense of lack and unworthiness as a child, along with a feeling of scarcity regarding love and material security.  I could never have too many pretty things, and I often felt a void before needing to buy another thing. I also developed crushes on boys at a young age and always dreamed of being loved in return. Partnered with the energy of the 3rd House, I had a bit of a lisp and a stutter, and while I longed to be heard, I would always feel deeply exposed when it was my turn to talk. Inside, I was deeply eloquent, but every time I opened my mouth I felt like I had to prove myself.  At home, my temper would flare when I didn't feel heard or understood, and it would always make things worse--no one wants to listen to someone who is screaming and throwing things at them.  The louder I yelled, the more invisible I became.

Then there was the time in H.S. when I was voted "Most Talkative Female" and one classmate suggested that it was because "I never shut-up." (sigh....High School). So, what some folks would simply interpret as being considered a sign of sociability, struck my wound of never feeling like I could get it right in the communication department. In my early 20's there was also the boyfriend who just before I met his parents made sure to tell me not to "talk too much" as we approached the door, and even though his friends expressed how much they loved me when I met them, he made sure I knew that I talked too much then, too. Thank God for all that I learned from that junk...which included and was certainly not limited to making sure I no longer dated assholes.

Here's the fun part: It is no coincidence that I grew up to be a life coach committed to helping others build their sense of self-worth in order to find and confidently express their unique voices in the world. It is no coincidence that after all of the years of feeling like I have something important to say, that "miss talkative," is now an accomplished public speaker who people enjoy listening to. It is no coincidence that I love to write and that I find it healing to share my truth in both song and written word.  Yes, If I were to live only from my woundedness, I would be a boy-chasing, shopaholic who only wants to be heard. (At times in my life, I've been all of these). The good news is that I've also discovered the wisdom in my wounds, AND these wounds have made me beautiful, unique and magnificent.  By understanding my woundedness and developing coping skills to heal and nurture myself, I developed amazing skills that allow me to help others heal everyday. AND as I help my clients heal, I heal 10-fold.  This is Chiron's gift in our lives.

What is the wound that you are here to heal, and how has it shaped you into the magnificent person that you are today? Rather than trying to "fix" these parts of yourself, in what ways can you further embrace your wounds and gain wisdom from them?

Something that was big for me this week was choosing to post the above picture on my FB wall--it occurred to me that I've never actually made fun, in a loving way, while claiming this part of myself.  The truth is, I was born talkative, and I will die talkative (hopefully not mid-sentence, but you never know...:). What if I simply claim and LOVE myself for this part of me rather than always worrying that I'm somehow "too much?" Some people love this about me and some probably don't--I figure that I might as well be one of the lovers. :)

If you would like support in better understanding the wisdom of your wounds and to learn where Chiron is in your chart, I would love to help you with this! You can contact me  to schedule a consult: thejoydiva@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you as you discover and speak your truth for all to hear.

Much Love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2012 Melissa Simonson

"I can't know everything until I've learned it!"

Yesterday, which happened to be a Monday in Mid-December, I found myself standing in line with 63 packages of CD's that needed to have postage put on them and be sent out.  I was nervous to get up to the front because people just kept piling in behind me. I have a little bit of a phobia when it comes to being that person who is holding up the line for everyone else--I feel all of the impatience coming at me and my shame and guilt voice pops into my mind and gets me all flustered.  But, alas, I had to be that person yesterday, and after 3 months of planning, followed by 2.5 months of fundraising, 6 months of being in the studio recording this album, and 3 solid days of signing and packaging all of the pre-orders, I was not going to apologize for being in that damn line! :)

Alas, I got to the front of the line, and the gentleman behind the counter looked at me and said in a most exasperated voice, "You mean, these don't even have postage on them, yet?!" I looked at him and attempted a smile and said in a hesitant voice, "No?" :/  We figured out the cost of most of the packages, he gave me a whole bunch of stamps and sent me off to do it myself, which was fine--I had the time, and he was clearly at his stress limit for the day.  His reaction was far from personal--he was probably thinking of all the other people standing in line, just as I was, REALLY wanting to get off of his feet and be pretty much anywhere but standing behind that counter amid the holiday mail rush.  I get it.  Still, I wanted to cry.

I found myself sitting in my car putting stamp after stamp on these padded envelopes feeling like I did something wrong and thinking about how next time I have a big order to mail out, I'll figure out costs in advance and have everything in order and buy stamps in advance, etc, so as not to stress out the person behind the counter.  Today, I went back to mail just 3 packages, and that same person who used to be conversational with me ducked out for a smoke break just as I was going to be his next customer.  Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. It's not my job to know.  I truly do feel compassion for post office workers everywhere--anyone who's stood behind a busy customer service counter all day long knows how much it can suck.

One way or the other, I found myself having a conversation with a friend today hashing over these details, and the following statement came flowing out of my mouth which made us both pause and have a good laugh: "I mean, I CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE I'VE LEARNED IT!" One of the most overwhelming obstacles for me and the clients who I work with is this thought, "I don't know enough in order to take action." It stems from an underlying thought that is completely silly when you think about it, which is "I'm supposed to know everything" or "Everyone always knows more than me." The truth is, that we never really know until we get our butt out there and try, and sometimes we are met with people who want to take us by the hand and help us out, and sometimes we are met with dudes behind the post office counter looking at us like we are idiots who are ruining their day.  Either way, we learn exactly what we need at the perfect right time in order to be who we are and do what we need to do.  

It's not my job to know everything, and life is way more interesting when I'm learning around every corner. (Plus, as much as I love being kind and considerate, it's also not MY JOB to always be anticipating and accommodating everyone else--I had a right to take up space at that post office just as much as the next person...but that's a blog for another day...:) I look over this past year of amazing, life-changing accomplishments, and none of them would have been possible if I didn't just put one foot in front of the other and trust that all of the knowledge and wisdom I would need along the way would reveal itself at the perfect right time. And guess what? I have been completely and utterly supported along the way by life's beautiful learning process, plus I got all of those packages sent out, too. :) 

So, I didn't get the approval of the postman--who the f@#$% cares? :) Life is about playing and getting messy and experiencing and growing and LEARNING AS WE GO.  Believe me, it's so much better that way.

Want a loving space to take risks and learn while you do it? Need the support of someone who will make you feel genuinely loved up and celebrate your learning with you--and show you your magnificence when your busy beating yourself up? Email me here for a free consult and we can chat about all of the ways that we can create something truly fun and nurturing for you. Let's not know some things together! ;)

Much Love,

:)Melissa

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Making Dreams Actually Happen...

This week, I celebrate the completion and sharing of my very first album, "Be a Light." I have tears in my eyes as I write this because this is perhaps the first moment that I've been able to pause and actually breathe this reality in. This week, on Thursday to be exact, I am officially celebrating the fulfillment of what is likely the biggest dream of my life so far. It is emotional for me--I've been so busy behind the scenes, pulling all of the strings, putting one foot in front of the other in order to make this happen. Now that I have a moment to pause from all of my "doingness," it's beginning to sink in what big deal that this is. It feels good, and vulnerable, and a little scary--like I'm looking over a precipice, preparing to leap into the next chapter of my amazing life.

One thing that has become clear to me through the years is that it is often the soul path stuff, the choices that align most fully with our soul purpose, that scare us the most.  We place the most mental obstacles before those big dreams, in part because the journey toward achieving those dreams is meant to transform us just as much as the lives we touch along the way, and change is a little bit exciting and a whole lot of scary for a lot of us. Are there ideas that you have that seem like they would be AWESOME and also have a lot of "I can'ts" or "It's not really possible because...." thoughts attached to them? Chances are pretty good that walking those paths is exactly where your deep fulfillment lies--even amidst all of the scary unknowns and fears of utter failure.

I've been singing since before I could form complete sentences. I have tapes of myself beginning around 7 years old singing my favorite childhood songs, and I can remember the hours I would spend recording myself and playing it back and re-recording until it sounded exactly the way I wanted it to. By the age of 10, I had the lead in our school musical and I remember being so nervous that I refused to shower before the performance (yes, I totally went through the, "I don't like to shower" phase as a child). I had so many beliefs that it was OTHER people who get the good parts that I was unconsciously practicing a little self-sabotage when I finally had my moment.  I still don't like watching the video of that performance...:)  

As the years went on, my love of singing and performing only grew, but it still didn't feel easy on the inside.  By the time I was in high school, I was getting some of the good parts and the solos and I started trusting in my voice and my ability.  Then of course, I was singled out by my classmates, people made up stories about how much better than everyone else that I thought I was, and there were times when I just wanted to hide from it all--and there were many days when I did.  This voice of mine has been both a profound blessing and a curse--as all true gifts are.  This really has not been a lifetime for me to hide anymore--despite the voice screaming in my head to blend in, blending in is not what my life purpose is about.

Following high school, I took a step back from music.  Despite my choir director's urging, I chose not to major in music because I didn't feel I was good enough or that it was practical enough (sigh...sound familiar?). I majored in psychology instead, which I am incredibly grateful for, and don't regret for a moment.  My heart knew that classical vocal training wasn't the path for me, and instead I began cultivating my other life passion--supporting and empowering others.  I knew that music could always be a part of my life, and I'm glad that I chose the way that I did.  I LOVE my astrology coaching practice and I get to see my clients grow in confidence and love for themselves everyday--it is beyond excellent to experience.

Following college, I got back into music through some local musical theater opportunities.  Despite my previous successes, I entered those auditions with intense self-doubt and feeling that I wouldn't actually get the parts that I wanted.  At every new level, these feelings of self-doubt have traveled with me, and the funny thing is that I often DID get the part. Then when I'd get the big role that I wanted, I would be so nervous that I was going to be a complete failure...ahhhh...the way that I torture myself. :)

In the Fall of 2006 I started my coaching practice and taking guitar lessons.  The coaching practice unfolded with a bit more ease than the guitar lessons, and often my guitar would just sit there as I thought about how terrible that I was and how I was never going to learn how to play the darn thing.  I slowly started writing songs in 2007 but carried that same self-doubt with me--and this time, it was really intense, because being a singer-songwriter and a recording artist seemed like the ultimate dream to me my whole life.

It was not until May of 2008 when I was coaching a client and asked the question, "If you could attempt one thing knowing that you could not fail, what would it be?" that it really dawned on me that I needed to give myself a kick in the behind and start pursuing my music.  The last thing that I wanted was to be the inauthentic coach helping others achieve their dreams while quietly loathing myself for not pursuing mine.  Slowly, but surely, I started picking up my guitar again, and I started writing songs.  A year later, I started playing out, here and there, but playing guitar in front of people was the most nerve-wracking thing for me--it still is, but it gets easier every time I do it.  Think: walking naked on a tight rope in front of a large group of people, and you can get an idea of how nervous I can get.  In 2010, I was approached to give my first 2-hour show.  Aaaaaahhhh!  Thanks to my motto at that time..."Say 'yes' now, and freak out later," I said yes, and before I had the chance to freak out, I reached out to the man who is now my musical partner, Joe Harris.  Joe is an amazing guitar player. A. MAZ. ING. I'm thankful everyday that I get to partner with someone as talented as he is, and he actually LIKES playing with me.  Go figure. :)

Then the big question came: People want me to record an album.  I want me to record an album.  How the hell am I going to do that?!  In December of 2010, a dear friend of mine said something to me that set me in motion up to this very moment that I write.  He said, "You talk about recording an album and re-branding your business, but you never actually say, I'm going to do these things by such and such a date." When I stopped to think about it, I realized that I was terrified to commit because I had NO idea how I was going to get the money...the funny part is, that wasn't even really true.  When I took the time to think about it, to face the fear, I knew exactly how I could get the money: a friend had already told me about crowd-funding sites like Kickstarter and IndieGoGo.  So really, creating "Be a Light" came down to making the decision to just make it happen.  The next day I emailed recording studios, and the moment that I stepped into Paradyme Productions and met Jake Johnson, my heart sang.  I knew that he was the person I wanted to produce my album.  He gave me a cost estimate and I set the fundraising wheels in motion.

In May, I successfully raised $5000 and began recording in June.  I then managed, with a fair amount of ease, to fund the rest of the project myself, and six months later I am here, waiting for the phone call to go and pick up my CD's.  I still get nervous about performing.  I have loads of self-doubt about the future, and I'm also excited.  I'm smart enough now to know that I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this soul path of mine, and I know that there will be blessings around every turn.  My life could end tomorrow, and I could say that I have lived my life fully moment to moment, that I have lived authentically and with purpose--let's hope it doesn't actually end tomorrow, however, because I've got a lot more to do, a lot more to share, and a lot more to celebrate with all of you. :)

Do you find yourself, overwhelmed with that negative voice in your head that tries to keep you from shining YOUR light fully in the world? Click here to listen to my song, "Mr. Shame." I wrote it for you. :)  You can also now pre-order your very own copy of "Be a Light" with FREE shipping until 12/8 here.

If you ever want support in facing your fears and creating a life that is deeply rewarding for you and those around you, do not hesitate to contact me and set-up a free intro. session to explore all of the ways that we can work together to make that happen for you!
 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  Life is just so richly good.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

Gratitude in Unlikely Places...

"...And so I'll thank the past, say YES! to possibility, let love be my guide, and surrender to the mystery..." ~ From my song Changing

As we shift out of the intense Scorpio energy that, for some of us, created countless opportunities to let go, to surrender what has been for what can be, I can think of no better time to have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks.  It is, of course, easy to give thanks when life is flowing with ease, and we are not forced to let go of things that we perhaps want to hold onto to. I've come to learn, however, that it is in times of loss, of stepping into great unknowns, when it is the most crucial that we seek out the reasons to give thanks.  It is only from that place of thanks that we are capable of seeing all that we gain in times of loss.

Scorpio's energy has helped us to go to the core, to get in touch with what's left when we strip away what's no longer working for us.  It is an opportunity to discover how amazing and capable that we are, and how abundant that life is, even when we are in the midst of "losing." In my case, it was letting go of ideas of who I am, particularly in my romantic relationships to other people and letting go of a lot of ways of thinking that were holding me back from deeper intimacy with myself and others.  I always find myself going through big transformations during Scorpio's stay--it's not always comfortable, and this year because Saturn was also crossing over my natal Pluto (which rules Scorpio), I was pretty much brought to my knees.  I was quite miserable for a few weeks, and I'm already reflecting back to begin discovering how important and truly positive that experience has been and will be for my life moving forward.

As Sagittarius dashes in, I find myself more able to integrate and understand the higher purpose for all of that transformation, and I am ready for the journey, the adventure, as I invite in what's next.  It is only natural for me to pause and give thanks for all that I've gained through my recent experiences of loss.  That is really what loss is about--it is an opportunity to gain so much more than we ever started out with.  Even just the experience of coming back to equilibrium after feeling the boat rocking about amidst a stormy sea makes me want to shout a little "Hallelujah!" Or a really loud one. AMEN! :)  

So, as you pause this Thursday to give thanks, I invite you to reflect on all that you've gained amidst Scorpio's stormy shifts in these past couple of months.  What do you gain in times of discomfort and scary unknowns?  What do you gain from grief, from times of unexpected loss (whether or not than loss is real or perceived)?

What better experience can you have then to come out of turbulent times to realize that you are truly blessed?

Here's a link to my song Changing off of my upcoming album Be a Light, to help us close out Scorpio and welcome in Sagittarius: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11016176

Thank you for all the ways that you are a blessing.

Much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

The stories that shape our lives...

Today is the first snowy day that we've seen here in Madison, and skimming down my Facebook newsfeed, I can't help but laugh at the variety of reactions to Mother Nature doing her thing. They range from: "Gah! Driving will suck today!" to "Ok enough with the blizzard outside. I really dislike winter..." to "Snow...what snow? It's 70 and sunny outside, you must have been mistaken. *begin denial now*" to "So not ready for this!" to "SNOW!! (please tell me I'm not the only one excited about this...) :D" to "*gasp!* It's here! and it's beautiful!!! Yaaaaay!" So many stories and so many different experiences shaped by those chosen stories--guess which people are having a good time today and which folks are floundering a bit? 

Me? I'm sitting in one of my favorite cafes sipping a warm chai latte as the beautiful sleet falls outside the big picture window next to me. I feel cozy and grateful for this moody weather and how it connects me with my inner wisdom. I can't think of any other way that this moment could be more complete. Why would I choose to rob myself of this delicious experience by creating a different story? Why on earth would I do anything but seek to embrace this happening weather, which, by the way, happens to be way out of my control?

If you find yourself suffering through your day, the first place to check is your story. Are you resisting what is? Are you choosing to swim up a stream of negativity when all you have to do is go with the flow? Even the little, seemingly unimportant, things like how you react to the weather add up to shape our larger experience. 

One of my favorite stories that I've chosen to make the foundation of all that I do and experience is that "I'm loved by every process unfolding in my life." Over these past few weeks, I've been blogging about an intense grief process that I've been going through. Last week, I surrendered to it. I let myself get attached to certain outcomes, I got really mad at one point, then I got depressed, and then I let it go. I was able to surrender to that process because of my trust that I was being loved by that experience. I've chosen over this past month to seek the opportunity, the growth, and even the "feel good moments" amidst my grief. Today, I write from a place of deep, grateful breaths for this unfolding process. I am at peace.  Here are just a few of the glimmers that I've discovered as I've sought the ways that this grief process is loving me:

1) I am not alone, even when I think that I am. There are amazing angels in my life, both seen and unseen who have my best interest at heart.

2) I've needed more balance in my life--I was swinging into hyper-autonomous mode, which has been awesome, and I also know that I need to reach out and connect with more people right now.

3) I've discovered another layer to my relationship growth path. I've been blessed to have some really healing conversations with my former partner and to begin a new friendship with him--all of which would not have happened if events had unfolded differently. We've rediscovered lightness in our relating that had previously stopped existing amidst the suffocating circumstances of our partnership. I'm learning more deeply what it means to be independent and a good partner at the same time, and that I'm very capable at both. I'm witnessing a new layer of what it means for ME to be in a committed relationship, and I'm opening myself to what that could look like in the future.

4) My Saturn/Pluto Conjunction is teaching me about surrender in a way that I never thought possible. I've witnessed countless thoughts and beliefs that I've clung to that have caused me great pain. I'm learning to let those go, and new thoughts and ideas that serve me greatly are flooding in.

5) I've discovered how healing it is, and helpful to other people, when I share so boldly about my dark and scary moments. I've gained more confidence as I've honored my need to share. This experience has given me so many goodies through which I can even more fully serve my clients that it brings tears of joy to my eyes to think about.

The truth is that I am blessed. We all are. When we stop resisting that which is out of our control and seek the love instead, we open ourselves to receive that blessing fully. My grief has been painful and a blessing, and now I'm readying myself to be born anew when the time is right.  

In the meantime, I'm loving this weather.  How about you?

With much love,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

 

When "Spiritual" isn't cutting it...

"God dwells within you...as you. God's not interested in watching a performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves. The quiet girl who glides silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile...who is that person? It's Ingrid Bergman in "The Bells of St. Mary's" – not me. God dwells within me...as me."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Being an Astrology Coach and often referred to as a "Spiritual Life Coach," I can easily fall into a trap of feeling like I have to somehow "rise above" my humanity, that it's "my job" to seek the good in all people and situations. Much of the time, I am pretty good at that. I do get a lot of the ways to create my joy, and I live a pretty joyful existence. I can feel a lot of balance, peace and gratitude in my daily life.

But here's the deal: No matter what I do for a living, it is not my job to be spiritual. It is my job to be me...real, messy, learning, growing, struggling, striving and sometimes thriving...me. This goes for all of us, actually. What I see so often in myself and in the people I'm blessed to support is this sense like we "should" know better. We think we are "better than" our anger, or hurt, or jealousy or fear. We find ourselves taking things personally or being upset with someone and we say, "The loving thing, the spiritual thing, would be to simply do the work, question our thoughts, to release our fear, do the forgiveness thing, to be kind and loving, and let it go. Yes, this is a beautiful approach to life and relationships, and sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a break. In order to get to the forgiveness part and the loving kindness part, I have to own that this junk I'm feeling in the moment is real and it's not going anywhere until I'm real right along with it.

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with some intense grief as I go through my own death and rebirth cycle with a significant relationship in my life and ultimately, with my relationship that I have with myself. I have felt so many emotions and I've vigilantly questioned my thoughts and revealed to myself places that I've been creating an unhealthy story. I've been like a bounty hunter for limiting thoughts that are causing my suffering, blasting through them to find what's true. I find myself today still processing this grief and when thinking about blogging, I thought, "I can't STILL be writing about my grief! I should be over this by now! What's wrong with me?! I'm a Spiritual Life Coach, for goodness sake!" My ego self seems to think that being a Spiritual Life Coach makes me something other than human, me thinks. :) The truth is that whether I were in the line of work that I am or not, I would still be hard on myself in this way.  Should's and ought's and woulda-coulda's seem to find a way of creeping in no matter who we are and what we do.

Today I'm doing more to make peace with my grief. I've put away my AK-47, seeing as how it's been exhausting being a spiritual vigilante on this mission to liberate my mind. Yes, I have all kinds of tools, and I've learned a lot as I've pulled them out in an effort to nurture myself. Now, I'm making peace with thoughts of anger and jealousy. I'm making peace with the part of me that has been resisting this whole process and telling me how I should be feeling and acting. I could argue with reality or I could just be real. There have been times that I don't feel like seeing the good in this situation or in certain people. There have been times when I've been a blubbering, snotty mess. I've placed love outside of myself. I've held my breath hoping that certain outcomes that are out of my control would magically be IN my control. I've been afraid. I've struggled to see the big picture. I've felt completely out of balance. I've felt completely UN-spiritual.  And guess what? It is in that space that the growth-work is happening. 

I've been thinking a lot about one of my favorite books and favorite films lately, Eat, Pray, Love. Liz Gilbert's journey through Italy, India, and Spain, completely capture my life's work to nurture my relationship with myself and help others do the same. I've been single since January and LOVING my growth and loving how balanced and happy that I've felt. Then the grief came and I found myself questioning if everything that I've learned has been for nothing, if that sense of balance was an illusion. There is a particular quotation from the movie that comes to mind to me right now. Liz is so upset with herself because she has fallen in love and gotten completely out of balance with herself. She goes to her teacher, Ketut Liyer, and expresses to him her fear that she is losing herself in love, and this is what he says to her: "To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." I would go so far as to say that to lose balance for any aspect of life is part of living a balanced life. So here I am, feeling out of balance and completely un-spiritual--and I'm actually right where I need to be, in balance with all that is.

By surrendering my need to stop myself from trying to control outcomes--even as I've seen myself creating suffering for myself--I lean into the greater balance. I've created much more suffering for myself in times of trying to be spiritual instead of just letting all the nitty, gritty, catty parts of me show their head. Make no mistake, I am still doing my best to curb the destructive nature of these emotions--I'm not burning buildings or destroying lives, no hate mail has been sent. I'm also not beating myself up so much when I think or feel things that my spiritual self would otherwise deem as "base." Grief sucks, fear sucks, and here I am. I love myself more because I know how hard I work at being good. I love myself because I am human.  

It feels good to simply breathe that in.

With Great Thanks,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson

When Saturn Meets Pluto: "I Must Transform"

One thing that makes me tremendously grateful that I'm an Astrologer is that when I feel like I've been hit upside the head with a big cosmic two by four, I can take a look at what transits are currently interacting with my chart to help me come to a deeper understanding of what's unfolding.  I've found myself overcome with grief and the green-eyed monster, jealousy, for the past few days, and it's been painful, and had me going, "What the HECK is going on with me?!" It's like my mind caught some sort of auto-immune disease and has gone into overdrive attacking itself.  My usual ability to shift pain and challenges with ease has completely eluded me, and when that happens, I know that I am going through some MAJOR growing pains in my process of becoming.

Sure enough, I'd completely forgotten that transiting Saturn is crossing over my natal Pluto right about now. For those of you going, "Wha?" in response to that, never fear! I will explain. I call Saturn the "Tough Love Planet" because it forces us to come down to earth, to face what is not working in our lives, so that we can create that which truly sustains us.  Saturn causes a break down in the structures that we've created in our lives that are not truly serving us, and creates obstacles that are meant as opportunities for growth.  Saturn also gives us the building blocks to create new beliefs and structures that will truly serve us in achieving deep fulfillment in our lives.  Depending on where Saturn is in your chart, Saturn is saying, "I love that you want that great relationship, that great job, to feel like you belong, to be a good communicator, etc., and here is the long list of things that you must endure so that you can learn what you need in order to have that." Saturn is loving us every step of the way through its boundaries and conditions so that we can find what it means to be TRULY free and accepting of all of life--not just living in an illusion of freedom in la-la land.

It was my Saturn return (Saturn came back to the same place that it was when I was born) in the last year that took my marriage-bound relationship and dismantled everything that I thought I new about relationships and commitment. I was left seeing the many illusions that I had created and the ways in which that relationship was no longer serving me on my path.  It was shocking and painful beyond words.  I felt betrayed by God, by life, by myself--I found myself thinking, "If this relationship won't work, this relationship that at one time seemed to be all that a relationship SHOULD be, then what's the frickin' point of being in love or in relationships at all? Will I ever GET IT?" I grieved deeply the end of passion in my relationship, and had to witness my partner grieve as he also was brought to his knees by the reality that faced us.  

Slowly as I honored my inner voice and separated myself from that relationship that I'd held so dear (and still do), I began to feel liberated.  I began self-care practices that I'd never been able to commit to in the past.  I started to face all of the things that had once terrorized me...on my own, standing tall.  I started to get REALLY clear on why my relationship didn't work and what I did to contribute to that. I started to fall in love with myself and love the company that I keep in the quiet moments. It is because of my Saturn placement, which is here to help me master what it means to be committed to myself first, that I am so good at helping other women do the same.

So here I am, having had a kick-ass, dynamic year, having felt amazing on my own...and guess what?  The growth work is SO not over.  A deeper growth cycle is being stirred up further as Saturn passes over my natal Pluto.

To better explain Pluto, here is a great description from Molly Hall on About.com:

"In the birth chart, Pluto shows the area of life where you'll personally face the intense powers of creation and destruction. It's the doorway through which volatile compressed pockets of self, spirit and primal energy lies hidden, which are released either by our own efforts or by provocation from the outside world.

Pluto's energy will not be suppressed but its power is often feared. This can put you in a showdown between your greatest fears of being destroyed, and the pursuit of the deepest longing in your heart. The Ego holds to its defenses, but Pluto tries to urge you to let go, and surrender to become a new person.

Pluto rules Scorpio with its province being death and rebirth. There's a Sufi saying, "Die many times before you die," and Pluto's lessons hold out promise of emerging from the flames a new person. When chaotic events shake us at the foundations, it could be Pluto provoking change at the fundamental level. We might not think we exist without the ground beneath us, our sense of who we are, but if we're brave, we come to discover there is life after this kind of ego-death."

So what happens when Saturn passes over Pluto? Well in my case, all of the grieving that I thought I had done about that former relationship has been reignited with a blow torch.  A few weeks ago, I had to ask my former partner to stop contacting me after receiving an array of emails and texts that were at times deeply cruel and blaming. Back in June, I asked that we take space for a couple of months, knowing that grief takes time to process and needing the space to grow and stretch on my own. I also saw how much that he was struggling to shift into the new form of our relationship and feeling a lot of pain from our interactions. He initially agreed to take that space and even requested it himself earlier on...to then compromise on this agreement again and again as his own sense of loss overcame him.  I saw things in him that I had over-looked before, and I was deeply hurt by the ways he could take things that I'd shared in vulnerable confidence and twist them to spit them back in my face.  As hard as I tried to not allow those words to affect me, the truth is, I was deeply hurt, disappointed, and it is hard for me to know what to believe or trust in my relationship with him. *Sigh*...break-ups suck.  I don't hold these things against him, and I know that these behaviors do not solely define him.  I also reached a point where it became clearer to me that being friends right now would simply not be possible for me.  I've worked a lot with the belief that says, "I need his understanding." My heart wants him to understand, to to just love me, to see my good intentions, and the larger truth is that it is ME who needs to give myself those things, not him--there is nothing that he could give me at this point that I do not already have.  That becomes a little bit easier to own every day.

Three weeks later after asking him to stop contacting me, I've discovered that he is likely with someone else.  And here it is, the height of my Saturn/Pluto conjunction.  All of the Plutonic emotions have come up--the anger, the jealousy, the deep sense of loss, the desire to cling to old forms of security, the depression that follows.  But here's the deal: as I tell my clients all of the time and believe FIERCELY in my own life, we are loved by every process unfolding in our lives.  This experience--that has had me bawling my eyes out, questioning my choices, longing for my former partner, questioning his choices, feeling hatred toward the new person in his life, feeling hatred toward him, feeling hatred toward myself (hatred toward self and others are, of course, one in the same)--this experience is loving me up.  I am coming into a strength and power that my mind can't even fully dream of just yet.

As all of these Plutonic emotions are forcibly dredged up, I am receiving the opportunity to fall in love with myself more deeply, to LOVE even the dark underbelly of my existence that has previously caused me feelings of great shame.  Saturn is connecting with Pluto to help me shine in all of my realness.  I cannot choose these thoughts that have hijacked my brain, but I can question them and learn from them and choose how I react.  I can treat myself with utmost kindness and gentleness as I witness my mind going to places that scare me.  I can resist or I can surrender.  I'm learning more deeply what it means to surrender.  I could not be "The JoyDiva" without this.  Eventually, I will be able to feel a more constant flow of love for my former partner and anyone he chooses to spend his time with.  In the meantime, I am walking hand-in-hand with self-forgiveness, everyday.  As Pluto's dark waves wash over me from the inside out, I am being cleansed.  I am healing.  I am discovering my wholeness.  I am birthing myself anew. Blessed be!

With Love and Gratitude for ALL THAT IS,

Melissa Simonson
Founder & CEO of JoyDiva™
Own your worth. Own your wisdom.
CELEBRATE who you are! 

Ready to start cherishing yourself while actively creating more joy and confidence in your life? Claim your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit here:  www.joydiva.com

©2011 Melissa Simonson